Hi there redhot!
I haven't posted here for a while, but I've been lurking regularly and felt I had to reply to this.
Quote from: redhot1 on November 27, 2015, 08:11:42 PM
* I find the idea cool to become a woman, but seeing how it's not something on my mind all the time, from week to week, it's not me.
We all have that, no matter what it is. Life throws things at you that distract you for a while, or you just get tired of thinking the same thoughts over and over and find something to distract you, or sometimes something really interesting comes up that absorbs all of your attention for a while. That's all perfectly normal with anything you have an interest in hun
For example, I've been a gamer ever since I was about 6 years old and I went around my friend Leanne's house to play Sonic on her megadrive (#showingmyage lol =P), but sometimes I get totally burnt out on gaming and just take a break for a few months, or something will come up in RL that means I don't have the time and/or energy to indulge in the hobby, or sometimes there just won't anything interesting or new around to capture my interest at the time. Does any of that mean I'm not a "real gamer"? No, of course not. That's just ridiculous. I love and enjoy video games over any other entertainment, and they've been a big part of my life, and the identity of "gamer" is something I feel fits me rather comfortably. Just because I need a break from them sometimes doesn't make me any less a gamer.
Its the same with transition - it's a big, weighty topic to think about in-depth. The amount of soul-searching you have to do is beyond what many cis folk will ever do in their entire lifetime. It's perfectly reasonable to take a break from that from time to time when it gets too much, or when other things in life need your attention.
The better question to ask yourself here hun is -
do you keep coming back to it?See, I'm a gamer because - when all is said and done - I still come back to it time and again. Its the same with transition - if thoughts of being a gender inconsistent with your birth sex keep coming back, even after months or even years of not thinking about it, then it shows there's an unresolved issue there of some kind that your brain still feels needs dealing with.
Obviously, the sooner you deal with that unresolved issue - whatever it may be - the sooner your brain can move on to other things properly
Quote from: redhot1 on November 27, 2015, 08:11:42 PM
* I was "triggered" to make this post here because at this moment, I was returning to my "I don't know if I will ever get that beautiful desirable girl to date" fantasy. I would think that becoming a woman myself would make that overwhelming desire go away, or at least manifest itself into something different. Women don't have to deal with the lust and desire that men do of gorgeous women (trans-or-cis-women). Men are also made to feel ashamed of that desire. I'm stuck in a rut in my general life, anyway.
Oh gosh hunni, where do I even begin with how incorrect this train of thought is? lol
Women absolutely *DO* have to deal with those feelings, be it for a man, a woman, or any other colour of the rainbow in between. It's perhaps true to some extent that women have been socialised to *HIDE* that lust and desire better, but that by no stretch of the imagination means it isn't there lol
The only real difference between the lust men and women feel all comes down to hormones - testosterone (as I understand it at least) is known for amplifying libido. So yes, people with lower levels of testosterone may well not have quite the same magnitude to the feelings they have (they still have them, just maybe not as intensely). As we all know, male-borns tend to (but of course, not always) naturally have higher testosterone levels than female-borns. Transition typically involves replacing those hormones, so that will likely change the intensity of these feelings accordingly.
Notice my language here though - I'm not talking in terms of men and women, other than a passing comment of how this relates to natal males and natal females. Instead I'm talking purely about the hormonal effects on *ANY* human being (and come to that - many animal species too).
What's my point? Simply that it's entirely an option to modify your hormone levels (with professional medical help, of course) if they're causing you distress of some kind. I.e. it's perfectly acceptable to still be a cis-male, but take HRT to curb testosterone that you feel is out of control. Similarly, maybe you feel like you're not fully female, but you don't fit being fully male either, so maybe something in the non-binary area is more right for you.
And to bring it full circle - maybe you are fully female - desires for women are by no means mutually exclusive with being a woman yourself. That train of thought comes from grossly misinformed mainstream media. Sexuality and Gender Identity are two separate and intendant components. Have you never heard of a lesbian? Do you truly think cis-gendered lesbian women don't have lusts and desires for women like you do? Sure, they may not have the amplifying effects of testosterone like you do at the moment so they may not be the same intensity, but it's rather irrational to think they don't drool over hot models on the TV too. Have you considered that you might just be a lesbian female?
I guess the point I'm trying to really make here is - don't box yourself in just because of silly misconceptions by the mainstream media surrounding sexuality and gender. You absolutely *CAN* be a trans lesbian woman, if that's your thing. Equally, you absolutely *CAN* be a cis male who just wants to take the edge off his testosterone, if that's your thing too. And equally equally, you absolutely *CAN* be some colour of the rainbow in between all of that, if that is your thing
Quote from: redhot1 on November 27, 2015, 08:11:42 PM
* I come from a totally different gender background (this is my most hotly-debated point).
I'd love to hear more about this, if you're ok with talking about it hun?
Quote from: redhot1 on November 27, 2015, 08:11:42 PM
What do you guys think and analyze of this?
(I'm afraid of being talked into being something I'm not, though)
It's perfectly valid to be worried about being talked into something you're not. I (and I'm sure many others here) have had / continue to have similar fears. Understand though that the opposite should also be true - you should be equally scared of being talked into *NOT* being something that you really are.
Any trans person worth their salt will not try to convince you that you're trans when you're not. This is not a club or a fad or a political movement, this is a medical condition. It would be very bad for your health to receive treatment for a condition you don't have. Equally though, it would also be bad for your health to *NOT* receive treatment for a condition you *DO* have. This is why you'll see so many people here saying "go see a therapist" and "only you can really know for sure, we can't tell you". Only you know how you're truly feeling, and only a professional therapist can truly help you get to the bottom of those feelings and activate the medical services for treatment. All any of us can do is help guide you in the right direction by relaying what we know, and provide you with community-based support as you need it
With all that said, here are some thought-experiments you absolutely should try to help gain some clarity on your inner feelings:
The Morpheus Test"Hello Neo, I am Morpheus. The Oracle told me you were coming and now here you are.
