Today I had "Restroom Confusion".... what do you do?

[abd789]

So I pushed a bit further today, all girl clothes, makeup.... to me I could not see the "man" (which has been the case for the last few days... Yay! )

We went out in public for my wifes birthday, I had to make about 4 restroom breaks. I was seriously confused for the first time ever about which one to use. Luckily I did not encounter anyone, but I did use the "stalls" and a couple people came and went while I waited in the stall for them to leave. (No I did not sit on the public seat )

When I would look in the mirror, I was full on girl and it seemed very weird to be in the mens room, but Im certain that the small town mentality of women here would not appreciate me being in their room....

I did get sir'd a few times throughout the day, so Im obviously not passing enough

how did you make the transition to ladies room?

[Martine A.]

Im certain that the small town mentality of women here would not appreciate me being in their room....

I am about sure you consider it your room too, regardless of whether you feel safe in it and what others think. That is how it should be.

In my understanding, this is an ever question in the US. A trans person can be harassed no matter what bathroom they use. If it were law in the US that you must have matching gender on the ID, then it is the clear choice -- the lawful one. If it is gray area, go where you feel safer, which may vary per location. If the choice is hard, stay on the safer side. I put value on feeling safe because stress has a big long term impact on life and one doesn't feel its damage immediately. More safety should reduce stress exposure.

You may want to look for a gender neutral restroom, or to talk to the staff. Because whatever inconvenient might happen, if you have people aware of the situation, it should be in your favor. Then again, in the US you might encounter trans unfriendly staff. I am sorry for so many people probably face that.

[abd789]

There are no neutral restrooms in this part of the usa

I long for a larger metro area with trans friendly neighborhoods....

and right, Im sure I could have been harassed by men who saw me in the mens room.... which is why I hid in the stall till they left

I did have good confidence while out, and I think I did great.... but this was where I stumbled a bit as I felt strange heading for the mens room door.... seemed like I didnt belong in either one....

[Martine A.]

Hm. I would suggest if you want to try ladies restroom, do so in a place where it is low damage if things go south. Perhaps another town that you know about, and know how things go there more-less, but you don't usually go there and such. You know. Or just go to a big city to a place where you know you can do so. To break the ice and test female-to-female encounters. So good luck!

And don't have high hopes about hygiene. My first encounter with a women's restroom was rather messy. There was a crap smear over the seat! Something I actually never saw in men's restrooms.

When I encounter mess, I just think some small mind may come to accuse me of making it.

[abd789]

yes! Ive heard about more messes from my wife than I have encountered, aint that sumthin?

thanks for the replies! gotta get offline for a while

[Lyric]

I think you pretty much answered your own question. Take it from the people around you. When more people call you "ma'am" than "sir" it will probably be time to start using the ladies room.

Another option, though, is to scout out small businesses and public buildings (like gas stations and such) that have lockable restrooms for use by one person at a time. It doesn't tend to matter which one of those anyone uses.

[suzifrommd]

I was in a movie theatre with no family option. I went into the ladies' room. As time went on, I got much more comfortable with it. I still have a do-I-really-want-to-do-this moment when I go into ladies' rooms, but since I'm not a man anymore, they're really all that are left to me in most places, so I just plunge on in.

[archlord]

I cant wait to be ready to go out     

I envy you to be confident enough to go out and even try a restroom in full girl mode! I mean i cant wait for the day that i will tell high and loud everyone who i am but i guess i am not ready for that.   I have never went out yet in public in girl mode.. I am part of those  that drasticly change when wearing a wig and minor makeup but when in boy mode there is no confusion people call me Sir without hesitation (I feel like getting stabbed to the heart every time).  For the question, well i usualy can hold long enough so i dont have to go in public restroom lol ( i hate them even in boy mode).

Again congratz on your bravery . be happy girl

[stephaniec]

If I have a dress on there is no way I'm using the men's room.

[April_TO]

It takes some confidence and a sense of belongingness to make it through the women's washroom. I remember my first time using it as I was a bit nervous and anxious. However, these kind of emotions shows through and that's when people can start putting one and one together. Stay calm and tell yourself this is where you need to be.

