Is email appropriate to tell your parents?

[Brooke33]

I'm at the point now where my wife's side of the family knows, and is fully supportive, of my transitioning.  My parents are split on my side, and while I feel my mother would take the news well, my father is an entirely different story.  This sounds horrible, but I've always been more attached to my father than my mother though, so his opinion bears more weight than anyone with the exception of my wife.  Therein lies my problem, I have no idea how to begin to broach this subject with him.  I want to write a very long, very detailed email to try to explain, but my wife said this is something I should tell him face to face.

I don't doubt that we will sit down and talk about it eventually, but to at least get the discussion moving forward do you think an email is appropriate?  I start HRT next week, and I've made a promise to myself to tell my parents before I start hormone therapy... It's just this part is so hard.  How does one tell an old fashioned (often to the point of bigoted) man that the only son he's ever had is really going to be a daughter?

[sparrow]

I recently came out to my mom.  I started with hints, then I let her see me in increasingly feminine clothes (we live in different cities, so I able to plan outfits for intended effect) and finally, she worked up the nerve and guessed right: "You aren't going transgender on me, are you?!" in a voice dripping with scorn and dread.  That was something I was prepared for, and it didn't hurt me like it would have 6 months ago.

I'm not terribly loquacious in person, so our conversation person was rather brief.  Over the next week, I've been emailing back and forth with her.  I've written perhaps dozens of pages on the topics of my gender, my perception of it, society's perception of it, and the impact that her actions can have on my well-being.  Also, I've been filling her in on the secrets I've been keeping from her for the past year; sharing insights on my childhood and upbringing, etc.

My mom is a prodigious reader.  She's not all that talkative either.  So for us, email is better.  I wanted to do a face-to-face reveal, just 'cause.  In coming out, I've had trouble broaching the topic.  Once it's out there, I can freely talk about it.  I knew her curiosity would boil over eventually... hence the increasingly obvious hints.

[FTMax]

I was under the impression that my religious dad and stepmom would disown me if I came out. When it got to the point that I was a few weeks away from transition, I wrote them a long letter. Had a few friends read it to make sure it got the point across. Then I took it over to their house and was planning to leave it for them when I left.

I was too nervous to just leave it, and my dad could tell something was up. I started crying and ended up telling him. He told me that while he didn't understand it, he wanted me to be happy and if I felt that this is what I needed to do, he supported me. Stepmom was the same.

I think explaining things to them was a lot easier having written the letter in advance. If you have a good relationship with your dad, I do think it would mean a lot more to him if you discussed it in person. Even if you end up printing out your email message and letting him read it while you're there, I think it would be better to give him a chance to respond and ask you questions. As long as you don't think you'd physically be in danger, I think that's the better route to go down.

[LizK]

My parents are in their 70's and it wasn't an easy road to tell them their 50+ year old son was becoming their 35 year (tongue in cheek )  old Daughter. I agonised over it for weeks. I have written a number of posts about it because they live overseas it make the opportunity limited to tell them face to face. After waiting until we were halfway through our stay before I told them. In the end I told them and 15 minutes later it was all over and we never spoke again about it for 8 weeks until the elephant was the only thing in the room. Even this did not deter their silence.

Eventually I wrote them an e-mail "updating" my progress and made it very casual with the exception of a question about the wider family and how would they like to tell them. That question required an answer and they could not answer the question with out acknowledging they had read the e-mail.

So we spoke and they were both relieved although my mother still will not speak to me about it so I am left to speculate how she feels, and my father was just so relieved to be talking to me again that I couldn't shut him up for nearly an hour, I sensed he really wanted to ask me some stuff but was unsure...anyway I am due to skype him today sometime so should be an interesting chat.

Sarah T

[JoanneB]

I fully admit to being an old fashioned romantic sort of gal. In my world view "Big" news if possible should be delivered in person. Not email, not text messages. Phone is acceptable under the right geographical conditions

[sparrow]

Hmm... coming out via text?  'hi mom im trans now tell dad  kkbai ^_^'

[Brooke33]

Yea, that would definitely be awkward.  "Hi, i'm a girl now" followed by a bunch of emojis. 

[Anna33]

Yea, that would definitely be awkward.  "Hi, i'm a girl now" followed by a bunch of emojis.

Lololol


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[Anna33]

Yea, that would definitely be awkward.  "Hi, i'm a girl now" followed by a bunch of emojis.

Lololol


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