How far did you deviate from the "standard narrative"?

[Deborah]

​
Time for true confessions, LOL. Seriously, I have thought about all these things a lot to figure myself out over the years. If anyone reads anything that makes you think I have talked myself into a huge delusion then please speak up or send me a message. It won't hurt my feelings.

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth
No. Before puberty I was atypical. I was extremely shy to the point of phobia, unathletic, and nerdish. In those days being nerdish meant I spent my time reading a lot. I always felt I was different than others but never connected that difference to gender. In fact, I really didn't have any clear idea about gender differences and never felt any curiosity to think about it.

At puberty, age 11, it hit. Only one thing on my mind. I wanted to be a girl. I explain to myself that wanting to be a girl at that time rather feeling like I was one was because I was aware of what I was physically and had no concept of there being a difference between sex and gender as they are described today.

This has always kind of bothered me because I always hear the typical narrative of knowing since you were three. I don't even remember anything at all from when I was three. Since I didn't get going until age 11 I have always had a nagging fear I was a fetishist with an overactive imagination.

I didn't have any knowledge of transsexualism until about age 14 or 15 when I discovered it in of all places a Hustler magazine. Hahaha . But when I saw that I knew that was what I was.

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender
This one is kind of ambiguous. I had no sisters so there were no "girl toys" available. I remember wanting an easy bake oven but I also knew that it was a prohibited item to desire. I do remember that at a very young age I was fully aware that expressing anything feminine was prohibited. I don't know why I knew that. Maybe something happened that I can't remember anymore.

I liked reading a lot. I liked Lincoln logs and erector sets a lot. I liked chemistry sets. I also played rough and tumble things outside with my friends and was a scout.

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could
From age 11 to 13 yes. Then my mother found my stuff and told my father. They both called me a lot of bad things. Then a few months later I got sent off to an all male military school. I had no opportunity after that except on vacation time back home where I dressed frequently.

If any parents are lurking and reading this here is a message. If you treat your child like this they will resent you forever. They will still love you and might hide their resentment very well, but it will remain, even after you get old and die that resentment will remain.

After high school and College, which was also a military place, I have continued to dress, but maybe not as often as I could.

Since starting HRT I don't dress much at all except in jeans. I have a couple of times and really it just feels like clothes, neither good nor bad. This gives me a little concern about that whole fetishistic thing. I do however feel very good seeing myself with longer hair and with a body that is slowly conforming to my mind picture. Maybe I'm just weird.

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth
No. I wasn't disgusted by them. I just wanted them to go away and for the right ones to be there. I never tried to cut them off either. Maybe I was too afraid of the inevitable pain. I did however often hope I would have some bad accident or get cancer so they would have to be removed. That's pretty sick hoping for that.

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth
No. I got sent away to military school so there was no other sex to be around. Plus I decided on entering that school at age 13 to become something different. I became outgoing, athletic, academic and was overall the one in the school everyone envied.

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender
Yes. This had been persistent.

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender
Yes. But it wasn't constant. It came in waves. Finally in my 40s the waves became overwhelming.  That's when I came very close to suicide.

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body
Yes. I have described it like that for a long time. But I'm not really sure if I thought of it or if I read that description elsewhere and adopted it into my narrative because it seemed to fit.

I'll add one more thing. This is about sexuality. I'm not really sure if I'm heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, or if those terms even hold real meaning in a transsexual person. My first semi-sexual experience was in high school where a friend got aggressively feely with me. I stopped it before it could , er, go to completion but in my mind I was 100% a girl getting felt up. It felt good, in fact it was probably the most erotic feeling I have had in my whole life, even though it stopped short. Since then I have been married and exclusively with my wife.  Sex there was always infrequent and pretty much stopped about 10 years ago.

[cindianna_jones]

Deborah,

I'm still stymied about the sexuality thing. I have no real urges of any kind. I'm sure I could go the rest of my life without it. However, I would like to find someone to share my life with. And right now, I'm thinking that could be a woman. Not for intimate sex to be sure. It's just that the sweetest kisses I ever had were from my ex-wife over three decades ago.

I married a guy and we were together for nearly 25 years. He left last fall because he said he was homophobic about me and had been from the start. When my money ran out, so did he. Go figure.

