Lost along the way...

[HollyP]

Hello Everyone! 
I was here about 3 years ago, in earnest surely, but a bit premature.  Had a bit of a breakout-breakdown-breakthrough-breakup.  Essentially, I had to get my poop in a group.  Regardless, I am really happy to be here and already feel welcome.  It's been quite a journey, most of 50 years to get to this point. I have spent many years in therapy trying to find out why and how I got here, and realized I should start looking at where I am going instead of where I've been.  It's time to look forward, not backward.  I am transgender.  It has taken a long time to say that to myself, let alone to say it here.  I am looking forward to understanding what that means to me – without the shame or the guilt or the pain that denial and anxiety have caused me for so long.  I have a million questions and not a single answer, but that doesn't matter.  There's plenty of time for that.  Today I want to stand up and reach out and clasp hands with everyone who has been where I am and say "Hallelujah! It's OK to be me".  And not to be judged.  And above all find - Peace, Holly

[V M]

Hi Holly 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Holly,

A big Aussie welcome back to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay a while longer this time.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendships that you already know of, waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting. Yu know where the tea and scone are, go for it.

Awesome, you finally found the key and opened the box. Sounds like everything is coming together very well for you. The attitude you display tells me this is your time and nothing is going to stand in the way of you becoming the very best you can be.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[HollyP]

V M, Catherine -
Thanks for the kind thoughts; I am going VERY slowly here, still dealing with the doubt.  Not about who I am but who I can become.  I've been trudging the same path for more than 50 years (and it doesn't-never will work for me).  My therapist has been encouraging me to reach out more to the community for support and acceptance.  I came out to my wife and while I've been authentic at home, she has still been little more than tolerant.  I'm OK with that - but it hurts to think we may be taking 2 different paths on this. I respect her honesty to herself about what she wants in life, because I am starting to respect myself for the first time about what I want in life.  I don't mean to ramble, but I'm guessing you understand. (big sigh)
Hugs, Holly   

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Holly,

Doubt is a very powerful tool. It's a self checking mechanism that used correctly makes sure we are embracing the absolute truth and not kidding ourself.

It's so good to hear both yourself and partner have embraced the truth and are open to looking at whatever the future brings. You will never regret that. Certainly it may be a big price to pay, but be assured the that price pails to insignifiance for benefits of living an authentic life with absolute integrity. That's priceless. I encourage you to seek that at all cost.

Huggs
Catherine

[Rachel]

Hi Holly,

I am 53 and still married. I have been on the journey a few years and I am in my journey. It is never a dull moment.

[Anna33]

Holly, first of all: Truly happy for you!! Trans is beautiful. 

Re wife: it's a big deal for our spouses. We had been feeling this way for all of our lives, but they have only had time since the moment that we came out to them. They have to readjust a lot of things in their lives. We don't feel like we have changed, but we really did!! We are a whole different person now --and what's funny is often the contrast: Leaving the grey man behind to become the colourful girl full of joy and energy. It really confuses them a bit.

We are so in love with our 'new' identities that they might actually feel jealous of the girl we have turned into. Like if our old self were cheating on her with our new self! I know it sounds crazy, but our new girl occupies a lot of our thoughts and emotions and they can feel a little neglected.

I think it's essential that during this period of mutual understandng and readjusting, that we walk the extra mile in every aspect of our lives.  Win her over. It's not impossible. We are in love with the person, not with the way they look. So make sure, in the small things, every day, that she made the right choice when she met you.

big hugs x

Clara