Do you grieve for your lost girlhood/boyhood?

[Rina]

I don't grieve for not being born cisgender, since I think I would have been an entirely different person then.

I do however grieve for not coming out once I realized that I am trans, when I was around 13-14 years old. I grieve for not having had the opportunity to go on puberty blockers (my puberty had barely started at that time, it was late and slow due to me being hormonally different; at least this wasn't discovered until the pre-HRT checkups, as I'm sure they would have pumped me full of T if they had found out during my teens), I grieve for not having had the opportunity to start HRT in my late teens, and I grieve for remaining in the closet and having let myself be a suppressed, miserable person throughout my twenties and into my early thirties.

I also grieve for compensating for the fact that everything about my sexuality felt "wrong" (I'm bisexual, but my attraction towards men felt heterosexual and my attraction towards women felt homosexual, meaning all my fantasies were "reversed") and added to my dysphoria, by falling for religiously conservative arguments telling me that they were wrong. It became an ecco chamber with my dysphoria feeding the sexual conservatism and the other way around, and it left me with the experience of a fourteen-years-old in the relationship and sex department, as a 33-years-old. And now I feel like I'll never find someone to share my life with, which sent me into a depression earlier this fall - I'm thankfully feeling a lot better now, and at least I know that the reason I can even grieve over this is because I in general feel so much better, so much less dysphoric, that I'm finally able to access my grief over my history, since I now know that it could have been different. Also, in general, I've been a lot more in touch with my emotions after I started HRT. And perhaps that will help me move on, and get past these issues and finally start living my life.

So yes, I grieve, but by "losing my childhood" I mean "not transitioning when I first realized". I can't even imagine being born cis, and in a sense, being trans has taught me so much, and essentially made me into a better person. Of course, I could have been a good person also if I were cis, but I would have been a different good person. And even though my life has been, and still is, challenging, I still wouldn't trade being me for being someone else.

[highlight]

Yes very much so. I is the main face of my disphoria and has nearly killed me. Although in my case I did come out as a teenager. I am now 20 and looking for hormones.

When I hear about transgender kids I get very angry and question whether they deserve what they have.

As a teenager I was very effeminate so I got to express myself to a degree. I am extremely angry at my parents.

I believe gender is inborn so there is a paradox here. I you greave the loss of a girl hood then you were a girl and if you were a girl then you should not be sad.

I don't believe I was that much different from other girls just on the wrong side when the fence went up.

[mfox]

I mainly wish I had been able to get through puberty at the right age.   No one told me how embarrassing the early months of transition were going to be.  Dressing inappropriately, no control of emotions, saying and doing things as an older person that a teenager would do is just not very forgivable.

"Naughty trans women go to a special hell where they must only wear the clothes they bought during the first six months of their transition".

[AnamethatstartswithE]

Honestly, I grieve more for my lost 20's. I was something of a geeky nerd groeing up, and girl me is even geekier and nerdier so I'm pretty sure that male or female I would have been an outcast. I really wish I could have my 20's back though, so I could explore who I am while still young.

[Tessa James]

I mainly wish I had been able to get through puberty at the right age.   No one told me how embarrassing the early months of transition were going to be.  Dressing inappropriately, no control of emotions, saying and doing things as an older person that a teenager would do is just not very forgivable.

"Naughty trans women go to a special hell where they must only wear the clothes they bought during the first six months of their transition".

LOL but come on, we have also developed some acute coping skills that most teenagers are just getting used to maybe?  I did shock myself a few times early on tho so yea it can be embarrassing but humility is OK too