My Surreal Moment Last Night

[Jill F]

Last night I turned the TV on after my wife went to bed, grabbed a cookie and some ice cream and started flipping channels.  I was happy to find that VH1 was running a Brian Setzer Orchestra Christmas show, something that I attend almost every year.  I quickly realized that I remembered that exact performance from an exposed horn being quite flat, and that I was most definitely in the audience that night. 

And *BAM*... There I was.  On national television.  A sad fat guy with a beard.  Immortalized.  For all to see.  Forever.

For all the efforts I have made in the past 3 years to happily lose that guy I saw in the mirror, there he was again.  And again.  And again... 

I grabbed another cookie, slathered it with ice cream and poured myself a glass of milk.  And a glass of bourbon.

Then I thought about all of the other rock videos I was in pre-transition.  It seems that Greg will live forever no matter how much I distance myself from him.  It is one more thing that I will no longer waste my time worrying about.

[Tessa James]

Oh yea we can be so self triggering I wonder why anyone bothers with those "Trigger Warning" banners on their posts.

[JoanneB]

I really hate those seeing "The sad old man in the mirror" days

[CarlyMcx]

I have that to look forward to.  I am an attorney and I have enough talent to have gotten my male name on several published appellate opinions, where it is immortalized in the lawbooks forever.

So if I fully transition, every time I look up one of those cases, there that name will be.

This is a reality I am grappling with.  I can never be stealth, I can never be anonymous.  Too many people know me.  If I transition I will be like a minor league version of Caitlyn Jenner, with the shadow of an accomplished male persona always in the record books behind me.

Oh, and I am somewhere in the crowd in Devo's "Disco Dancer" video as well.   

[ChasingAlice]

Wow!  I am glad that i never became famous after reading this thread. I've always felt that i should have done more especially with my IQ. Another reason that i should count myself lucky.

Legally speaking,  after a sex change it should be possible to change your name and gender to reflect who you are.  Key word should... I do not know if it can happen.

My issue is what am i to do with an established resume with 20 years of experience when a new employer checks my work history. Instant clocking doesn't sound fun to me. Oh well... What's a girl to do?

[sophie89]

Well you know what?
I am 48 6.2,
I am a father of three, a husband of one and only, a rather successful professional in my buisness, a buisness relative of around 1100 people (that is what my adress book says)
I have dozens of friends
As a judge too i have my male name writen on hundreds of judgments.
There is no way i will ever look like grace kelly
There is no way i could possibly hide from all these people the fact that i used to look like a man.
So why do it if stealth is not an option?

Well first of all, if i do not transition i will die and verybody is going to ask why?
As my wife knows, she will ever wonder if she could have prevented it and feel guilty for this.

Second : killing myself today means that i leave no chance to others to accept me. In fact i comes to deciding that they will have such a bad behaviour to me that they woul lead me to suicide.

Third : i firmly believe we have a mission and that mine now, after all these achievements is to testify that transgender persons can achieve great things and that they should be treated as such.

Fourth : up to day i have been incredibly lucky in my life. The only huge problem i have is this TG thing. I feel ready for a little bit more of struggle for the rest of my life.

Sorry for my erratic english
Sophie 

[stephaniec]

I saw the post and thought you were going to talk about Salvador Dali. Oh well. I wish I could eat ice cream and cookies. I just had some one from my past email me, I thought I had closed all those doors when I outed myself. I'm really not that person anymore.

[Cindy]

I still have people coming to my lab to see 'him' and the subsequent shock of seeing 'her'.

One of my workers (male) said to me 'You rather enjoy shocking the crap out of visitors don't you?' I had to say, meekly, "Yes!"

[Ms Grace]

[Jill F]

The last thing in the world I expected to see on TV was the old me.  Because of things like this, "he" will never be gone and there's nothing I can ever do to change that.  I guess I just have to proudly own it.

[Cindy]

The last thing in the world I expected to see on TV was the old me.  Because of things like this, "he" will never be gone and there's nothing I can ever do to change that.  I guess I just have to proudly own it.

Sis, he has gone, and you witnessed it. You saw that sad old man, he isn't you. He is a phantom that struggled and not the woman that walks.

[Elsa Delyth]

And here I was, all depressed, thinking about how I'd never pass and be stealth and stuff, but really, I have it pretty good. I'm reclusive and standoffish, I've accomplished nothing, and no one knows me.

If I were rich and famous though, I could afford extensive cosmetic surgery, that would be nice.

[Jessie Ann]

Ahh girl "he" is gone. We may get glimpses every now and then of the old us but then we get to look into a mirror and see the beautiful new us. Hugs girl be proud of who you are now.

The last thing in the world I expected to see on TV was the old me.  Because of things like this, "he" will never be gone and there's nothing I can ever do to change that.  I guess I just have to proudly own it.

[stephaniec]

There is an alternative, you can move to the Australian Outback and become a survivalist.

[Cindy]

There is an alternative, you can move to the Australian Outback and become a survivalist.

They are called croc tucker

[Jill F]

Jill, Queen of the Desert? Nah, I'm so pale that I'd turn into a giant melanoma in no time.

[stephaniec]

They are called croc tucker

[Dee Marshall]

They are called croc tucker

What a perfect name for an inept outback resident in a book!

I know for a fact there are pictures of me in obscure places. While in college I was interviewed all over, even by a northern European magazine. The article's in Swedish or Danish, I forget which. I refuse to worry about it. That sad old caterpillar is in the chrysalis turning into a butterfly. He got me so far and no farther and I refuse to worry about it. Still, Jill, I'm sure I would react as you did if I was suddenly and unexpectedly faced with his image.

Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Tapatalk

[Gertrude]

The past is dead. Nothing can change it and it has no business in the present. If you are happy, rejoice. It's a good day.


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA