My mom wants to get my hormones tested (help ASAP)

[WolfNightV4X1]

Not really as good as it sounds. She's not very supportive, and I had not even officially come out. I would bore you with the depressing details.

But basically, she wants to take me to the doctor to get my hormones tested. Im ftm. If, hormonally, nothing is out of the ordinary she's going to push this fact at me and tell me that by not feeling like a girl and pursuing more masculine traits that Im being rebellious and disobediant, and Im doing this by choice.

If there was somethingwrong with my hormones, well, Im sure they wouldnt hsppily let me go ahead and transition. They'd try to pump estorgen inside of me and fix me. Because I have female genitals, I was born a girl. That is that.

Im really scared though, Im not sure if Im biologically male at all, even hormonally. Id love to be, it'd give me another reason as to why I feel this way, and why Im so abnormal and such a deviant. But if Im not, I'll be devastated because of the amount of scorn I'll receive on top of, well, not being at all slightly male.

I wondered if there was a way I could cheat the system, like take testtosterone supplements (I know its not true testosterone, I know...) beforehand. It would change the result if it did anything, sure. But I'd rather a false test than the alternative.

Its really hard to hide the fact that I want to change my gender. It crosses my mind all the time and I secretly do it a lot. I tell myself I should stop, but it doesnt work, I really lack self control.

[AnonyMs]

I wish it were possible to have a test like that and find something to fix; it would be so much easier to do that than what I am doing.

I don't think taking T is going to help (with your mother). I expect it  would just give her an explanation for your gender issues and she'd try to stop you doing it. I don't know your mother, but perhaps its best if you have the test and it shows you're perfectly normal? Its not a physical issue and you need to be seeing a psych specializing in gender rather than looking for physical issues.

[MugwortPsychonaut]

Hormone levels have nothing to do with a person's gender identity. Like, zero. If they put you on t-blockers and made you take estrogen, which I'm pretty sure is illegal to force upon a child or anybody, you would still feel like a boy. You would still want to do boy things. You would still BE a boy on the inside. All it would do would be to upset you, worsen your dysphoria, and make you want to transition even more.

Of course, you already know this. It's your mom who doesn't. I don't know what to add. I hope somebody has a good answer.

[Asche]

Like AnonyMs said, being trans isn't due to hormones.  Trans people are no more likely to have unusual hormone levels than cis people.  If anything, "abnormal" (i.e., levels inconsistent with assigned sex) hormone levels are the "cure."

I don't know what to suggest for dealing with your mother, as you haven't said what your situation is.  If we knew you were over 18 (or whatever the age of majority is in your country), supporting yourself, and moved out of your parents' home, we could suggest that you simply tell her that it's none of her business.  I'm guessing that is not your situation, though.  If you were under 18, I might suggest seeing if there are any relatives who are more understanding and could intercede for you and maybe even let you live with them.

Unfortunately, since your mother's beliefs are not based on any kind of reality (even the worst transphobes don't blame hormones), I don't know if it's even possible to change them.

[Dena]

My hormones were normal male and that only made me feel really bad because my brain didn't like what they did to my body or mind. When you see the doctor, explain to the doctor what you feel and what you know and instead of getting a supporting point of view for your mother, you will get support from the doctor.

What makes you different happened before you were born and no drug or treatment will change how you feel. Any doctor who has knowledge of ->-bleeped-<- will understand this and will not support the idea that hormones are your problem.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Look at it like this, your mother isn't going to be able to get you hormones without permission from you...  Hell,  She would have a struggle, even with your permission.

On the other scenario,  it doesn't matter if she finds something to use to excuse not supporting you...  She already sounds pretty unsupportive so it's same old...  In fact the dr might even talk some sense into her.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Like AnonyMs said, being trans isn't due to hormones.  Trans people are no more likely to have unusual hormone levels than cis people.  If anything, "abnormal" (i.e., levels inconsistent with assigned sex) hormone levels are the "cure."

I don't know what to suggest for dealing with your mother, as you haven't said what your situation is.  If we knew you were over 18 (or whatever the age of majority is in your country), supporting yourself, and moved out of your parents' home, we could suggest that you simply tell her that it's none of her business.  I'm guessing that is not your situation, though.  If you were under 18, I might suggest seeing if there are any relatives who are more understanding and could intercede for you and maybe even let you live with them.

Unfortunately, since your mother's beliefs are not based on any kind of reality (even the worst transphobes don't blame hormones), I don't know if it's even possible to change them.

Im 20, but I havent been able to move out yet.  Im aiming to but if feels so long away and Im swamped with other priorities.

In any case, soon it wont be any of her business but unfortunately I dont think I can ever transition entirely due to social stigma. Im aiming for androgyny at least, so I can present as maleamongst understanding peers and strangers and female to people who are biased. This is really the only reason I'd aim to be 'genderfluid', I dont have any interest in being female...I just want a more peaceful life which unfortunately wont include permanantly male traits.

Anyways, thanks for the tips, everyone.

(Note: I also dont want her to bring me to he doctor/therapist because it'll likely be someone biased against transgender stuff and Im just going there to be 'fixed'...the right way. It already happened once, but I got pulled out of seeing the therapist because she did side with me and tell my mom something she didnt like)

[Laura_7]

Baseline is your mom doesn't want to accept you are transgender, for whatever reasons.

