hello new here! hope I'm doing this right!

[jackiemitchell91]

Hi there,

My name is Jackie. I just like the name i think jackie kennedy is beautiful perhaps thats why! umm.. I'm 24 pre HRT. I've been feeling this way since i was young but I'm not sure if i have the feeling or not because i was "abused" by a baby sitters son when i was about 5 years old. I feel as though that I'm conscious of the fact that that had happened i would maybe stop feeling this way but in the past few years since I started thinking about why i might be feeling this way i still feel the same and that i was meant to a girl/woman. I recently quit drinking as well and i thought the feelings would stop or even slow down a little but low and behold 3 months later they're stronger than ever.

They're so strong right now that I've been dieting, looking up things to do pre HRT that could maximize my transition, looked up potential self medication(hopefully it would never come to that), started practicing changing my voice and even walking more feminine around the house and sitting with different posture as well. Recently when i was leaving a friend of mines place i was worried about people looking at my bum! but then i was like well if i go through with this i better get used to it unfortunately.

I'm glad i found this resource here, i read a lot about finding a support group and i hope this can be the place. i look forward to posting and asking questions and meeting new people!

xo jackie

p.s. you can follow me on pinterest if you want!
https://www.pinterest.com/Seaseawolf/

[LizK]

*****WARNING - POSSIBLE TRIGGER-CHILD ABUSE*****

Hi JKackiemitchell

Welcome to susans you are right you have found the right place for support. The question you ask had me tied up in knots for years despite that fact the timelines didn't add up. I will explain

I have always felt, "different" and thought even when I was very young it was because I was supposed to be a girl. When I was about 12 I was sexually abused over a period of about a year. This is just as I had entered puberty which for me was a horrifying experience and the realisation that being a girl would never happen. Add to that all the garbage abuse brings and it was all mixed up together. Even though I put the need to be a woman down to the child abuse I could never quite reconcile the timelines with my feelings and it never sat quite right with me. I held on to it for about 30 years because it gave me a possible "cause" which might mean a possible "cure" for the way I felt.

When I was in the mid 30's I finally got some therapy about the child abuse which took nearly a year to work through. I felt a great weight being lifted from me only to be replaced with a few home truths. It took a long time for these to sink in and it wasn't until just over a 2 years ago that I began to look closely(again but that's another story)  at my issues. One thing I did learn is that at the end of the day whether the child abuse played a factor in it or not, it does not change the way you feel NOW. In my case the time lines doesn't fit for it to have been the "reason" for me be Transgender as I had gender issues at 5. But even if it did fit...it does not change how I feel NOW.

I understand how confusing the abuse makes it, have you had counselling about the abuse...even if you don't think you can remember much, it is still worthwhile to get some help with it. I remembered far more about it than I thought I would and really noticed a difference in the way I felt.

Keep going with your research, keep reading and asking questions everyone here has something of value to offer.

Sarah T

[HollyP]

Hi Jackie!  Welcome!
I for one think you're doing this right!  Start by asking the questions.  As Sarah said, Therapy would a great way to help you sort it all out (I'm a big believer there - and you, Sarah and I have some common ground).  Remember - you can't go back and do it over, but you can forward anyway you want.  (hugs) - Holly   

[V M]

Hi Jackie 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

Please be sure to review

Things that you should read

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Hugs

V M

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome 


here are a few resources that could help you:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,198096.msg1761785.html#msg1761785

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,198052.msg1761647.html#msg1761647


*hugs*

[Mariah]

Jackie, it's wonderful your looking into those things you can do pre HRT. It really does help that time before go by quicker. Quick rant, please don't self medicate. End Rant. A therapist and hair removal are some of the things that can be worked on prior to HRT. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Jackie,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

As it's already been mentioned, a good gender therapist will serve you well. Beware of changing your body chemistry. You are not a DIY project. That's the quickest way bugger up your health. Once it's buggered, it's always buggered. See a good Endocronologist and do it right.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine