Finally Taking a Serious Look at Testosterone

[Empty Miroir]

I've been waiting to transition for nearly a decade now since I was 14. I recently moved provinces here in Canada, going from Manitoba (with absolutely ZERO coverage) to British Columbia (which is one of the leaders in LGBT rights in Canada) I've always known that I'm getting top surgery but for the longest time (like 5-7 years) I've been adamant about not taking T. It's only been the last few years that I've started to go on the fence about it.

I know all the side effects and the fact that I can't control the outcome of it. But it feels like I'll never reach a point where I can safely and confidently pass if I don't take it.

I have fears that I'll go too far and look hideous as I'm very flamboyant and conscious about how I look. I understand it's not an issue with everyone and that a lot of people are just happy that they finally start passing and looking the part. But it's a big issue for me. I'm a very visual person- an artist, and I want to look GOOD. I don't think it's an unrealistic goal to want that, is it? 

I talked about this to my life long best friend and supporter and she asked me why if I was scared of T making me go too far if there wasn't a way to get a lower dose of it instead of the full.

Is this true? Is there anyone here that takes lower doses of T and would it be less aggressive than the standard dose?

I want to look like: (yes I know he's a douche, I hate him too, I can't fault his looks though)

with a face like:


but I'm afraid I'm gonna look like this:

With a body to match.

(I'm not saying John Cena isn't good looking, he's just hyper-masculine and that's just not who I am.)

[makipu]

Hi Empty Miroir,
From what I understand, you would like the pretty boy look? If so , I am the same way.
With the gel or cream version of T, you can control how much you want to take so maybe it would be a better option for you to move forward gradually.

[Dena]

There are no guarantees with hormones. As a MTF they didn't do much for me. For FTMs they change a lot. Trying to reduce the changes by controlling how much you take may leave you worst off. The physical changes you might be able to control but the overlooked thing is the voice. When a boys voice breaks, there is a period of time where the growth has to even out before the voice stops sounding broken. If you stop while the voice is broken, it will remain that way. You will have to commit to T long enough for the voice to stabilize and take what ever changes go with it. Some voices only break for a short time but others like mine break for a long time. Don't start T unless you are willing to see it through because you may need to.

[Empty Miroir]

Hi Empty Miroir,
From what I understand, you would like the pretty boy look? If so , I am the same way.
With the gel or cream version of T, you can control how much you want to take so maybe it would be a better option for you to move forward gradually.

Yes, that's the best way to describe it, as a pretty boy. But I always get flustered when trying to explain it to family and friends so I always beat around the bush and try to say I want to look like a hot pretty boy without actually coming out and saying it. It feels like people won't take me seriously unless I want to look butch.

[Call me Ray]

A lot of what you'll look like will depend on your existing bone structure. That likely won't change, just the fat distribution on top of it.

Another big difference is that you're comparing a young dude with an older dude. John Cena didn't look that way when he was your age and you won't look like you're almost 40 at your age either.

[Empty Miroir]

There are no guarantees with hormones. As a MTF they didn't do much for me. For FTMs they change a lot. Trying to reduce the changes by controlling how much you take may leave you worst off. The physical changes you might be able to control but the overlooked thing is the voice. When a boys voice breaks, there is a period of time where the growth has to even out before the voice stops sounding broken. If you stop while the voice is broken, it will remain that way. You will have to commit to T long enough for the voice to stabilize and take what ever changes go with it. Some voices only break for a short time but others like mine break for a long time. Don't start T unless you are willing to see it through because you may need to.

The voice issue is a BIG issue for me, I can't see myself pulling it off without T. I'm really really feminine though, like nothing about me physically looks masculine in anyway. Some guys can pass even without transitioning and at the very least can look androgynous but my face is very doe-eyed, small nose and mouth, oval face, round forehead, etc. And I don't even want to go into what my body is like.

I've been patient these past 10 years though, if I need more time to think about T I will if I have to.

I have a younger brother, he's only a year younger than me and I look to him to see the possibilities of what I could look like, since I know that genetics have an effect on how hormones change a person.

[Empty Miroir]

A lot of what you'll look like will depend on your existing bone structure. That likely won't change, just the fat distribution on top of it.

Another big difference is that you're comparing a young dude with an older dude. John Cena didn't look that way when he was your age and you won't look like you're almost 40 at your age either.

