mom supportive but not really..

[archlord]

Like i posted in another thread i had a very dark weekend where i almost killed myself.

How come my mother is sooooo suportive when im at my lowest level she is like " i love you it doesnt matter blabla"
Then when i am back in normal range as soon as i talk about it  she keeps saying that its going to fast that i should stop my treatment and fix my psychological problems before.  OK RIGHT, i understand i need to fix my psychological problems i have been diagnosticated with a borderline personality disorder this weekend as i was at hospital but this wont change how i feel inside AND even if i wanted to fix my psychological problems , how the *** will it fix itself, i dont believe any magic words comming from a psy will change me. IM LIKE THIS I CANT CHANGE i can only accept it and learn how to live with it. I wont wait 20 years in hope that my borderline personality disorder would go away before i keep going with transition this makes no sense at all.

This is what the psychiatrist at hospital "recommended" me, however my mom took this for words. I am currently seen by a psychologist specialised in gender dysphoria and my weekend at hospital created a link with a psychiatrist expert in this and  they will make me  see him in priority.

I mean... how could fixing my borderline problem could make all my thoughts that i have since im a kid dissapear. There is no way it can happens and i cant get this on her mind.  You also cant fix a borderline problem you can only learn how to live with it.

It is proven that GID and borderline personality disorder are OFTEN linked and you cant treat them apart.

It happens to me when i miss my ex and when i miss having someone in my life to want to be a man and date girls but this never last, my thoughts are always comming back and i know i wont be happy as a guy. Since i begun HRT last month there was only 2 days that i thought that i should be a man  instead of 30 days being a man thinking i should be a woman.. i think i live much better like this.. I really dont want to step back and live with my thoughts present all the time like i used to.. i am exhausted of fighting it.

However when i get in this phase, my mother use this to convince me to stay a man and that i am to unsure and whe she does so, it amplify it.

i am very dissapointed...

[stephaniec]

I've got BPD and the estrogen has helped quite a bit. I used to go wacko when I got triggered.

[Laura_7]

Have a *hug*

Here are some resources that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

There is a letter from an accepting dad...
talking about some restraints parents might have...



and if you feel like it please reach out... there are helplines...
they also have a chat:
www.glbthotline.org/hotline.html
www.thetrevorproject.org
www.translifeline.org


hugs

[melissa_h]

Sorry for the lack of understanding from your Mom.

Now a compliment:   you really do appear to have your thoughts together on the hows and whys of the path you've chosen. It's well reasoned logic, you don't view HRT as a cure-all, and it sounds like you're getting good advice through therapy as well.


I know it is incredibly frustrating when those who are close and influential can't see the logic, and instead respond with advice based primarily on their fears and worries.

[audreelyn]

hey girl! You're not alone.

When I came out to my mom, she said that she was totally supportive, but then said that I had to continue being a man and to hide these urges to spare her the embarrassment. So much for being supportive, right? She also believes that I am going to hell and is constantly trying to save my soul--whatever that entails.

I told her, if she was truly supportive of me, she would help me through my transition. It's not like we asked to be tormented every day of our lives... and it takes a lot of courage and strength to accept that we don't have to live estranged from who we really are. You can make a conscious decision to be happy bc it's you who has to live in your body, not her! So be a woman, if that's what you want. Mom brought you into this world so you can make your own decisions. Be strong. You got this! <3

Audree

p.s.
I love your eyebrows

[warmbody28]

BPD is a pretty big deal. i would say deal with it while your transitioning though

[archlord]

I woke up with a 3 page letter from my dad on my desk.

This is a positive letter, he is apologizing for not having been present in my life enough.  He said that if someone asked me who my father is that i would probably not be able to awnser the question. He wrote in a 3 page letter about his road and his hard childhood  and is asking me to confide to him if i desire to.

[Laura_7]

I woke up with a 3 page letter from my dad on my desk.

This is a positive letter, he is apologizing for not having been present in my life enough.  He said that if someone asked me who my father is that i would probably not be able to awnser the question. He wrote in a 3 page letter about his road and his hard childhood  and is asking me to confide to him if i desire to.

That is good news