Tiny First Steps

[thorhugs]

Peep, I understand that worry completely. If I have to do anything more physically exerting than walking up stairs, doing it in a binder is awful. I was helping move a new roommate in yesterday, so I couldn't wear it and opted to wear a baggy hoodie on a really warm day instead. And then I had an awkward moment where I had to take the hoodie off because I didn't want to ruin it.

If it had just been the new roommate at the time, I would have been fine, because he's trans too. But he had a friend over. And despite wearing a teeshirt, I felt more exposed than if I'd had my shirt off entirely. It was the first I'd felt anything like that, too. It was a strange moment. But still, I suppose better than trying to wear my binder while hauling boxes around and passing out.

[Peep]

It sucks being sensible haha

[thorhugs]

It sucks being sensible haha

And then I wasn't so sensible. I decided damn it, I'm gonna wear my binder and feel awesome all day......I'm still a little bit sick. Note to self: Don't wear a binder for extended periods when your breathing is already restricted.

[captains]

Ahaha, been there, got that chest problem t-shirt. It sucks.

[Peep]

I'm starting to hate being female at the gym... the TV wasn't working so I asked staff and she went off 'to find a man to fix it'... come on lassie even if i was a cisgirl I'd be disappointed, don't drag me down with u

[thorhugs]

And then I was really dumb and decided to use the stairs instead of the elevator. While still not entirely adjusted to my binder. And with mid-grade congestion.

BUT! I forgot to share that I've had another dream! Something I need to remember next time the "why bother"s sink in and I doubt my name choice.

So, my new roommate is a transguy as well, so a part of this dream was weirdly unfounded. A few days ago, we decided to keep a calendar by the door so we can keep track of plans and stuff. In the real world, we haven't added anything to it yet. In the dream, he'd written all kinds of stuff in ballpoint pen, using my legal name to mark my stuff. I got pissed and with a big, black felt marker wrote "COLIN" in big bold letters over every instance of the name.

I'm gonna take that as clear and obvious symbolism that means I'm on the right path.

[schwarzwalderkirschtort]

Chopped my hair, and started referring to myself by a nickname which is definitely not female. I also started to completely refer to myself as male online.

aaand here i am!

[jingling_void]

I think a lot of people did some really questionable things with hair at that age XD

For me it was mid-back length dyed maroon all over. Coupled with a bright yellow, overly baggy fleece, there are some amazing photos of me from that era that need to be burned ASAP.

Sorry but this made me laugh out loud
oh god once I tried to dye my hair blonde because I thought 'they have more fun' and it turned out to be a mix of ginger blonde by the end of it

[jingling_void]

Just got an email that my binder's been shipped C: I'm going away in about a week hopefully it'll arrive before then >.>

Peep,
good luck for your binder!

[Peep]

Peep,
good luck for your binder!

I got it a few weeks ago and with some slight modding it's been good! Though I'm already planning buying my next one if i can scrape together the funds

Sorry but this made me laugh out loud
oh god once I tried to dye my hair blonde because I thought 'they have more fun' and it turned out to be a mix of ginger blonde by the end of it

that's what toner's for (if you ever get the mad idea again )

[thorhugs]

Chopped my hair, and started referring to myself by a nickname which is definitely not female. I also started to completely refer to myself as male online.

aaand here i am!

Those are very important steps! That hair chopping feels so good, doesn't it?

One of my early steps, before really even coming out to myself, was doing that. I used the excuse of an over-heated summer to go shorter than I've ever gone, I had my friend help me buzz most of it off into an under cut. And it felt amazing. It was in part due to the summer before my girlfriend at the time teasing to make my hair look like my favorite character (a rather typical masculine haircut) and I couldn't make myself tell her I actually wanted it that way.

[Peep]

I guess it's good and bad that short hair is fashionable for women - on the one hand it's not a controversial step but it also means we still get ID'd as female lol

[schwarzwalderkirschtort]

Those are very important steps! That hair chopping feels so good, doesn't it?

One of my early steps, before really even coming out to myself, was doing that. I used the excuse of an over-heated summer to go shorter than I've ever gone, I had my friend help me buzz most of it off into an under cut. And it felt amazing. It was in part due to the summer before my girlfriend at the time teasing to make my hair look like my favorite character (a rather typical masculine haircut) and I couldn't make myself tell her I actually wanted it that way.

ah, the hair chop is the best part! I remember when I was little I used to always grip my hair and pretend my fingers were scissors and "cut" it off. It's still not the way I want it to be, but i think i wouldn't pass if my hair were shorter to be honest...

[Elis]

ah, the hair chop is the best part! I remember when I was little I used to always grip my hair and pretend my fingers were scissors and "cut" it off. It's still not the way I want it to be, but i think i wouldn't pass if my hair were shorter to be honest...

I used to do the same thing . I remember I was around 10 and went to the hairdressers wanting a boy's haircut. No idea where that idea came from, I guess I thought it would make me feel more comfortable. But after looking through the WOMEN'S hairstyle book (bit confused as to why I was given that) showing women with various  short haircuts I gave up as I didn't look like the people in that book. So I got my hair cut to shoulder length again. For me it's less about passing than it used to be bcos that can be an unhealthy obsession. I enjoy having my hair short bcos it's something I can control about myself while I wait for hormones which is in other people's hands. I also got an undercut but decided to get a bit more of a fem version this time. Plus I look damn handsome with short hair

[jingling_void]

I got it a few weeks ago and with some slight modding it's been good! Though I'm already planning buying my next one if i can scrape together the funds


that's what toner's for (if you ever get the mad idea again )

that's true
Think I might stick to purple & also in the same situation need a new binder

[Peep]

I'd like one to wear while the one i've got's in the wash. :P

[jingling_void]

I'd like one to wear while the one i've got's in the wash.

^
this
I think I might have to get remeasured as not sure if the current binder I have is big enough : <

[thorhugs]

Wow, things have been crazy busy. But I was finally able to shake the last of that awful cold. Getting horribly sick when you get your first binder is not an advisable course of action. Just so you know.

But as of this week, I declare myself finally used to wearing a binder. I'm no longer constantly aware of it being there, I'm getting more and more comfortable. The other day I was hauling stuff up and down stairs while wearing it and take the stairs every morning at work without issue.

In less than two weeks I will begin the process of coming out at work. They decided to keep me on permanently, so when I go into HR to sign on the paperwork, I'm going to talk to her about it. That's scary but also exciting. It means no more living part time. Which is honestly starting to make me uncomfortable. I've almost corrected people at work for using my legal name, or calling me "she."  I've dropped a few hints but nothing obvious.

Most of what I have to do now are the big steps. Getting proper insurance, finding a therapist, getting hormones.

[schwarzwalderkirschtort]

good luck, thorhugs! i hope everything works out for you

[veniamviam]

Best of luck, Colin!