I offer you a simple choice. In my hands I hold two pills.
If you take the blue pill, you will return to your life as a male. Any thoughts of being a female or transitioning will be gone. All your friends and family and the people you know will remember you as having always been nothing less than 100% male, and you will forget that any of this ever happened.
If you take the red pill, you will return to your life as a female. Any thoughts of being a male will be gone. All your friends and family and the people you know will remember you as having always been nothing less than 100% female, and you will see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Which one do you choose?"(note - female-to-male trans folk can obviously swap the genders around as appropriate)
This thought experiment is very useful for getting to the bottom of what's really important to you. It helps a lot with stripping away all the social hangups that come with being trans. It also helps a lot with highlighting just what those hangups are, and how much of your doubt boils down to "what will people think of me?" I mean, if it was something you truly wanted to do, and there were no consequences (social or medical) for doing it, then why wouldn't you? So if you find yourself saying "well, obviously I'd take the red pill without a second thought!", that would suggest that many of your doubts come from your fear of societal views of you, but you actually *DO* want to transition. Conversely, if you definitely choose the blue pill, that would suggest you're actually comfortable being cis-male, and that perhaps something else is going on.
"Oh, I'm not really sure which one I'd take..."
This would suggest something else is blocking you. Try some of the other tests below and maybe try this one again later when you've gained some more insight
"I wouldn't choose either" / "I would choose both! (because I'm cool and edgy like that lol
)"
That smacks of non-binary right there! Does androgyny (neither male nor female) sound at all appealing to you? What about gender fluidity? "Bearded Ladies" like
Conchita Wurst may be your jam
Think carefully, and think truthfully. You're not trying to impress anyone, you're trying to get to the bottom of your true self, so don't cheat because you'll only be cheating yourself
The Never Ever Test"Hi there, I'm your doctor and I regret to inform you that we have just found you have a rare and previously undiagnosed condition called Cisgenderism. This means you can never ever transition - *EVER*. Even wearing clothes makeup etc of the opposite sex, acting in any way like the opposite sex etc will result in debilitating pain and eventually death"How does that make you feel? Did you just shrug your shoulders and say "meh, that's a shame but whatever"? Or did it feel like the bottom of your world just fell out? Perhaps its some shade of grey between those two extremes.
While the Morpheus Test helps get to the bottom *what* you want, this test helps get to the bottom of how much you want it. If you were *FORCED* into a direction due to circumstances outside your control, how strongly would you feel about it?
Note, it can also be useful to flip this around and rephrase it to say that you can never ever be cis-gendered and you *MUST* transition.
The Desert Island TestSo you were on a cruise ship, a once-in-a-lifetime trip around the world, when tragedy struck and the ship hit a reef and sank Titanic-style. You made it off the ship and several weeks later you wash up on the shore of a desert island in the middle of nowhere. You're all alone with exactly zero hope of rescue, but fortunately there's enough food (etc) on the island to keep you going the rest of your life.
After being on the island a few days, several trunks of possessions from the sunken ship wash up on shore, all containing an assortment of male and female clothing, makeup etc. The question -
what do you wear?This question once again helps strip away societal pressures and asks if you were all by yourself, who would you be? This question also helps get to the bottom of how important presentation is to you. Be careful in your interpretation here though - maybe you say "well actually I'd prefer male clothes". Does that mean you're not trans? No, not necessarily. It might just be that you are trans, but presentation is simply not all that important to you, and with no one around to present to, you may go for the more practical and arguably comfortable "male" clothing (I mean, climbing a palm tree in a skirt and heels is no easy task lol!). This question instead simply digs down to how important presentation is to you, rather than if you're trans or not. Maybe you're a cis-gendered male who likes to cross-dress? In which case presentation will likely be extremely important. Maybe you're a trans female? In which case the presentation might be somewhat important to begin with, but maybe it fades over time as you start to feel it doesn't really matter as much as actually being yourself. Perhaps you're more non-binary, and like to mix it up from day to day. You get the idea
It's also worth pointing out that medical transition would be next to impossible on a desert island, so this can be twisted into a variant of the Never Ever Test if you want a slightly different angle on it
The Bad Transition Test"Hi there, this is your doctor. I'm pleased to say your transition is now complete! Unfortunately, we made some mistakes and now you're rather disfigured and - to use the medical term - freakishly ugly. But at least you're a woman now, so that's something... right?"Again, what are you feelings here? This question could be rephrased as "what's worse - being a handsome cis-male or an ugly trans-woman?" I mean, obviously no one *WANTS* to be ugly, but is your desire to transition strong enough to override the consequences should it all go (if you'll forgive the pun) tits-up? Again, this helps put the strength of your feelings, and compares those feelings to the level of risk. Remember, transition absolutely *CAN* go badly wrong in the real world. Hormones can have unexpected effects, surgeons can make big mistakes and unforeseen complications can arise that can leave you hideously disfigured. Fortunately these things tend to be the exception rather than the rule, but they are still a possibility. Can you live with the consequences, should the worst happen? Are your desires to transition strong enough to make those risks ones worth taking?
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I think that will do for now because this has turned into yet another essay post from me lol
I've found these thought experiments rather useful in trying to answer some fundamental questions about what I want and how much do I want it. Hopefully they can help you in your journey of self-discovery too. And whether you turn out to be a trans female, a cis male who just likes a bit of cross dressing, or some colour of the rainbow in between, the real question you really want to ask yourself is -
are you currently being your true, authentic self? And if not, why not?