While I do find both men and women attractive, I don't care about sex. An intimate moment and body contact? That would be nice. I think that the new word for bisexual is pansexual. A pansexual doesn't care about the other's gender. I think it also includes loving one of us? Perhaps I'll find someone who can change my mind. Who knows?

Cindi

[Peep]

I think before puberty I was a mixture - I liked animals more than people and most animal toys are neutral, except horses, which for some reason are geared towards girls despite the fact that loads of men ride? lol

Clothes wise I wore things my mother picked out or things like Lion King t-shirts, again kind of neutral there. I used to get into fights with a friend of mine as a little kid about what gender some of the characters in disney movies were. I don't think little children always have a defined idea of gender - some will but not all. I was barely even aware that i was human haha.

So aside from not always being able to read the gender of fictional characters as a child, I don't think I fit the standard narrative until puberty, which is when my body dysphoria started. I don't really identify with the idea that clothes or occupations really have a gender.

[Kylo]

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth
Yeah, I always knew.

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender
To be honest I played with everything, but I definitely preferred robots and dinosaurs over dolls. I did have a doll's house, though, in which lived my dinosaurs. My favorite toys were in fact legos and cardboard boxes. Which I'd say are pretty genderless.

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could
Pretty much.

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth
Totally.

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth
Not really. I had both female and male best friends. But I didn't understand why they liked what they liked. And in girl-only groups I felt uncomfortable. I think I was more comfortable around boys, but usually most comfortable around any gender if it was not a group. One other person and myself was always very easy to handle. I did not like groups or gangs.

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender
I do now, but in the past I didn't. This is because I have a phobia of being put out and cut open.

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender
Oh my yes

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body
Wrong body, wrong life... absolutely.

[Jamie_06]

I didn't know since my earliest memories. In fact, I remember exactly when it started... puberty. Right around the middle of 7th grade, a few months after I turned 13.

I never played with stereotypically-feminine toys as a kid. I actually hated them because they were "girly." My female friends were all of the more tomboyish variety. (Side note: I hated super-masculine toys too, so I've always been more in the middle in terms of interests)

I didn't cross-dress. I tried once, but it did nothing but make me feel depressed because of how awful it looked on me. My only real clothing-related battle was that I really wanted the ability to wear shorter shorts like I used to in grade school without being made fun of.

I never had problems with boys socially. Even though my absolute singular closest friend in childhood was a girl, a vast majority of my friends were boys. And I really didn't have a problem with that. I had a secret club called the Wildcats with four boys, made a series of comic books with two boys, and my best high school friend is a guy.

The rest is pretty typical, but I'm definitely a later-onset trans person who wasn't at all super-effeminate as a child, I always sorta straddled a line between typical guyish behavior and more gender-nonconforming ones.

Also, even though I was a bit depressed, not to the degree that is "typical" where it dominated my life. Mostly it was just a long lingering annoyance that I was mostly able to ignore and be happy in spite of it.

This is pretty close to my experience. First wanted to be a girl around 12-13, typical childhood for a male except I didn't like sports at all, only crossdressed a few times, mostly just stuffing one of my mom's bras and wearing it. I had no idea transition was possible and I was starting to get involved in Christian Fundamentalism back then, so lack of anything to do about it plus religious shame led to those early feelings being buried until just recently. I have been periodically wracked by depression that seemingly came out of nowhere, and was on anti-OCD meds for a few years as a result. Still don't know where that originally came from.

I guess the main things I could point to are that I was always more emotional than any boy I knew and still cry very easily, the fact that I've always secretly wanted breasts, disliked having body hair, and never got the hang of standing up to pee, and how I held out longer than most boys in chorus about switching to the tenor/baritone section. I had a high soprano voice I was really proud of and continued defiantly forcing myself to hit all the high notes until my teacher had to step in and reassign me. I have also always felt uncomfortable about asking anyone on a date and prefer to be asked instead, and any "male bonding" thing usually leaves me with that "I'm surrounded by idiots" feeling.

[koreanmochi]

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I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth
Nope as a child I was super girly haha the dysphoria didn't hit until I was 12. It wasn't wanting be another gender that started it it was the apathy I had to things that came with being a woman I suppose like being a wife, having children and being somebody's girlfriend. The emotional idiosyncrasies confused me.

