Hiya girls!!
Basically I just wanted to give everyone on here a little update since I haven't posted in quite a while.
I'm back at university, starting my second year. The workload is pretty hectic!!
Anyway, just after this semester began (and just after I had started being with my friends and girlfriend regularly again) I had a bit of a freak out. It was one night when I was laying in bed with her and she had had a bad day. She was crying earlier in the day and had just released a lot of stress about work and our relationship (she can be insecure because she doesn't see how beautiful she is
). After she had finished crying she looked at me, smiled and said "hehe... so now that I've got everything off my chest is there anything you want to tell me?". I looked at her and I just thought to myself "I can't tell her anything now, and I don't want to ever lose her!" so I told her I didn't have anything to say. I came so close to coming out to her. I could feel the words forming but they just couldn't come out of my mouth
This was the beginning of my mini "purge". I deleted all the photos I had on my phone of myself dressed up and I hid all of my clothes away. I even stopped talking to my Transgender friend on twitter who lives in the same city as me. I felt guilty because we really wanted to meet up at her house
Anyway, for about a month I didn't feel much need to be Hannah. I didn't dress up, I didn't visit the forum and I didn't go on my female twitter account. I acted completely male. It was during this time though that me and my girlfriend had our first fight, and she observed that I generally seemed a bit more distant. I wasn't feeling uncomfortable being a guy (far from it) and I didn't really yearn to be a woman either. This was until last week - a wig I had ordered ages ago came in the post. I took it to my room and I tried it on. Suddenly everything I used to feel came back to me. The femininity, the comfort, I felt like I liked myself again and I felt happier while I was wearing it!!
So that brings me to right now, writing this. Still in the closet. Still pre-everything. I'm sitting here on my bed. Wig on. Makeup on. panties and bra and women's clothes all on! I even got a pair of earrings that I've simply taped to my ears
I just did a little photo-shoot in my room and I loved every second of it!! I don't think I'm quite ready to tell anybody just yet, but I feel I may have just about gotten over a small hurdle
Sorry for the long post and the sheer bombardment of photos!! I was just kinda feeling good about myself!!
xxx