I say if you are in girl mode (not andro) have the confidence to walk in and just go straight to the cubicle slowly without making any eye contact. I even tried a few times in the beginning to take my time in the mirror i.e. fixing myself - brushing hair etch so I can fight back my anxiety.

Stay beautiful

April

[RachelsMantra]

A girl in my support group recently related a horrible bathroom story. She went into a bathroom in a county building and there was a woman, who glanced at her as she went into the stall. When my friend came out, a cop was running down the hall, yelling at her, asking her why she is in the women's room, with his hand on his gun. She has been on hormones for over a year, has boobs, and looks pretty feminine to me in her presentation. Be careful unless you are confident in your passing.

[abd789]

A girl in my support group recently related a horrible bathroom story. She went into a bathroom in a county building and there was a woman, who glanced at her as she went into the stall. When my friend came out, a cop was running down the hall, yelling at her, asking her why she is in the women's room, with his hand on his gun. She has been on hormones for over a year, has boobs, and looks pretty feminine to me in her presentation. Be careful unless you are confident in your passing.

Thats what I could see happening here

[Mikaela]

It's been a long time since I have posted. Still get on occasionally though. 

I have had the same problem. For months restrooms have been my nemesis, to be avoided if possible. Two months ago I decided to go to the movies anyway. Spiro got the best of me and I HAD to use the bathroom. I decided to use the male one because, goofy brain logic working here, a girl in the male bathroom will cause less fuss than a boy in the girls room. It went fine, ahhhhh... sort of. One guy looked at me wierd, one looked like he was trying to climb into the urinal. When I came out of the stall, only one guy was in there and he said,"The girls bathroom is across the hall." Okay, not sure what to make of it. Dressing andro at the time, no makeup, how am I supposed to know what people see when they look at me?

Two months I stay tethered to home, boredom got the best of me so I tried it again. Used the bathroom right before I walked out of the door. I can make it! I can make it! I can make it!

Specter, 2 hours 40 minutes later, I can make it turns into, "Oh no! Oh no!"

Following my previous, if faulty, logic, I go into the mens room. A panicked usher right behind me,"Miss, this is the mens room!" He politely showed me the ladies room. So I used the ladies room.

It felt wonderful! No one even paid much attention to me in there. Still, what do I make of that? HRT for 1 year next week, I rarely wear makeup and don't dress super feminine what are people seeing when they look at me? I am used to being ma'amed on the phone. I get ma'am, her and she even in uniform. I trained a guy a couple of weeks ago that saw only a girl the whole 2 days of training, even corrected a guy who has known me for years who said to make sure he trains you right. "SHE has done a good job so far."

Occasionally I still get a sir though. Rare, and usually after seeing my name.

Is this how it works, just slowly slip into it? Still expecting the world to see a guy, when the world is only seeing a girl when it notices you at all?

Maybe I will feel more comfortable after my name change. Stupid state making me jump through hoops AND cough up over $500. Grr!

In the meantime,  I guess that I will just dread going to the bathroom while I am out.

Michelle

[April_TO]

Is there any way you can check if Gender Identity or Expression is/are part of what your state protects against discrimination? If yes, then you don't have to worry about anything. Otherwise, you may have to wait until your legal docs are changed to the correct gender marker.

It's been a long time since I have posted. Still get on occasionally though. 

I have had the same problem. For months restrooms have been my nemesis, to be avoided if possible. Two months ago I decided to go to the movies anyway. Spiro got the best of me and I HAD to use the bathroom. I decided to use the male one because, goofy brain logic working here, a girl in the male bathroom will cause less fuss than a boy in the girls room. It went fine, ahhhhh... sort of. One guy looked at me wierd, one looked like he was trying to climb into the urinal. When I came out of the stall, only one guy was in there and he said,"The girls bathroom is across the hall." Okay, not sure what to make of it. Dressing andro at the time, no makeup, how am I supposed to know what people see when they look at me?

Two months I stay tethered to home, boredom got the best of me so I tried it again. Used the bathroom right before I walked out of the door. I can make it! I can make it! I can make it!

Specter, 2 hours 40 minutes later, I can make it turns into, "Oh no! Oh no!"

Following my previous, if faulty, logic, I go into the mens room. A panicked usher right behind me,"Miss, this is the mens room!" He politely showed me the ladies room. So I used the ladies room.