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender
I played with mostly girl toys but as an older child I started getting really into anime and video games. I still collect dolls Asian ball jointed dolls.

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could
Eh not really Part of the struggle of accepting that I might be trans was I still liked and like female clothing. I like and have a desire to wear men's clothing. It was really hard I felt like I could only have or other for a really long the ability to continue wearing girl and boy clothing or the ability to be myself and transition 

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth
Apathetic would be a better term. I felt disconnected to my body more than trapped.  I don't mind looking at my body but I can't help but think ah this feels wrong in a apathetic way. 

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth
Uncomfortable no, I didn't understand girls they were so dramatic and emotional and as a child I played with boys. Now I have friends of both genders. -A- heh

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender
I do I want to connect my soul back to my body. So I can finally stop having panic attacks/nervous break down when A boyfriend kisses me or tries to touch me.

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender
All of the above but for different reasons than just gender. I didn't have the normal story I liked and still like girly things. I wasn't into boy things outside of anime. I was attracted to boys. I began to hate myself because despite all this something insisted I was male. Insisted I was a not a normal girl who dressed like a normal girl but a gay boy who cross dressed sometimes and loved " girly " things. I had panic attacks about it. At the same time I was bullied for being Asian. That was a tough time. I couldn't fit anywhere I thought I didn't belong anywhere

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body
Ahh more like my soul and body disconnected and I need to upgrade my body to match my soul. *^*

I deviant a lot from the standard narrative that's why it was so hard to I am/was trans


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[FreyasRedemption]

Let's see.
I didn't always know. Well, not fully. I knew that there was something wrong with my body, but as a kid, I just focused on something else to forget about it. I realized what exactly was wrong at the age of 13, due to puberty-related physical changes.
Toys and activities? My choice of toys were always animal figurines, kind of gender-neutral stuff. Back in kindergarten, I always played with the girls, until gender separation caught up and they started regarding me as one of the boys. I had to seek out the boys' company to avoid being left alone. That continued on all the way up to today.
Disgusted by the genitals? Not so much "disgusted" as "got used to them being there, but never really understood why they were there in the first place, or that women didn't have the same kind of parts." That was until I learned more about anatomy, in other words......age 13, puberty changes.
Uncomfortable around guys? Not as a kid, I wasn't. But now I am, which has disastrous effects on my social life, as girls are uncomfortable around me for the same reasons I'm uncomfortable around guys, which essentially has led to the situation that I'm now in. That is, I don't have anyone I could call a friend.
Surgery? If that wasn't an option, I probably would have killed myself ages ago.
Trapped in the wrong body? Well, technically not. The body is still mine, but it has so many flawed things that need fixing. Genitals, body hair, adam's apple, lack of tits. There's a lot of work to be done.

[DarkWolf_7]

The whole typical standard narrative that I kept seeing over the years is why I had been so doubtful for a while, I thought I had to fit into that narrative. It only made me frustrated that I had these feelings and believing that I couldn't be anymore than non-binary. (And what a relief to find out I didn't have to when I really delved into it).

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth
As I've stated, I didn't know. I don't even remember being really little and even being a bit older I just remember having this one vague memory of fantasizing of being a boy but it never really happened again. I didn't even think it was a possibility to be anything other than what was assigned at birth until beginning of highschool when I saw someone who said they were trans. I only started thinking of myself as agender at the end of highschool and finally just male last year.

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender

Toys/activities were never really gendered in my mind and my family never really put it that way so I played with everything.

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could
For a long time I was just wearing hand-me downs (mix of girl/boy clothes because my mother never really payed attention) and I didn't really care what I wore. Only a couple of times was I actually made to wear a dress (usually because clean laundry was running low). I kind of just wore too big t-shirts and blue jeans and I tried to dress a bit more feminine thinking that's what girls are suppose to do in my later teen years before coming in terms with my actual gender.

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth
I don't know if it was disgusted or rather just really uncomfortable and unsure why. I knew there were things about me that didn't feel right but it was going to take me a while to figure out the reason why.

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth
Definitely not, until reaching college I had mostly female friends. And for a good part of my life boys made it pretty clear that I was not liked.

