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[leacobb]

Hello everyone. Ok it has now been 6 months and 2 weeks since my operation and things regarding that is going well. But of late. It seems that i am getting misgendered more and more. I am a very sensitive person and i tend to over think alot and i know this to be true. But because im being misgendered it is causing me to be put in situations which i hate. For example i was at work yesterday just doing my job and 3 guys came up to me and asked for my help. So i went with them to a quiet corner of the store and they basicly started to ask me things saying why are you wearing make up. I tell them because im female and because i want to. They then said no your not. And then when i walked away they followed me until i went upstairs.. So then for the rest of the day i felt so uncomfortable and my dysphoria returned. To a point i was angry and questioning myself asking "what am i doing wrong" and then on the journey home i got a taxi and then the taxi driver said hello sir where are you going ? . i honestly thought that after my surgery all this would stop and i can finally just live happily being me. But im now starting to think other things....

I love my new body and have worked very hard to get the figure i have got and having the surgery was the icing on the cake. But with the pressure of society and also with people (strangers) feeling the need to pry into your own personal life. Makes me feel like i want to isolate myself from the world. And i feel i shouldnt be feeling this way... Not now anyway....

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Im just feeling a little lost at the moment...

Lea

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[Skylar1992]

I've found (and I haven't had surgery) that it has alot to do with confidence etc. Somedays I can go out and feel very uncomfortable (thinking about the way I look) and people will say I am a guy, but if I am going out feeling light hearted and don't care the confidence shows through and I have since been referred to as a girl by people I don't know a few times. Also I don't think surgery really has anything to do with what people identify you as, I mean someone could be the most guy looking trans ever and have surgery, they still look like a guy.

[Skyewarn72]

Judging by your icon I don't see how they would mistake and you. However if some guys were to treat me as I did with you I would be like excuse me? Cuz  you are being rude!  But that's just me. I've learned not to take people's crap through the years. Although, people around me don't seem to be that rude even if they do know.

[Kibi]

Sending Positive thoughts your way. Stay courageous and beautiful miss Lea.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Lea,

Firstly, the cabbie, they all say that. I've been "Sir'd" "Mate'd" the lot. All unintentionally. It's where they've come from and terms of reference.

The guys at work. Different story. Three guys and one woman in a quite corner of the store is not a good mix. You may need to practice standing your ground and qualifying the need to follow them. The moment they ask anything outside of the business at hand needs to be shut down immediately without any response to their questions by saying something like "Thats got nothing to do with you, get own with your work."

Your dynamic has possibly changed substantially over time. You may have been perceived as an acceptable member of the patriarchal society and where not challenged. You are now a second class, uninvited non member, to be challenged item of that same patriarchal society. Thus you need to stand your ground a lot more. There are no free drinks now, where there may have been before.

And as mentioned, confidence will win over every time.

Be kind to yourself

Huggs
Catherine

[Sharon Anne McC]

*
leacobb:

Agreed.  Self-confidence and self-assurance will help.  If you need more, maybe your local transsexual group can help you.

Strangers, such as a cabbie, you can ignore; maybe his 'Sir' was his broken record for the day.

Work-mates are another story.  Anything not work-related is out-of-bounds, period!  Can you go to an authority at work and report what happened?, or are you not 'out' at work and those guys were harassing you because of your fear?  Maybe in the future you can find a supervisor to accompany you so that you are not alone with creeps as they are and they would be forced into their best behaviour.

Easier said than done; been there and I know how it hurts.  I hope this brief cheer-leading helps.

*

[leacobb]

I want to thank you all for your kind words and advice. Thank you.. I know my comfidence is very low. Because of my past.. I have tried so hard to fix it but still struggle daily. I am even listening to self help tapes.. Lol. Sharon thank you for your advice but it wasnt staff it was the customers. Which is hard for me not to go with them. If that makes sence. But i think your advice still stands tho...

