What to do when you suddenly realise you are trans?

[Deegan]

Hey, I'm Dee. Just wondering are there many other people who came to the abrupt realisation that they were trans? As in, you never had a clue until one day it all just clicked and suddenly everything in your life made sense? Well, this has happened to me in the past month or so, and I really don't know what to make of it all. Now I am feeling so strongly that I am trans (ftm) but at the back of mind there is this lingering doubt that maybe it's all just a phase. I don't know what to do. (I'm 19 btw)

So, a bit about myself: (sorry about the life story...)

I was always a bit of a girly-girl growing up, or at least it appeared that way. In reality I always hated my body and felt deeply uncomfortable within myself, but I never knew why. I assumed that if only I was prettier and more girly I would be more confident and happier. So going through school I was incredibly feminine, but I was also very depressed for seemingly no reason and had a hard time making friends.

I did come out as a lesbian to my family at the start of this year and really tried to embrace this identity. I never really felt like a lesbian to be honest, but I've always kind of known that I'm not a straight woman. I guess this just seemed the most logical answer. I'm actually beginning to realise that I am bisexual, but I only like men when I think of myself as a guy. I've never felt any attraction to straight men, maybe because I don't like the idea of being the "woman" in a relationship?

I was completely oblivious to the idea of being trans until recently. I don't know if it was just denial or what. But for the past month or so I have stopped wearing makeup, cut my hair short and started dressing more boyishly. I've also noticed that my mannerisms and personality have naturally become a lot more masculine without me even trying. It feels like I have removed a life-long mask that I never even knew I was wearing.

So all of this probably points to the fact that I am indeed transgender, but the fact that I was so always so feminine and have never questioned it before now makes me doubt myself. I hate feeling so torn and just want to understand and accept who I am. But then, I don't know if I should just keep living my life as a woman and suppress these feelings for a while or whether I should fully embrace them. Perhaps it's too soon to know for sure? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Thanks

[Elis]

Your life story sounds exactly like mine . Didn't know until 18, always uncomfortable in my body, thought that if I was girly I'd be happy, lesbian never fit, only find guys attractive if I'm also the guy in the relationship. It's spooky how we're the same . If you're now happy being male then that's a good sign of being trans. And men can be fem too, as a child I liked wearing dresses sometimes and still would like to wear women's clothes when I feel like it. I think a lot of trans people don't realise they're trans until late in life bcos LGBTQ stuff isn't talked about when they grew up, especially what transgender is (which is what happened with me). I'd recommend going to a gender therapist to sort out these feelings that you have or if you're happy now to just explore your gender that's OK too. Just don't waste time like I did bcos you're scared of the repuccusions  (3 yrs later and I'm only seeing a gender therapist now). There's also non binary gender identities thar may suit you better than ftm. Hoped I helped

[Frae]

Being any amount of femme doesn't mean you can't be a guy and realizing latter in life doesn't exclude you from being trans.

I've known pretty much forever but that doesn't make me any more authentic than someone who figured it out when they are 50.

As Elis said if you are unsure (and pretty much everyone is at first...) the way forward is a Therapist. Do some research and see if you can find one in your area that specializes in gender. See if you can find some recommendations from local queer resources or websites and if you don't like them don't be afraid to find another.

And remember there are wonderful people here who will jump to help and answer any questions! Hope this helps!

[Asche]

Being any amount of femme doesn't mean you can't be a guy...

That goes for cis guys, too.

[Matthew]

I'll second (or third?) what Asche said. You shouldn't have to justify your gender with masculinity - if you're a guy you're a guy. Be as femme as you want, you're still whoever you are.

I'm a drag queen, queer as hell artist. Doesn't make a girl does it?

Don't stress over that stuff, just be confident and happy in yourself.

[Khatru]

I feel like this could've been written by me. Never liked my body and thought I would be happier with it if I was being more girly (I wasn't), rarely felt attraction to straight men, almost everyone were gay or bi, lesbian didn't fit either, etc etc. And I didn't realise I was trans until 19 or so. The thing is, you can be feminine even if you're a guy! Plenty of guys are feminine, both cis and trans. You don't have to be a certain way just because you're a man!

[chloeD33]

Kindayl the same. Only mtf hehe... Always tried to be a masculine male... So much so I became  goody in the process to keep long story short :/.... Began having feelings of wanting to be a girl consistently around 13. 21 now and only figured I was truely trans around 19ish... Came out last year . Had doubts and kinda still do... Until I remember what life was like as a male. Testosterone was poison to me....

[Daisy Jane]

Some similarities to my own story. I didn't think I was trans. Felt awkward in my own body, but thought it was because I wasn't manly enough. My realization happened at 30 after reading about Laura Jane Grace coming out in Rolling Stone. I found the idea of being trans confusing until I tried to imagine myself with boobs, which caused a shock that almost made me fall over in the shower. Suddenly everything clicked. I understood some of my thoughts; like the fact I'm glad I can't grow much facial hair, the disgust that I have any chest hair at all, and that when I was 21 and looking at myself in the mirror wishing I was more attractive, it was by feminine standards. I still have some feelings of doubt, but I'm mostly sure I'm trans. Therapist is helping me through.

[gamerchic_kaylee]

I kind of always knew, but pushed those thoughts deep down as I wasn't identified as "normal".  I've always tried to overcompensate to show how much of a man I was. 

The decision to finally come out and start looking into the transition process did hit me like a ton of bricks.  In the beginning of the year I was hit by a car while riding my bike training for a race.  My helmet saved my life, but didn't protect me from a moderate traumatic brain injury.  Ever since I've been recovering, and during that recovery time I've been able to look back at my life.  I came to the realization that life is too short to not allow myself to be me.  Sometimes I think if that car never hit me I would never have had that realization, and continue to live a lie, be miserable, and depressed.

All I can say ... life is too short to not live your life.  But that is easier said then done

[Greeneyes]

It feels like I have removed a life-long mask that I never even knew I was wearing.

This.

I was the same way, except MtF. I always felt wrong in this body, but thought if I just try to be all über male I would feel better. I didn't. If anything it felt worse. After accepting being trans, I felt exactly like that. A mask that I didn't know I had on. It took me nearly a year after to understand the depth of this realization and do something about it. I would say, explore your feelings on this and always be true to yourself. No matter who that ends up being.


~Evelyn