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender
I definitely want that now but not before I knew I was trans. I didn't really know much about it but I do remember when I was younger I found these videos of people transitioning and I'd watch them being totally amazed, I don't know if it was out of curiosity sake or because deep down I knew I wanted that to for myself.

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender
I checked this one because I suffered all three but I am not entirely sure which is linked with my gender which is not. I just know it had been persistent since hitting puberty, the same time I started feeling uncomfortable about my body.

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body
In a sense I guess, I felt disconnect with my body as if it was someone else's and only now being on T am I starting to feel like it is mine. But I feel it's less like being in the wrong body and more like needing to correct this one because it looks wrong (if that made any sense).

[emma-f]

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth

For me it was always there, whether I really understood what it was I don't know, but until puberty came along whenever gender was an importance (generally play / make believe etc) I always wanted to be the girl. When puberty came along I got very confused for a while, not understanding the gender / sexuality difference, and trying so hard to fit in. Maybe from 16/17 I knew for certain what I was, but it took me 16 years to really do anything about it, out of fear. My biggest error, until now, was caring too much about what others thought, and not realising that whilst people care about me, they probably never really cared about my gender

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender

Definitely! I always played nurse, and Christmas after Christmas I was let down by Santa who never got me the pink bike with the basket on the front!

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could

Yep. Unfortunately I did this a few times around 6/7 years old and my parents ridiculed me, and after that it became a private activity

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth

although I don't like my penis, I don't think I'm disgusted by it

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth

Yes yes yes! Never been able to chat to boys. Just always felt like the outside.

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender

I don't know if this is what I want. I want to feel right and happy. It might be something I need however

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender

This one isn't me. Just a fairly happy person, and kind of take my gender issues with a "->-bleeped-<- happens" type approach

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body

Yeah, I suppose that is right. I always felt wrong in that body. As my body has changed, I feel more and more comfortable and free in my new body

[Rejennyrated]

I think the way I differ from the "standard narrative" is that despite having been born over half a century ago I was largely allowed to make that choice at an early age, and with a few compromises, was allowed to live the dream for all bar a brief period during my teens when lack of availablity of puberty blockers, and reluctance to treat someone so young contrived to force me temporarily fully back into assigned role.

hence the only two options I do not choose are the last two, because I've never felt suicidal or trapped. I have had a very positive life and although my journey hhas been unconventional, and at times has involved pushing against a few boundaries, on the whole it has all been pretty positive, and i have never been "trapped".

[KathyLauren]

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth
Not really.  I don't remember ever thinking that I was a girl.  But, way back to when I was a kid, I remember wanting to be one.

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender
I didn't get to "prefer" toys.  I played with the toys my parents gave me.  If I had had a preference for "girls'" toys, I would have self-censored it: I knew the rules.  That is a skill that, unfortunately, I have always excelled at.

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could
Yes, absolutely.

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth
I can't really say that I had/have strong feelings about them at all.  They are there.  I wish they weren't.

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth
Yes.  I never fit in among groups of boys.  I didn't play sports.  I was the kid they all picked on.  Now I know why, of course: they knew something about me that I didn't.

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender
Yes, I do.

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender
A bit of depression, yes.  More so now that I understand the source of it.  I have never felt suicidal.  I am a survivor: I can tough out just about anything, as witnessed by the fact that I am only coming to terms with all this in my 60s. 

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body
I'll have to think about that for a bit.  That old self-censorship may be at work there.  I don't recall ever thinking the "trapped in the wrong body" thought, but perhaps that is just a different way of saying, "Damn, I wish I was a woman."  I have had that thought a lot.

[LivingTheDream]

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth

As far as I know, nope, I was a boy. Idk if I knew the difference though. My first school friend was a girl so maybe I thought myself as one too but idk, idts. I had thoughts of wanting to be a girl, think I even prayed about it back then, but I saw myself and considered myself a boy until about a 1.5-2 yrs ago (so for about 29-30 yrs).

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender

I liked wrestling, sports, tv and video games. Spent most of my time during my school-age years doing those things. Not the most feminine likes or activities but whatev's. Still love em all to this day!

