can't get over losing my marriage, feel like giving up...

[Amoré]

I don't know what to do anymore I am begging her to go to couples counselling. She just says I want everything my way.
I am begging her to give us a chance. She just says she can't be with a trans person even if I stay a man I will always want to be a woman. She says I just want to get my way and she will not allow it.

I promised her I will drop the idea of transitioning but she did not want to accept me still and stayed distant. She is becoming more distant and she says she is starting to hate me. I love this woman so dearly what should I do she says if I really love her I would let her go. How can you ask that of someone that you have been with for 10 years. I am heart broken torn apart. I am so depressed i could not get out of bed this morning I feel if I can't live without her and my child.
I can't see life without her and my child married. How should I get over it? 

[ToniB]

Hello Amoré
I cannot begin to say How Sorry I am that Your Wife has taken this so badly .When I first came out to My Wife she was also very upset felt Betrayed and said that our whole Marriage was based on me lying . I spent a long time explaining that The only Lying I had been doing in fact was to Myself in denying my true nature all these Years. I explained that most things she loved Me for where Due to my feminine side such as I have always done all the Cooking and cleaning Ironing We have always done everything together like shopping We like the same things on TV . I hate sport and she likes that . Gradually she has come around to accepting that I am still the same Person She married but in a different body . She was very worried about being perceived as a Lesbian at first but is gradually getting used to Me living full time as a Woman (she actually said I am more girly than her LOL) We had a breakthrough this Weekend as We went to My 20 Year Long Service award Dinner It was a Posh Affair so for the first time she agreed to going out with Me all dressed up full Makeup and even heels .She was actually very surprised by how well I was accepted by My work colleagues 9I am actually registered as a female at work) and this allowed her to relax and enjoy herself .She actually not just danced with Me But smooched and even kissed me on the dance floor .Since then she has been much closer to Me and I truly believe We will now be together for the rest of our lives .so Do not give up A solution is always a possibility if You keep showing her that You still Love her and really want to find a way to stay together

[WorkingOnThomas]

All I can do is say hang in there. But I would also say that you'd probably wind up hurting yourself and her more in the long run by not pursuing transition if that is your desire. I gave that up to stay in a long term relationship at one point, and eventually it all collapsed around my ears. Completely. Ending in a drawn out breakdown/breakup that caused more hurt (I think) than if I'd just been honest with both myself and him to start with, rather than making promises I just couldn't keep.

Thomas

[RobynD]

So sorry this is happening to you. My best advice is give it time, give her space and continue to lovingly press for counseling. My wife and i had a bad period in year eight or so, and we continued on, had our second child and are now in our 26th yr.

When she throws words of hate around, she may be in the "anger" phase of mourning and that often passes. In the meantime, make sure you are seeing a therapist and try to surround yourself with people and supporters in order to combat the loneliness. Isolation is not your friend in times like this.