For Me or Them, For Pleasure or Ease? Naming YOURSELF is Just a Pain!

[FtMitch]

Seriously, I really dislike this part of transition.  I have made up my mind to call myself either Mitchell Joshua or Joshua Mitchell, with Josh being the name that I love (and have always loved) and Mitch/Mitchell being an edited version of my birth name, Michelle.  My only problem?  I keep going back and forth on what to call myself!  I am going by Mitch right now because it was just the easiest way to transition before fully coming out.  I started off by changing my Facebook profile to 'Mich,' answering all my work emails as "Mich" and telling people to call me "Mich" (pronounced "Mitch".)  No one had a problem with that (they already considered me an odd duck and possibly thought I was a closeted butch lesbian), and no one really even noticed when I started adding a t in the middle to turn "Mich" into "Mitch".  Honestly though, I simply don't love the name Mitch.  I DO, however, want this whole experience to be as easy as possible for my parents, who are like best friends to me.  Being able to call me Mitch or Mitchell would be SO much easier for them (and all of my family), and for that reason I am perfectly willing to go by that.  It would also be easier at work, as I already have an email address that starts with the letter 'm' and people know me as Mich/Mitch.  However, I really want to introduce myself to new people as Josh and encourage people to call me Josh if they haven't spent the last 30 years calling me Michelle, which is why I am considering changing my first name to Joshua and using Mitchell as my middle name.  Then it can be like my family calls me by the middle name that sounds like my birth name (as sometimes happens with families, especially if the sons are named after Dad) while everybody else calls me by the first name I chose. 

Unfortunately, I do not pass all that well (considering that I strongly resemble a stick figure made of bird bones) and so I usually just find it easier to use Mitch rather than have to explain that I want to be called Josh.  After all, my ID says "Michelle" still, and people just assume it's a nickname if I say my name is Mitch.  No explaining necessary!  But now I have a recommendation for testosterone for "Mitch" and a brand new gender therapist who calls me "Mitch".  I also have new trans friends who know me as Mitch.  In other words, the name I took for the ease of it all is starting to stick to me outside of my family circle.  I haven't been transitioning that long, so I can still nip this in the bud if I please, but I am not sure that I should.  Would my whole life just be a lot easier if I went by Mitch or Mitchell?  I would really prefer to be Josh Mitchell than Mitch Joshua, but I would survive.  I am just not real fond of Mitchell.  I don't actively dislike it, but I would certainly never name a child that.  I DO think Michelle is a pretty name, I am just not fond of Mitchell.  Or Michael.  Or any 'M' male name, actually.  Josh, on the other hand, has been my favorite male name since I was fourteen.  I also like the fact that Joshua means "GOD is salvation," which is how I plan to explain to my father (a former pastor) why I chose that as a new name. 

Any suggestions on what I should do?  What's more important?  Loving your name or having an easy transition when it comes to names?  I know people worry a lot about finding the "perfect" name, but the truth is that most people don't get to choose their names and just deal with what they have.  Perhaps I should just do that?  I mean, I'm sure I would get used to Mitch eventually. Or maybe I should go with Mitchell Joshua then encourage people outside of family and work to call me by my middle name? Ah, decisions, decisions!

[Juliett]

Speaking from experience.
Loving your name is all that matters.
Eventually your transition will be behind you and things will settle down into a new normal for you. Being able to choose a name you love is a genuine pleasure that few people will find in life.

[Elis]

I think you should go with Josh as otherwise you'll regret not choosing it later on. You're in a unique situation as you get to choose your name instead of putting up with the one your parents gave you, don't let this opportunity go

[CollieLass]

For me, this most-important choice happened forty+ years ago; but I`m very glad I chose a name that sounded and appeared as far-away as possible from my birth name.
In retrospect, I think it proved easier for friends and family to dissociate from what was.......and made 'slips of the tongue' much less likely, and consequently, those early days of transition, just a little-less awkward.

I was an early teen when i transitioned in the 1970`s, and I remember we (my parents and I) had a list of my favoured/likely candidate names, stuck to the fridge-door with a magnet, and each day we`d discuss which ones would be keepers and which would go forward; eventually the list was whittled down to one.
I consider the chance and freedom to choose one`s own life-name, is one of the great blessings to come out of this, our 'road less taken'.........

[Dex]

I also picked something far from my birth name. Firstly, because I love names with "x" in them and my birth name did not. And secondly because I wanted it to be a complete split. I know another guy who went with something that was a shortened version of his birth name (like what you did with Mitch) and he really struggled with family slipping up and saying his birth name. Then again, I knew another guy who chose something phonetically similar to his birth name and he's had no issues with people slipping up.

As others have already stated, you need to make this choice for you and 20 years from now, you don't want to be thinking "ugh" every time you write your name. So pick what feels good for you and the rest will come together.

[Bimmer Guy]

I think you should go with Josh as otherwise you'll regret not choosing it later on. You're in a unique situation as you get to choose your name instead of putting up with the one your parents gave you, don't let this opportunity go

This.

The transition will be for the short term, you will have 50+ with the name Josh (I am guessing you are young).  People will get used to it, it will just take some time.  Ditch Mitch as soon as possible.

It took me a year to decide.  I finally circled back to the original choice.  During that year I was pre-T and then on low dose (not OUt completely), so I still had time.  I had to make a final decision when I was coming OUT at work.  For me, it was an issue of finding a name that I liked AND that I thought fit me.

Go with Josh.  You feel that it suits you.  You may never get used to Mitch and I can see behind your post that "Josh", makes you smile.

Good luck.

[Peep]

There are loads of people whose family calls them one thing and friends something else - i know lots of people who use middle names or nicknames or surnames outside of official documents. My little brother's been called by a middle name since he was born but his first name is on school registers and passport etc and there's never any problem*.

I'm planning on letting family use a name close to my birthname or middle name just for ease and introducing myself to new people with a nickname derived from my birthname's initials.

(*except once in an airport when he was a baby, when security was looking at his passport and said his first name to see if he reacted (to check that it wasn't a fake passport) and he didn't respond... awkward)

[Kylo]

Actually I wasn't going to change my name - it gender neutral anyway, but lately I've come around more and more to the idea of changing it completely.

My parents have begun to turn into worse people - they seem to expect a lot of commitment and demands of me, while thinking they owe nothing but insults in return, it's like the label they use for me is more important than me myself and my needs. I haven't spoken to my father properly in decades, he's not a very nice person anyway. My mother has become worse and worse, my last conversation with her finally made up my mind that she is a hopelessly toxic person I'd be better off without in my life. Changing my name completely seems like it will be a symbolic gesture, freeing me from them to be whoever I want to be (or flipping them the bird, whichever way you look at it).

[WorkingOnThomas]

For me, I've always felt close to my family and so I wanted to chose a family name. I settled on Thomas long before I came out this year because it's the same name as two of my favorite uncles. Selecting a middle name was harder. I wavered between Andrew, Donald and Steven (also all family names) before deciding on Donald, after my maternal grandfather. My other name also begins with a T, but doesn't sound anything like Thomas, so I don't know if slippage (and there has been some at work) is related or not. As for my parents and siblings, they're no longer talking to me, so their preferences are rather irrelevant at this point. My grandmother's advice on the name, however, was to use the opportunity to pick something I'd love for the rest of my life. But not Donald, since it's so "common". But I think she said that just to tease my grandpa.