Hello, everyone! I'm a 26 year old graduate student in the US and this is my first time joining a transgender focused forum. I'm biologically female and currently identify as a lesbian, though I'm not so sure that's an accurate label. I've felt more masculine than feminine for as long as I can remember and I am often misgendered (?) as male even though I don't make any special effort to pass as such - I have short hair and wear masculine clothes, but I do not wear a binder or packer.
I don't generally mind being misgendered (or properly gendered, for that matter), but it's awkward when it happens in the company of people I know - they are clearly embarrassed for me (even though I'm not embarrassed myself) and sometimes go so far as to correct the misgenderer. It's also uncomfortable to use the public restroom. I use the ladies room, but I get weird looks and I'm always afraid someone's dad or boyfriend is going to see me coming out and start some trouble. I try to avoid using restrooms in public when I can, or at least avoid running into anyone while I'm in there.
I'm romantically involved with my roommate of two years, but we're not technically together. I like to get her off, but I don't let her touch me. Part of me thinks that this is due to gender dysphoria, but we don't exactly have a perfect relationship otherwise, so I can't really be sure if that's the absolute source.
Other than sex and using the restroom in public, I don't really think about gender all that much. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that we live in a society where most people have a very binary view of gender and if some people see me as female, fine. If some see me as male, that's fine too. I feel somewhat disinterested in trying to fit myself solely into one category or the other, which is why I think I've never really considered that I might be transgender, until quite recently.
While I certainly believe that I fit into a more masculine role, I have struggled against the idea that I need to change my body/pronouns in order to fulfill this role. Isn't that, to some degree, giving in to this binary categorization of gender that our society forces upon us?
I should mention at this point that I'm also a type 1 diabetic - I need continuous injections of insulin (a hormone) to live. There is something wrong with the inner workings of my body and I need to intervene in a medically sanctioned manner to survive. It took me a long while to put two and two together, but I finally asked - how is that any different from being transgender?
Long story short, I'm a bit confused about where I stand and how to proceed. I'm glad to join this forum and look forward to talking with others who are going through/have gone through similar situations.