Its up to you but here are a few resources that might be shown:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788
This is a letter from an accepting dad. So its from the view of a parent.
Parts of it might be shown.
Some parents have the same restraints, like he talks about: did they cause it by an upbringing...etc...

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194946.msg1736596.html#msg1736596
There are brochures by reputable sources, for example the british NHS, showing being trans has biological connections.
Its explained with pictures. A brochure says explicitly for trans people, their families and health care staff.
If its biological its nobodys fault... and its not likely to be a phase...

Some people make a comparison with a twin... they will be like their male/female twin, with the same sense of humour...

and you might see a good gender therapist...
the gender therapist to help you along, maybe with easy reversible steps first, to help you find out how they make you feel...
so that you have someone to guide you and help you along, and no rash but appropriate steps are made.... appropriate also in your favour, so that it moves along...
you might ask at plannedparenthood of a lgbt place for counseling...
or look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316

Concerning stigma there are far less restraints for ftm people... you might try some easy reversible changes to hair and clothing styles and see how it makes you feel... second hand stores could be a good source...


hugs

[Aazhie]

Im 20, but I havent been able to move out yet.  Im aiming to but if feels so long away and Im swamped with other priorities.

(Note: I also dont want her to bring me to he doctor/therapist because it'll likely be someone biased against transgender stuff and Im just going there to be 'fixed'...the right way. It already happened once, but I got pulled out of seeing the therapist because she did side with me and tell my mom something she didnt like)

Technically you're an adult and she can't make you do anything you do not wish to.  I know it sucks to wait, but it could be safer for you to be on the down low about transitioning if you can.  I hear there may be therapists that can see you online, like with Skype.  Technically, without your permission, any therapist can't reveal info about you, even to your own mom, it's a violation of privacy in the USA. No one can put drugs in your body, hormones included that you don't want.  The only few exceptions is if an EMT or doctor is trying to save you from dying and you are unconscious! 


Can you work on a the things that can help you get out of her house and sphere of influence?  I had someone say that escaping a toxic environment was just as much a part of their transition/outing as hormones, therapy and other  more related things!

[awilliams1701]

Having T or E doesn't make you trans or not. The biggest difference with hormones is, at least for me, you feel correct.

[Rachel]

I recommend seeing the doctor in private and having a frank discussion under the HIPPA privacy act rules. See what the doctor recommends.

Do not do anything you do not want to do.

See a gender therapist of your choosing.

[Asche]

a frank discussion under the HIPPA privacy act rules.

This assumes the OP is living in the USA.

[HughE]

Well, hormones do have an effect on gender identity, but only during a critical period during the time your prenatal development is taking place. If your mother took hormones while pregnant with you then maybe that's what caused your brain to develop as male instead of female. However, once your brain has finished its prenatal development, whatever is in place by that point is permanent, and can't later be changed by hormone treatment, reparative therapy or anything else.

[Laura_7]

However, once your brain has finished its prenatal development, whatever is in place by that point is permanent, and can't later be changed by hormone treatment, reparative therapy or anything else.

I'd add that there might be a predispostion for the hormones of that gender...
quite a few people report relief when on hrt...
thats why some gender therapists recommend to start out with a small dose to see how people feel...

[HughE]

I'd add that there might be a predispostion for the hormones of that gender...
quite a few people report relief when on hrt...
thats why some gender therapists recommend to start out with a small dose to see how people feel...

True, the fact that a lot of us derive considerable psychological benefit from cross sex hormones is another indication that we have undergone actual opposite-sexed brain development.

[Michelle-G]

I understand the concern about Mom wanting to take you to the doctor, but it probably won't do anything other than make her more confused and more antagonistic.

If the doctor sees that you have a hormone imbalance it will be nice to know. This could help diagnose previously unknown health issues.

If your Mom suggests that this may have something to do with your gender issues, the doc will probably look at her like she just arrived from Mars. Or at least gently advise her that your hormone levels have nothing to do with your dysphoria. The doctor doesn't have to be trans friendly to be a competent practitioner.

You might even consider bringing that up yourself, just so Mom can hear it said out loud.

If your hormones are good then Mom will just have to keep looking for an excuse to reject your gender identity. And she will anyway. That's the real issue.

[HughE]

A lot of us do have abnormal hormones, for instance I have hypogonadism (my testosterone production has been below normal male all my life); and I read a study of FTMs in which they had a much higher incidence of hyperandrogenism (above normal female levels of androgenic hormones) than occurs in the cis female population. This is another thing suggesting that there's a physical basis to being trans, and that something unusual happened during our prenatal development that caused us to undergo cross-sexed brain development (and for some of us, that same thing has also left it's mark in the way our bodies regulate hormones later in life).

In my case, although I don't know for sure what happened, it's not any of the usual causes of intersex. I have a lot in common with people whose mothers were given hormone treatment with an artificial estrogen called DES though, so I think the culprit is likely to be artificial female hormones. From the 1940s through to the 1970s, doctors were freely prescribing them to pregnant women, often in very high doses, seemingly without regard to what effect they might have on an unborn baby.

Anyway, if you have a male gender identity, giving you supplemental female hormones now isn't going to make it go away. That boat had already sailed by the time you were born!