Fear and panic

[zazh95]

I'm in the first week of HRT. Although this is something I have wished for years, and I have a regular diagnosis from a psychiatrist and a psychologist for GID, Now that is the first week I'm feeling so anxious and kind of regretting.. I have lots of fears that people is going to notice my changings and react improperly. My family already knows, but it's still pretty uncomfortable with the idea of my transition. I lost my mother last year and I don't work or go to college yet (I've tried, but I quitted since the idea of starting transition and since I live in a bigoted country).. I'm feeling so strange.. Should I stop now or wait since it's a normal phase?

[KayXo]

Go see your psychologist and have a long talk with them. Do what feels right to you. Good luck.

[Laura_7]

Here are some resources that might help you with acceptance:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

It might help if you have a bit more self acceptance...
many people now say being tg is biological, to do with development before birth.
So its nobodys fault, and it is simply a condition people should be asked to help with.

In the link are a few resources which might be shown. They might be translated to your language.
There are a few solved restraints included like: parents did not cause this... by their upbringing... etc...

Well... many people experience relief after taking hormones of the gender they identify with.
You might think about how it makes you feel... apart from some restraints you might have.
Simply a bodily feeling... if its a feeling of well being...

someone described it as a diesel engine having run on regular... and now being able to run on diesel...


*hugs*

[Mallory]

I had a big break down 6 weeks into my first go 'round due to socio-economic/financial/emotional duress.  It passed, I righted myself, and got back on the horse 85 days later.  I'm now 7 days away from 4 months in and life is great. As the others have suggested I would find someone to talk to, take a step back, and get right with the world around you. 

You just got hit; it's up to you whether or not you get back up.  

[Ms Grace]

the changes will take a while to be obvious - at least six to twelve months in the breast department. Even after that time it is still possible to keep them under wraps, so to speak. People might notice you look a bit younger too but they're not likely to put two and two together and work out that you are on HRT and transitioning. It is some of the non HRT things that are likely to be more noticeable - like if you remove/reduce body hair, shape eyebrows, remove your beard etc. Even so, you probably have months ahead of you. So don't panic. As mentioned above, discuss your anxiety with your psychiatrist.

[Rachel]

I came out to my supervisor and HR fearing the changes from HRT would be obvious, this was pre-HRT. 1.5 years on HRT and my supervisor said my hair look like a guy's ( I had it back and neat although long). The next day I wore it down. My work shirts were baggy so there was little too see.

My supervisor is heavy and at a meeting with HR about 6 months ago I said I want to come out and be myself. I said it is becoming more difficult hiding my breasts. He pointed to himself and said he has to hide his (due to fat). I explained the difference and that I can no longer hide.

11/13/2015 I was on HRT for almost 2.5 years and I changed my ID to Rachel and came out in 8 meetings at work. I expressed shortly after. I work in Facilities at a University Hospital and am in charge of Operating Engineers, pipe fitters, electricians and refrigeration mechanics. I have had welcoming and support from everyone where I work.

Friday two Operating Engineer supervisors came to me to me when I was in the control room and said I am showing off. I said what do you mean. Both have multiple daughters. One said when my daughters are showing off I tell them to wear a bra. They said a few of the guys are commenting and you need to wear a bra. I said then I will look bigger. One said you are a woman and you need to wear a bra. The were kind and tactful ( these guys are usually blunt and tactless)  and I need to get fitted for a bra. Woman's shirts are thin and tighter than male shirts.

Since I came out a few guys apologized to me for the language they used in front of me in the past. I have also noticed in the control room when I am there the language is clean and the female comments have stopped. I have had a few guys rub my arm when talking to me in an elevator lobby which never happened before. I have had so many come out to me and discuss very personal family issues I am surprised.

My therapist said for me to give HRT 4 months. Three weeks later I told her I will never come off HRT but I am scared of the changes and how people will treat me. I love the changes and people have treated me very well. I get looks from strangers but I managed to somehow not care. I am 53 and would need major FFS to look female.