I'll try my best to keep it short and comprehensible.
I am in a relationship with a heterosexual m2f girl. We've been together for almost 4 years. She really is the most wonderful girl, and the first real love of my life.
Through these four years she had to put up with my depression and... my own m2f transition.
When we first met, I told her about my intention of transitioning, and she's been really supportive; but I don't think she ever thought I would do it. Anyway, I'm sure she'd stick with me through it and after it.
Sex has never been good for us. She isn't comfortable with her male parts, and neither am I with my male parts. She does not intend to have surgery, while I want to have it on me.
Besides, while I am not a big fan of male parts, she definitely is.
So we usually just do some rubbing and jerking, when I feel like it (not very often).
The big problem is that I often go through periods when I feel like meeting other people, knowing other girls, maybe having sex with other girls (which I know isn't going to happen because it's highly unlikely that a cis girl will ever consider having sex with a m2f lesbian like me).
My girlfriend does not seem to have any particular sexual need but maybe she's in denial. She often told me that she feels guilty and dirty about herself, and I guess she has fantasies too.
So, I know that this looks like a big mess. I mean, we are so totally incompatible when it comes to sex.
But we love each other so much. I cannot overstate it. It's like the most tender relationship, and I don't wanna lose her. But I really don't know what to do. I really can't cope with my fantasies anymore, and I feel very guilty.
Sorry if my post looks just like a big rushed rant. I guess it is.
Any suggestion will be highly appreciated.
