Work, coming out, pronouns, baggage..ect...

[Certified Cake Decorator]

I recently got a job as a dog groomer, and i am having this horrible inner debate of whether or not to come out as Neutrois.
On the one hand, i feel like when they hired me, they werent expecting any hassle. They assumed they were getting an 'average' worker. they arent expecting me to be... different... and what if they reject me? what if they say something like "i dont care, why does this even matter?"
I feel like, since being trans doesnt affect my work, it doesnt really fit for me to bring it up. you know?

BUT on the other hand, it hurts me when i get misgendered. They use my preferred name no problem, but i think they think its just a nickname. As some of the other groomers have odd names, like Thor and Kitty.
Also, i dont deserve to feel bad. I deserve to feel just as comfortable when people talk about me as everyone else.

Then theres also the fact that most of the people i work with equate trans people with drag queens. Like they legit think there are only trans women, and they are always drag queens. so, theres tat.

Idk, its the same thing with friends. I feel like im bringing all this emotional baggage to the relationship and it makes things all awkward, lik "woah, tmi there dude, i didnt ask and i dont care"

But i deserve to be happy, and understood just like anyone else.
But it's not relevant to my job.
Dogs dont care. why do people care so much?

i guess a tl;dr would be, I care, but they dont, so should i come out and ask them to use Ne Nem Nir pronouns, or no?
Should i just ask for They pronouns?

Theres a halloween party that everyones going to on saturday, so some quick answers would be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Quin
Ne Nem Nir Nirs Nemself

[Elis]

I think you should. I only came out at work after being mentally ground down by people using my birth name and pronouns. I wouldn't wish you or anyone to go through that mental torture day in and out. The people you work with obviously need some educating, maybe your manager could hold a meeting with them about being trans, with your input so there's no miscommunication. And maybe ask them to use they pronouns, the others seem a bit too different sounding (pardon my ignorance  ). The Halloween party also sounds like a great opportunity to dress as masculine or feminine or a bit of both to introduce the real you. Good luck, it's worth it in the end

[captains]

To me, it would strongly depend on how I viewed the position. Is this likely to be a permanent/long-time job for you? Or is it a temporary/stop-gap job? Personally, coming out at work would be a huge energy investment and so I'd be unlikely to do so for a job I was planning to leave within the year. Over a year, I would definitely think about it because that's about how long it takes for me to find things grating.

[Certified Cake Decorator]

It's definitely a long'term job. i signed a 2 year contract, but im having so much fun, and after training many groomers make upwards of 600 dollars a week! i'm totally staying

And i've decided im going as a shinx pokemon for halloween blue shirt, black shorts, adorable blue ears, and done! super easy for lazy partiers like myself.

I think maybe i will give the the option to use they or ne pronouns, so that they will at least pick one of the ones that dont upset me. if they think the better option is they, they'll use it. if i just ask for they pronouns, they might think that a better option is he, or just she. guh that would suck.

oh well, i guess i'll just bring it up when my boss asks me why i have so many doctors appointments.
ANd i keep making jokes about how i'm going to be able to pick up ALL THE THINGS, so maybe she'll ask and i can say 'well im not on T yet!, but i will be soon'
or something like that. idk

[Elis]

Your costume idea sounds soo cute  . Good luck, I hope it goes well for you

[cindianna_jones]

I like the costume idea too. Fun job. I love working with dogs. Your situation is unique. I really don't think they will equate your request with anything but what it is. They've probably never heard of anyone like you. They may totally buy in or not. Don't be phased by any blowback. Like you said, the dogs don't care. That said, you may be interacting with customers. Just go with the flow on that one. They'll use pronouns according to what they see in their minds. And your management might not want you to press the issue in that case. Talk it over with them and ask them how they would like to handle it.

In any case, let us know how it turns out.

My best,
Cindi

[captains]

Sounds like a good plan (and a cool costume!). Fingers crossed for you.

[boheme]

Hi Quin ,

Labels are really useful when we are searching for community, but I'm of the school that how we identify (trans, neutrois, etc.) is much less important for others to understand than why we identify a certain way (gender dysphoria, sexual attraction, etc., and the effects that those things have on our lives).

With this in mind, I think asking for your preferred pronouns is a great idea! It opens the conversation, so you can explain your feelings, but it makes it personal, and thus it becomes just a 'common courtesy' thing ("ok, Quin feels uncomfortable with being called 'she'; I'll try my best to use 'they'/'ne' from now on") rather than a case of you having to convince your colleagues what neutrois means, that is a legitimate thing, and that they should therefore treat you in a certain way.

Good luck with 'the conversation' hey!