Parents forbid me from coming out

[SilverWing]

Since I've accepted my gender identity, I've been itching to come out. Like, I feel like I'm sitting on a pressure bomb trying to keep it from blowing with my weight. But, my parents have told me not to tell anyone (because they don't want to look bad).
What should I do? I'm not confident that I can sit on this for a whole lot longer, but the less I make my parents mad the better (they're already going to be furious about my grades). And there isn't much I can do without their knowledge, because they watch me like the Thought Police.

Can anybody give me any advice?

[KristinaM]

How old are you?  I presume you're not 18 and are still living at home it sounds like?  Are they basically paying for everything for you?  Including transition treatment?

If that's the case then there's not much you can do except what they ask of you then.  Just sit tight and play by their rules while you have to.  Especially if they're paying for your treatment.  You could be a lot worse off.

Now, if they're not helping you with treatment, or you're over 18, that's a different story.  If you're over 18, you're an adult and can do what you want, but they may kick you out if they find out.  If they're denying you treatment, I'm not really sure what you should do, I'm sorry. 

As for telling people.  There's really nothing to stop you from telling your friends and living as genuinely as you can outside of the house, unless they start to threaten you, but by then it's already out of the bag and there's no putting it back in.  Just some food for thought there.

[Anna33]

That's very unfortunate Nicole   Have you tried writing them a letter about gender dysphoria and providing them with information, as well as your personal take on it? I mean like an actual serious, warm, friendly letter.

If I were you i would be focusing on graduating and starting to become financially independent, in order to be able to move out as soon as possible and beginning to living my true self. So work on those grades, be good ish and helpful around the house and you will end up winning them over sooner than you expect.

Some trans girls come out and transition really quick, and for others like us, it takes a little bit longer. I am also new to all of this. My parents do not know either. Only my wife and some friends and colleagues of mine. All of whom are being super supportive about it, but I don't know what the outcome will be when I tell the 'rents and I'd rather be cautious about it.
So I  have been a woman only in my heart and thoughts for at least 30 years. And I am happy as ever now. I am sure you can handle it a little bit longer Be strong girl!

it may take us a little time to get where we want to be. But I can promise you that we will get there someday. Relax and focus on the immediate things that you need to sort out in order to be free.

[LizK]

When that jack rabbit is out of the bag there is no putting them back. It is tough situation but as Kristina said if they are paying for your treatment then they are going to want their say.

Sounds very much like either they are either non-accepting or have fallen for the "its just a phase" rouse. Maybe your grades are a reflection of how you are doing on a personal level and are connected to your levels of Anxiety hence the poor state of them. (I assume you mean they are bad).

I would be coming out to your friends and those around you, but only those you trust. Your parents can deny it as long as they like it changes nothing except for your relationship with them. Keep moving forward, keep reading and understanding, One day they may eventually see the real you and really understand. In the meantime if they are paying your way and you are under their roof then your choices are limited until you can change this.

Good Luck

Sarah T

[SilverWing]

They aren't paying. They told me that straight off. Their problem is that they think its "family business". In other words, they don't want to look bad. That's also why (aside from the cost, which is understandable) they won't let me go to therapy or get antidepressants. They say " you didn't pack that when we moved to Colorado, so it shouldn't be here ".

It's really tough. I keep sitting on my dysphoria and depression, and they keep telling me to. No matter how many times I tell them it doesn't affect them.

My grades used to be spectacular. All As, all the time. Now I have a bunch of Cs. And they know this is a symptom of depression because they've been told this by the therapist I went to before. I can't concentrate on my schoolwork, and I have to do half of my homework at the library because they won't get internet just to keep me off it, and there isn't anything fun in my life anymore.

It hurts because my parents started out understanding, but now they are completely not. And I almost was out publicly in my last place before we moved.

I've thought about writing a letter, but every time I do that it ends up badly. My coming out letter, they told me, was hateful. (My counselor told me she didn't see what was wrong with it, other than how rambling it was. Which it would have been, seeing as how I wrote it in a haze of nervousness.)

And I don't know how to confront them face to face. They are really good at shutting me out, guilt-tripping me (I am not the model child AT ALL), and taking everything I said as insults.

[Dena]

The only sure fire plan is the one I used and that was to wait until I was self supporting before I transitioned. Not really a great plan. A while back I wrote a letter saying what I would say to parents like yours knowing what I know from years of experience. I don't know if it will ever change anybodies mind but you will find it at the following link. I would love to spend an afternoon with parents like this explaining how much this will cost you but that most likely isn't possible.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190312.0.html