i don't know what to do

[ChrisHiker]

I am transgender, but I still fight it. All of my therapist interactions left me high and dry. The one therapist who said he would write me a letter for hormones told me I had to join a trans group first, but he gave me a bad impression because he's so old (I know I'm horrible).

I went to church but afterwards I felt worse because I can't live up to the expectations of not transitioning. I can't help being transgender. I need help. I will try to find another therapist, although this will be 6 or 7.

I scheduled for an IC clinic but i became physically sick because of the prospect of going on female hormones, and not being ready, so i didn't show up.

i don't know what to do anymore. the depression and dysphoria are so bad these days. i have little will to get up in the morning.

[Ms Grace]

Hi Chris - I'm sorry to hear you are not in a good space at the moment. It can be very hard to trust therapists with our deepest thoughts and feelings and finding someone you feel relaxed with is very important. Unfortunately it also sounds like you are very depressed and starting to have consequences for your health (such as missing out on the IC test and treatment). When you're very depressed even the simplest things can seem impossible and forget about the complex things! It can get better but from where you are at the moment - building some emotional strength and stability should be the first starting point. I hope you can find a doctor or therapist who can help - they're not all bad and many are definitely there to help.

[Cindy]

One question springs to mind is what are you fighting and why?

You have seen therapists and, presumably, resisting any interaction they have with you.

There can be many reasons for this and, without having a clinical summary there may well be underlying issues that need to be dealt with, possibly with psychotherapy. Unfortunately good psychotherapists are not common.

How to deal with your issues? To be honest the ball is in your court and has been for a long time. You need to self examine what is bothering you and why. Many of us have PTSD some very severely. Some of us have underlying issues that need to be dealt with. These issues may be quite profound.

One of the biggest issues with having a problem is self acceptance that you have one. Somehow and at sometime you will need to reflect on that before you can move forward.

[ChrisHiker]

One question springs to mind is what are you fighting and why?

You have seen therapists and, presumably, resisting any interaction they have with you.

There can be many reasons for this and, without having a clinical summary there may well be underlying issues that need to be dealt with, possibly with psychotherapy. Unfortunately good psychotherapists are not common.

How to deal with your issues? To be honest the ball is in your court and has been for a long time. You need to self examine what is bothering you and why. Many of us have PTSD some very severely. Some of us have underlying issues that need to be dealt with. These issues may be quite profound.

One of the biggest issues with having a problem is self acceptance that you have one. Somehow and at sometime you will need to reflect on that before you can move forward.

i had in my estimation the best psychotherapist in the country but i scared her one day and her husband took it upon himself to hide in the waiting room bathroom, while i had brought flowers for her.

i can't accept myself for a number of reasons.. i don't know what to do. i'm 27 and i knew i was trans when i was 5.  ive been fighting this my whole life. i know no other way. religion helps but it also hurts. i can feel good awhile but the feelings creep back and dysphoria is more than discomfort it's total loss of hope ttotal depression

[CarlyMcx]

Like the others have said, you are fighting hard against transitioning, and the big question is, why?  You haven't given us any family background or personal history, so it is not really possible for us to offer anything more than guesswork about your situation.

The panic attack (I don't know what else to call it) prior to going in for hormones is an indication that there is something going on with you that is very much against transition.  The question is, is it family, is it religion, or is it something else entirely?