Hello all, I am new to the site, and fairly new to a lot of things these days. I have done alot of reading and have found the forums here to be full of great people and helpful advice.
I have always known that I didn't fit the norm, but just didn't put it all together until later in my life. Seems that I am not the only one by reading the posts on here.
I have struggled for years to be honest with myself and my wife about my feelings, about who I really am. It has been a progression, little pieces at a time. We are still working to figure it all out, but I have been blessed with a wife who is supportive and understanding. She is my best friend.
I still don't know what term describes me, so can anyone tell me? And share some experiences?
I have been married for 20 years, have three children, live in a small community, and am in business for myself.
The road ahead seems frightening as well as exciting, full of so many possibilities and obstacles.
Here is where I am at now...
I had a bi-lateral orchiectemy 8 months ago and tried low doses of testosterone for a few months to help with the tiredness and hot flashes. I stopped the shots 8 weeks ago and am surviving without despite the side effects. I have been going to counseling and have an an appointment with an endocrinologist in two weeks to begin estrogen and possibly progesterone.
I do not have any intentions of SRS or as living as a woman full time although at times I do go out with my wife, as her girlfriend. I don't feel as if I am truly male of female, rather both. The estrogen will help me to feel and look more of how I feel. Although in the long term the physical effects will undeniable and obvious to others, I believe this is what is best.
This will be a shock to anyone who thinks they know me, I have nothing feminine about my appearance and am not passable when I dress as a woman.
My concerns:
How will my family react?
How long can I keep it hidden at work? Long enough to retire maybe?
And, as bad as it is, I am afraid of being forever unattractive when I am out as a woman.
As I mentioned I am in counseling which is tremendously helpful, but hearing from others and their personal experiences is as well and sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.
I would appreciate and input that any of you have.
Thanks!!!