So the structure of my facial bones won't change that much on T? I sometimes watch transitioning videos on youtube to get a feel for how much their faces change and sometimes it can be startling.

[Call me Ray]

So the structure of my facial bones won't change that much on T? I sometimes watch transitioning videos on youtube to get a feel for how much their faces change and sometimes it can be startling.

Not that I know of, but the fat redistribution can make a big difference in faces. It seems like I've had some muscular changes as well that make my jaw look a bit wider but not much. Hairline changes can make a big difference in how your face appears too.

[Aazhie]

So the structure of my facial bones won't change that much on T? I sometimes watch transitioning videos on youtube to get a feel for how much their faces change and sometimes it can be startling.

I doubt your face will change that much- how old are you?  If you are pretty willowy right now it's not that likely you will turn into the Hulk, or Cena XD

What does your DAD look like? What do male blood relatives look like (see if you can get pics of them younger, like your own age)  I am starting to see a bit more of my dad's features because my face is less fem.  But my dad isn't a giant hairy, craig faced guy, even though he is old enough that he would be it if it were in our family genes...

Your brother is younger, so might not be the best sample.  T can change everyone differently too, but it's not going to turn a twiggy guy into Arnold Schwartzenegger, especially if you are getting over puberty. The most it is going to do for you is maybe build up your jawline and give you a little more angles- if your bones are still growing there is potential for a little growth, but I expect that will be in a good way.  I was in a similar place as you- didn't want to get all fuzzy, smelly and "too macho" for my own tastes.  Now I am on a full dose of T because I want to have more emphasis on my facial hair and stuff.

I was a little wierded out by having hair around my nipples, but then my cis female friend reminded me that lots of girls have that problem, along with unibrows and other awkward hairiness.  If you have blood relatives who are adult males to compare to, that will give you a decent idea, but not always the full picture.  If you have not had your ovaries removed, your hormones will be a bit different, especially depending on the kind of hormones you take!  I think a gel/cream might be a good thing to try if you can, as the levels are easier to control.

For me, I just did half injections on a bi-weekly basis, asnd was getting impatient and had them change the level to full dose weekly.  I have never been happier with my body, fuzz and all   But seriously, it's not as difficult to do low doses OR just do T for awhile and then stop!

Search youtube for UppercaseChase, here's his vid about stopping T:



It's cool because he is very happy being a transman who is very fem and he doesn't quite care about being perfectly "all male" whatever that means to any of us XD

[FTMax]

Agree with Dena and Ray.

T is kind of unpredictable. Everyone's mileage is different. Some people start on a low dose and don't notice anything different for months, some people get significant changes in a week. There's no way to say for sure how it would work out for you. You could always start a low dose and stop when you start encountering effects you don't want, but unfortunately there's no telling what changes you'll get in a specific time frame or order. My voice started to drop for the first time in my first week.

Facial changes aren't bone-related. It's fat redistribution. And that is one of the more long term effects of T. Most people don't experience it until several years at a full dose.

[Bimmer Guy]

*If you take low dose long enough, you will experience the changes that someone on full dose experiences.
*Chase went back to full dose and looks very different
*If you stop T, your face will go back to it's original shape and form.  Your body will go back to it's old shape.  what will remain is your lower voice, any male patterned baldness or hair loss you have, your clitoral growth, and depending upon how long you were on T, you will still have facial growth.  However, it will be more soft and you will have to shave less.
*It took me 20 years to decide to go on T.  I thought about it from age 25 to age 45.  What kept me from doing it was knowing that once the voice is dropped, the voice is dropped.  I didn't want to try to live as a female with a male voice. I started on low dose (very, very low dose...half of a half dose), and had a bit of a voice drop the first week.  IF I had stopped at that point (or any point very soon after), I may have had a chance it would go back up.  BUT, you should assume that it will not before taking T.  By the third week, I had some significant clitoris growth.
*You can't pick and choose how you will look.  Don't make assumptions about how you would look based on relatives.  I would suggest not starting T unless you are willing to go the "whole way".  I would say that if you can tolerate the gender dysphoria, don't take T until you are certain (or at least as certain as you think you will ever be).
*The day that I decided to take T was the day that I was sitting in a bar.  There was a guy across the bar from me.  This may be horrible to say, but I found him to be quite unattractive.  He looked nothing like I would want to look (as a guy, or otherwise).  Bad hair loss, facial structure not what I would want, body that was less pleasing me to what I even had at the time (I have always had a masculine build and he did not).  I liked how I looked at the time (especially because I had already had top surgery), much better than how he looked.  I asked myself this question. "Would I rather look like this guy in order to live as male or would I rather continue to live as a masculine attractive female?"  The answer was I would have accepted looking like him, in order to live as male.

