I am new here and rather older than most. Trying to use my accepted name, it was already taken. So in haste I became "Loveable".
I am based mainly in South West England but spend a lot of time away, escaping from cold and wet and generally diverting my own self from myself..
In my heart and head I am very much female but have been playing the male act for years partly due to responsibilities and partly due to threats when I was a toddler back before gender conflict was considered possible in England.
I feel that being forced to try to understand blokes and even socialise with them for years and years and actually having more in common with girls kinda gives one a nice heads up on more of the human race than some have. OK I never had a monthly visitor (lucky eh?) in quite the same way as fully equipped girls but emotions and ways of seeing the world are so, so familiar, aren't they?
In my pre-school days I told my mother that I was a girl and please could my mother and father correct their mistake, please. I thought that all they had to do was tell the neighbours and let me wear a skirt and keep my hair longer. The anatomical differences were, of course, a closely guarded secret.
Anyway in response to that request, I got "Your father will kill you! You will be sent away and locked up in a lunatic asylum. Never talk such nonsense again. Do you hear?!"
Later, "Mummy, what's that scar going down from my tummy button?"
"Oh! That's nothing! Lots of people have that, Dear. Its the way you were made." That has taken forever to sort out and has hinted at other things.
Anyway, my older brother enlightened me about girls' not having winkles but that of course was ridiculouse because how could girls do a wee-wee if they didn't have a winkle?
I had to ask my favourite friend, Valerie. She was very red-faced but assured me (by secret means not for discussion in nice circles) that she had a different kind of plumbing and it worked perfectly well, too. Today I would have said "Cool!" in the 1960s I would have said "Neat!" back then in the olden days I was just plane flabberghasted.
My own bits were a source of considerable discomfort and here was a nice clean tidy piece of plumbing.
Just to add a bit of an update, I still have those annoying original bits and did respond to many of the rules and regulations that controlled me from back when I knew I was really a girl.
So went to boarding school and later to an all male "rugger" school (thanks for the bbent nose!) and then did my required military service. I managed to act the part, partly by assuming a massive enthusiasm for motorbikes and being a crack shot helped - and then also deliberately being different and pontificating about the evils of gambling (poker was rife in the UK forces) and thus being taken as an amusing friend - and I was OK at poker too!
But after national service, I just wanted to be me. Since there was no-one I could confide in I was amazed when an attractive woman more or less befriended me. I guess we saw through each other, both having made extensive amateur studies of psychology and she being in the art world, was rather more open.
So that relationship kept me from "jumping off the roundabout."
We parted years later and now I was in a responsible job where I was befriended by one of the most wonderful of men and his dear wife. In fact I was supposed to be his boss but he actually saw through me and instead of using it to his advantage, he just made me welcome as a friend.
I really miss that guy (yes, the good die young) as he was probably the only person I could really come out to.
Now I am married to a dear woman who knows about me but desperately ignnores my GD and cannot acknowlege it, despite my embarrassing c-cup boobs. That is my current big problem. We have a son who does understand it but says he still loves me and I'm his Dad and that's that.
But nowadays I get great support from my doctor and a specialist in gender matters and have regular help with hormone treatment and a bit of a smile and a lot of kindness.
Any ancient (or modern) bod want a friend in the west (or possibly western France)?