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could

Well, I did say I identified as a guy back then but I did wear girl things a lot (in private only)

Idk if I did it as often as I could but I did it quite a bit. I'm not sure when I started, I think it was around 2nd grade, somewhere around that age. I remember wanting to be my mom. It wasn't an attraction thing but ya, still remember wanting to be her/be like her.

I remember she used to give us days off from school once in awhile. Being that I had the house to myself then, I would sneak into my mom's room and raid her closets/drawers. Ofc nothing fit, she was bigger than I at first and then after puberty, smaller but heavier, but I still did it. Even had my own private, hidden stash of her things that I could get at pretty easily.

I started buying my a few of my own things in middle school. OMG was that awkward..and was sneaking out in the middle of the night to walk a mile+ to an all night, self checkout store to shop as well. I was also a klepto too...like if I had the opportunity to steal something feminine, I just couldn't resist..

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth

I didn't/don't hate it or dislike it but I don't like it or love it either.

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth

Apart from like my first school yard friend, almost all my friends were male (she was pretty tomboyish tho). I pretty much was surrounded by boys. I was able to somewhat fit in cuz I do have a lot of, I guess, more male-type activity, interests and likes but besides being able to talk about sports and a few other subjects, I didn't really have much else to talk about so I didn't...I didn't really fit in.

I was always pretty bad socially; really shy and quiet. Felt uncomfortable and awkward with boys and girls in a way too, I just didn't have female friends, idk why. 

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender

Ya kinda. I want to be all girl but its not possible (yet at least). VFS is tops cuz I HATE my voice and SRS is kinda a want too but idk if I'll do it any of it or not. Factoring costs, pain, complications, risk of death that comes with any surgery, i just dunno if its worth it yet or not. Being that I'm even near any position to even think about the $$ needed for anything like that and that I'm still pretty new to being a girl, I'm just not really thinking about or looking into anything like that yet.

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender

I think I was a wee bit (at least) depressed since around middle school and it went up as I grew older, I think I still have anxiety, and I had suicidal thoughts twice, 1.5 yrs ago and around a year ago actually. Idk how much of it was related to gender tho, some of it at least prolly was but there were many other factors too...

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body

I don't think I felt trapped in the wrong body. I wished when I was young that I was a girl, hated my body and my looks especially after puberty, but idt i ever thought or felt that I was trapped in the wrong body.

[michelle]

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth.   

I am a woman, period.    I wouldn't be where I am today if I had not come to the realization that I was not a male even though I had the physical body of a male.   The awareness of this and its acceptance happened over a period of 53 years.  During the past 15 years, I developed the understanding that I had been living a butch female up until then, but that I preferred to live as an effeminate lady instead.   

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender.   

Only paper dolls were available because I was the oldest and one of my sisters was 6 years younger and the other one was 18 years younger.  My toys were mostly my bicycle, my baseball glove, bat, and ball,  my electric train,  and my army men.    I also made model airplanes.     My family lived from paycheck to paycheck and had money for the basics.   My brother and I worked for our spending money which I mostly spent on comic books, candy, pop, the movies, and model airplanes.   I was too afraid and lacking of a male ego to buy anything that was too girlish.   I kept my wants and desires private and never expected too much of my parents.   

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could.

We never went into our parent's bedroom and my mother did not leave any clothing around the house.   I finally acquired some woman's clothing when I got married.   Being born in the 1940s fear and ignorance kept me bottled up most of my life.   After I got married I got more and more comfortable being in the lady's clothing sections of stores and even buying ladies hygienic items.   My mother left a used up tube of lipstick in the bathroom once and I put it on.  One time there was a dress in our long walk in closet and I tried that on and liked it.   And there may have been an old worn bra in the dresser in the bathroom that I tried on.  This was all before puberty set in when I was 13.

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth.

I wouldn't say that I was disgusted by my body parts.  I was detached from them and couldn't relate to them.   When my body became sexually active I became very self-conscious of the smell and the mess I made when I ejaculated.   I started having fantasies about magically physically become a girl.   I was totally ignorant of what it meant to have sex with any other person.   I identified with the dance hall girls in the western movies and wondered what it would be like to be in their powder room.   I had no emotional connection of what it would be like to be a male in sexual intercourse,  but I can physically and emotionally connect with  and fantasize  what it would be like to be a woman in sexual intercourse with a male.  I felt shame after masturbating as a male. 