The point is, you need to get at least close to a place where you are willing to accept what T will give you, even before starting low dose T.

Good luck to you.

[Kylo]

I have the same concern. My face is neotonous and who knows what effects T will have on it.

I would much rather look boyish but male which is why if I get the option I will regulate the dose myself. Perhaps the effect can be controlled to a degree after lowering the voice. There are certain facts I can't change that will affect an ability to pass - such as height, although if I moved to certain countries I *would* be considered average male height, just not in the one I currently live. Without knowing what the effects T will have on my face I find aiming for boyish is realistic because I'm probably going to continue to be taken for one on the street, as I sometimes am currently. And somehow I am comfortable enough with that. I don't wish to go to the extreme end of the masculine scale, but just enough to be considered masculine.

[Sebby Michelango]

I've been waiting to transition for nearly a decade now since I was 14. I recently moved provinces here in Canada, going from Manitoba (with absolutely ZERO coverage) to British Columbia (which is one of the leaders in LGBT rights in Canada) I've always known that I'm getting top surgery but for the longest time (like 5-7 years) I've been adamant about not taking T. It's only been the last few years that I've started to go on the fence about it.

I know all the side effects and the fact that I can't control the outcome of it. But it feels like I'll never reach a point where I can safely and confidently pass if I don't take it.

I have fears that I'll go too far and look hideous as I'm very flamboyant and conscious about how I look. I understand it's not an issue with everyone and that a lot of people are just happy that they finally start passing and looking the part. But it's a big issue for me. I'm a very visual person- an artist, and I want to look GOOD. I don't think it's an unrealistic goal to want that, is it? 

I talked about this to my life long best friend and supporter and she asked me why if I was scared of T making me go too far if there wasn't a way to get a lower dose of it instead of the full.

Is this true? Is there anyone here that takes lower doses of T and would it be less aggressive than the standard dose?

I want to look like: (yes I know he's a douche, I hate him too, I can't fault his looks though)

with a face like:


but I'm afraid I'm gonna look like this:

With a body to match.

(I'm not saying John Cena isn't good looking, he's just hyper-masculine and that's just not who I am.)

I understand you. Everybody (almost) want to look good and cares about their looks. I care about mine too. But I rather look a bit meh than look female. I doesn't want to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I think that's too masculine. I'm a bit more feminine, but I doesn't want to look like Bieber either. But if I could choice, I would choice to look like Luke Garroway or Ross Poldark when I grow up. They are not too feminine or masculine.

But you can't choice what you want to get and not to get when you take T. Nobody decide their look when they are born. So you can't choice or control thing at hormones either. It's like a normal guy puberty. But you can weight the value. "Do I want to take T to look more masculine and make my look match my gender or not take T, but look female?"

[Bimmer Guy]

I have the same concern. My face is neotonous and who knows what effects T will have on it.

I would much rather look boyish but male which is why if I get the option I will regulate the dose myself. Perhaps the effect can be controlled to a degree after lowering the voice. There are certain facts I can't change that will affect an ability to pass - such as height, although if I moved to certain countries I *would* be considered average male height, just not in the one I currently live. Without knowing what the effects T will have on my face I find aiming for boyish is realistic because I'm probably going to continue to be taken for one on the street, as I sometimes am currently. And somehow I am comfortable enough with that. I don't wish to go to the extreme end of the masculine scale, but just enough to be considered masculine.

Remember though, even if you stay at a super low dose, you will STILL masculinize to the same degree as any other FTM on testosterone, it will just take longer.  Too, you can't just stop T after you hit that "boyish look" you want and have it stay.  It will go away and your face will return to it's prior female shape.

It is genetics that will decide if you become Justin Bieber (whose boyish looks are most likely due to the fact he is still in puberty), or if you become hairy with more muscle development.