Catherine. I guess that i was expecting so much too soon. You see i have been living as a female for a very long time and i did get hazel sometimes at work by customers but it wasnt bad really.. I guess i was just hoping that when i had my surgery and i was 100% me, my confidence will grow to a stage where as you have said where i can say (sod off ) but it has just felt like it is happening a different way... Where it is now affecting me more. But im not too sure if... Because my emotions and sensitivity has altered. And thats why

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[Sharon Anne McC]

*
Lea:

You are post-op since March this year.  You were in transition for at least a few years.  Your picture presents you quite femininely.  Maybe it's me but I would accept you as female without question.

Allow this point of comparison.

I have had my female identity since age three (as far back as I can remember).  You see my statistics; my transition lasted 11 years.  Yet apparently I carried one small sliver of doubt and male that lingered for another decade post-op.  It was not until June 1993 when I can say I had an epiphany moment to finally solidify my female self identity.

I was on vacation at Port Orford, Oregon.  I saw the sudden appearance of a woman as I walked into the motel bathroom one morning.  She took me by surprise.  Then I realised I was looking at my self in the mirror.  She is me, I thought.  Yes!  'She really IS me!', I exclaimed!  I really am her - that woman gazing back at me in that mirror.

I took my time.  I examined that woman in the mirror as she examined me. Top to bottom - detail by detail.  Uh huh.  'She is kinda neat, ya know kiddo.' speaking to myself.

So this is what it is really like?  I really do have my identity that matches what I see.  It's what 'normal' people experience every day of their life.   We transsexuals must make a special effort achieving that self-acknowledgement no matter how much we perceive our self and our identity.

So, Lea, you have been through your pre-transition, transition, and post-op experiences 'for a very long time'.  Maybe a piece of you is still overwhelmed.  Maybe you have that sliver of male that persists.  That no matter what you do, there is something still lurking causing your doubt.  Maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe next year.  One of these days, you will snuff out that sliver of that low level of confidence.  One day, you will pass by a mirror and the woman gazing back at you will tell you that you now have it all.  You now have self-confidence, you now have self-esteem.  She will tell you that she is you ready to go out and live life to the fullest as you know how.

That woman in the  mirror will hit you with a thunderbolt that will be among the best feelings you will experience.

She's there, Lea, she's there waiting for you.

*

[Laura_7]

First, have a *hug*

You might check your estrogen levels.
Preferable would be 150-200pg/ml or above.
Some endos go to menopauslal levels of 60 after srs. But you are not a menopausal woman.

You might think about adding bioidentical progesterone.
It might help with mood and it has some anti androgen effects.

Estrogen levels are important.
They have an influence on the neovagina, on the skin, on scent etc, all which people subconsciously pick up.

Congrats on your surgery and keep your mood up... there are a lot of nice people in the world.
The fools are a minority, concentrate on the bright side.


*hugs* 

[Debra]

Hugs! That's tough. I agree with what some others have said. Sometimes you gotta let the random sirs on the phone or with strangers go by because everyone gets sir'd like that sometimes. EVERYONE.

That being said it's definitely confidence and voice too, i feel like. They're HUGE for fitting in and being seen for who you are.

The guys at work and what they did....that's technically sexual harrassment; harrassment based on your gender identity. Depending on your company and/or state (or country?)'s policies, it could be grounds for reporting and I would do so if it happens again.

[leacobb]

I would like to thank everyone for all your help regarding this. And i do agree with all of you. I know i need to work on my confidence because it will let me down in the future.

I am not sure how many people can relate to this but. Because of my past. With people, family and also regarding situations (i wont mention what) my confidence has been low since i was 13. And i guess now at the age of 30 it is just hard for me to get it back..
Sharon, what you have said made alot of sence and i understand what you have said and thank you for sharing a part of your life with me. And i really do hope i can focus more on who i am now and not what i was before.. Because i do understand that the past is the past, and that my future should be a happy one, expecially now.

Thank you again everyone for being there for me..

Lea xXx


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[Kylie1]

Lea,
I think that is all good advice, because photo says you're all woman.
😊

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Lea,

Keep up with those self help, positive motivation tapes. They do work. Want to take your self confidence to the next level? Join Toastmistresses and do the public speaking. You won't know yourself after 6 months. View is another women's club that could possibly help. All of course if they are in your area.

Keep on keeping on, you're doing a fabulous job.

Huggs
Catherine