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender

I have been very passive when it comes to seeking our a counselor that could prescribe hormones because I always put my family first and my needs last until quite recently.   I could not even imagine having the money to have surgery.   I hope that my medicare insurance will change to cover some of the physical changes.   I have looked for counselors near where I live, but I haven't found one that takes my insurance.  Specialists would cost me $35 a visit and would involve me taking the bus.   I guess I am still waiting for God to make it possible.    Perhaps I have too much of a passive feminine personal personality and I am still too much of a people pleaser and still put others first too much even though I am out full time to the world no matter what people think.

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth

I have never felt like one of the boys and have never been to a guy's night out.   I had male friends in high school, but we were the odd people out.   One was the minister's son, then there was a car mechanic's son, and I was the barber's kid.   I watched the mechanic's son work on his car like an interested teenage girl and sang in the choir and went to the church youth group with the minister's son.  None of us really fit into any social group in school.  was out for guy's sports and worked hard, but mostly stood on the sidelines and watched from the bench except for wrestling.   But I always felt out of place and lacked the male ego to succeed.   I was there, like kind of a tomboy.   I was never a bar fly and the guys rules in the bar were awkward to me  and I never felt that I had enough money to buy a round of drinks. 

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender

Depression runs in my family and I have had problems with it.    My family moved every five years or so I stress over being the new kid and figuring out the rules of a new community time and time again.   The emotions in our household were under the influence of alcohol which gave my mother a Doctor Jeckle/ Mistress Hyde personality and it created an emotional fault zone in our family.  She may have even been bi-polar.   My dad died when I was 13 and going through puberty.  Soon after my mom hooked up with my step-dad and we moved from the hills to the prairies.   We had a big forest fire in the Hills and had to flee from it the year my dad died and I went through puberty and my mother hooked up and we moved and my mother was morning my dad's death having lost her mother and father when she was younger.    Now how was I supposed to be suicidal and depressed about not having the right body?

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body      I don't feel like I am trapped in the wrong body.  I am trapped in the wrong body.   I am a woman with a flat chest and a penis.   What do you think?  I want my breasts and my female genitals.   Will it happen in this life?  Who knows?   I will do what I can when I can.

[WorkingOnThomas]

I always knew my gender was different from my sex assigned at birth
No. I don't think I thought of it that way when I was a kid. I just knew that I hated dresses and really didn't want long hair. Not because they were girl things, but because they were just cumbersome. I didn't start to think/wish I was a guy until puberty.

As a child, I preferred toys/activities of my identified gender
I had My Little Ponies. I loved them. Other than that, I had a microscope (which I also loved, complete with dissection kit), anatomical models and a lot of books. I played with my brother's legos, Gi Joes and Star Wars stuff when I could. Never did dolls. Still love my stuffed animals.

I dressed as my identified gender as often as I could
When I was a kid i wore what I was told or I'd get punished. In middle school I snuck clothes to school to stash in my locker, and I'd change into/out of them in the bathroom. I wound up wearing a lot of the same thing every day, day after day. And I stank because I couldn't wash them at home regularly. I didn't care though, the stuff my mom wanted me to wear was humiliating. Then when I got older, I'd go through period of filling my closet with men's clothing, getting rid of the girl stuff, and then deciding I was going to stop and "be normal" like everyone else, ditching the men's, buying girl's stuff and around and around I'd go. 

I was disgusted by the parts of my body specific to the sex I was assigned at birth
Sometimes. Mostly around my chest, which I hate.

I always felt very uncomfortable around members of my assigned sex at birth
Nope. When I was a kid, I had male friends and female friends, no worries. Then at about 11/12 socializing at all became so hard that I just took whatever friends I could get. Still do. 

I want/wanted surgery to bring my body in line with my identified gender
At least top surgery. I've wanted these things gone since I was twelve.

I suffered depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts because of my gender
Yes.

I feel/felt like I am/was trapped in the wrong body
Sometimes yes, sometimes I just don't feel connected to this at all. It feels weird, but not necessarily "wrong". Like, I've got no body.