It felt wonderful! No one even paid much attention to me in there. Still, what do I make of that? HRT for 1 year next week, I rarely wear makeup and don't dress super feminine what are people seeing when they look at me? I am used to being ma'amed on the phone. I get ma'am, her and she even in uniform. I trained a guy a couple of weeks ago that saw only a girl the whole 2 days of training, even corrected a guy who has known me for years who said to make sure he trains you right. "SHE has done a good job so far."

Occasionally I still get a sir though. Rare, and usually after seeing my name.

Is this how it works, just slowly slip into it? Still expecting the world to see a guy, when the world is only seeing a girl when it notices you at all?

Maybe I will feel more comfortable after my name change. Stupid state making me jump through hoops AND cough up over $500. Grr!

In the meantime,  I guess that I will just dread going to the bathroom while I am out.

Michelle

[iKate]

At work out of habit I nearly walked into the men's restroom a few times. I ran straight back out.

I would recommend getting at least your ID changed to female. This way if the law gets involved you can show your ID and have some hope of quelling the situation.

Contrary to popular belief there is really no law in most places saying men can't use the women's restroom (not even in Houston). We aren't men of course but if it comes down to that, I think they'd be on shaky ground if they arrested you.

[Mariah]

I switched completely after going full time. I didn't even think twice about it. I was starting to really push strongly to clothing that wasn't male at all the last time i used the mens restroom. I was so worried about people thinking I was in a restroom that I didn't belong (truth be told I didn't belong in there) that I looked in all directions to see if anyone was watching.  I knew then and there that I would never use the mens restroom again. Hugs
Mariah

[ToniB]

I had a funny incident using a restroom I was out with My Wife in a supermarket and at the time my wife was very funny about Me using the Ladies toilet so I used the Mens Toilet and My wife saw another Woman give Me a Lokk of Total disgust seeing Me go into the Gents and again when I left (Luckily there was nobody in their at the Time) and that made My wife Relent a bit on me using the Ladies. She still does not like going into a ladies toilet with Me but no longer objects to me using them

[abd789]

I switched completely after going full time. I didn't even think twice about it. I was starting to really push strongly to clothing that wasn't male at all the last time i used the mens restroom. I was so worried about people thinking I was in a restroom that I didn't belong (truth be told I didn't belong in there) that I looked in all directions to see if anyone was watching.  I knew then and there that I would never use the mens restroom again. Hugs
Mariah

thats how I felt, like I didnt belong in the mens looking the way I did.... and I was watching to make sure I wasnt encountering others on the way in. Though 2 men came in, like I said, I waited them out...

[RobynD]

I get ma'am about 50% of the time, 25% of the time i see people struggle and go with a neutral address or none at all, and about 25% i get a sir. Included in the sirs are the passive aggressive ones that want to use that word because they are just being jerkish.

My bathroom use varies more according to convenience at this point. I will chose a neutral or unisex one if they are available, if not i use both of the others. I have never had a very negative experience. I have got a few bad looks in both places and one time a child tried to tell her mom something but her mom shut her up.

Recently i used the men's room at a truck stop and then went into the restaurant to eat. A guy that was in their when i was in there, proceeded to come out and sit with his cohorts and loudly proclaiming that the world is going to hell because of TG folk like me....Whatever.

Another time i had a guy in the men's room say "Excuse me miss, i don't think its appropriate for you to be in here". My reply was " it is a very appropriate place to pee but thanks for your concern" and i walked out.

[TG CLare]

That used to be a problem for me but since I went full time it all seems like a dream. I don't hesitate to use the ladie's room now. I haven't had any problems unless you count the TP roll being empty but I always keep some in my purse just in case. No way I'm going to ask if the person next to me can spare a square!

I once had a very disapproving look from a woman who told me it was the women's washroom but I held up the key with the female figure on the tag and told her "my doctor thinks I'm female" and that was it. I left before she did.

There is no way I'd use the men's bathroom dressed as a female. That's just inviting trouble I think or at least attracting unwanted attention.

If possible, as others have said, try to locate unisex toilets but I think it's generally safer in the washroom you're dressed for. The one's at any establishment where there is lots of alcohol being served I think might be the most dangerous to use though if a man sees you coming out or going in.

Love,
Clare