Reasons you chose to transition?

[Shonjon15]

Welcome,
Im new too and just wanted to say.  I can relate to most of these emotions,  reasons for transitioning among other things. So ill keep it brief. To be honest I have had a lot of issues that I believe stem from being Trans. Ive been diagnosed throughout life with Aspergers, bipolar depression and anxioty, OCD and in 2014 in a car accident that left my left vocal cord paralized and my leg is now pretty much all metal rods and screws also a transman. Ovrr the years I went thru bouts of ups and downs and drug/ alcohol abuse to ease my pain. See I was living as a lesbian (deep down believed I was a man from birth) for about 15yrs until I met a women in 2012 on one of my binge drug escapades who helped me connect the dots of my past, life and to understand they all meant (a Transman) and come out to myself and my mom.  But then because of it I fell into a dark depression when my mom separated us and had me committed to another behavioral psych facility. There I discussed my recent revaluation.  This time treatment/therapy began to help because we were finally talking about the root issue not just the things that stemmed because of the issue. So I continued therapy after I was released.Then about two days b4 my accident  (lady tried to beat us thru a yellow light) I had another bad episode of depression and this time I screamed and begged any God to take me from this hell on earth. Boom 2days later, Im in a coma, almost pernouced dead at the scene. I truly believe in that accident "birth name" passed over and Shon was coming to life. See I had only been living as male for a year at that point with a small group of friends and a new wonderful gf. So during my recovery from the accident I knew what I had to do continue this life. My gf now x helped nurse me back to health and into the start of my transition. For me like most of us I couldn't imagine being happy in life because I was stuck in this body that caused society to perceive me as female/male causing even more body dysphoria. Due to my clothing and hair cut I was either one or the other depending on the situation.  So it really put stress on my moods and social life. Not to mention causing alot of anger, misplaced and not throughout my life. I was so hurtful at times I lost friends, family and would spiral out of control at times causing me to end up in jail or pysch wards.  It was so unmanageable that I was going to hurt myself or someone else. So i guess my advise is Please start with therapy like others suggested.  It's the first step to getting on the road to happiness. Im 11mo now on T plan on top and maybe bottom someday if i hit the lotto lol. If you do transition, the middle is the hardest but trust me it will be worth it in the end to hear "thank you sir" at the store! Best wishes friend.

ShonJon

[Daydreamer]

Transition was something I wanted when I heard SRS was a thing back when I was nine, but when I was sixteen transitioning became something that I absolutely had to do for my mental health and well-being.

I tried keeping myself in the closet for a long time out of fear I'd be disowned, and I got to a state where I'd go through small starvation periods where I wouldn't eat for several days to mentally gear me for the real possibility that I'd be homeless and unable to provide for myself.

Basically making the first steps to becoming me was literally do or die, and I had so many close calls that it's scary.

[Rengar]

I lived as a male on the internet since I was 11. I always thought it was just a secret life I had and it would go away eventually. But I started taking an interest in women when I was 14. I thought I was just a lesbian at the time but something about women touching MY breasts gave me the shudders. I learned about trans people when I was 15. When I was 18 I made the decision to beg my mom to see a therapist.

I knew from then on that I wasn't going to grow up into a woman and began transitioning 16 days after turning 20. I knew I wanted facial hair, a flat chest, a lower voice, and a muscular stature. I wanted to do all of the typical male things. I don't regret it and I'll never go back.

[schwarzwalderkirschtort]

cheese alert ahead

basically i reconsidered everything i'd ever done in my life due to some pretty tragic circumstances. i ended up really depressed because i realised where i was going was the wrong way and wasn't what i wanted at all, and that i'd more or less lost myself. i was aware that transgender people existed, but i never put the pieces together... then i guess it just clicked. i didn't tell a soul for three months. i came out through an email to my mom, which she wasn't very happy about. she told me i was too young and moving too fast, so i guess i've kinda stopped dreaming of all of the typical trans guy things. i'm not excited for t anymore really, and i don't come out to people until i really feel the need.

  i remember really strongly just thinking "what do i want to be in 10 years?" and i never felt like being a woman was realistic. i felt like being a lesbian or masculine while still being female didn't fit right either... i still don't feel like being 100% masculine is right for me, but i am surely not a girl and it feels wrong to be treated as such. but to be honest, knowing i'm trans was like closure to something big - it's a pretty massive part of me. i felt like some sort of weight was taken off of me, and now i sorta have a "goal" - to be the best guy i can be. so here i am... i'm tyler and trans. the closet is cosy, i think i'll stay here a little longer.

[Peep]

i remember really strongly just thinking "what do i want to be in 10 years?" and i never felt like being a woman was realistic.

Yeah, this! I had all these things I wanted like being able to live with my bf and supporting myself and things, and when i saw myself doing these things it wasn't as a girl. for some reason i thought i had to wait to have these things to transition but then i realised it would probably actually be easier to do than any of the other things i wanted! That if you don't ask you don't get and I can't sit and wait for it to happen on its own.

[Karen5519]

I just ran out of gas.  Everything that I had done or tried previously to ignore or keep this person inside of me from coming out stopped working.  How much money you make or what you do for a living does not mean anything to this person.  All it wants is the chance to live and breath and be seen by the rest of the world because this is who you are, who you were meant to be.  What really hit me and made me move forward was not wanting to die someday and no one ever knowing the real me.  I wanted to experience all of those things in life that the constant voice in the back of my mind was saying that I deserved and was wrongly denying myself.  All important things in life are not easy......and this was one of them.  So, 13 years ago I came out on the other side of all this and today I have but only one regret and that is I did not do this twenty years prior. 

[jbb-ftm]

For me, it was something I knew at a very early age, and almost started transitioning about 10 years ago, but ultimately let the hard parts (coming out to family, at work, facing discrimination) got the better of me, and I buried it all really deep. But now, it's gotten to the point where the dysphoria and hating this body the way it is are - well, as big as, at least - the fear, and doing nothing no longer seems like an option. It was getting to the point where I was constantly suicidal, and I got tired of always wanting to die.

[wolfduality]

(Disclaimer: I'm still pre-everything but now starting the process to medically transition.)

I've always thought there was something wrong but didn't really address it until about 2-3 years ago. I convinced myself I could ignore it though and could find contentment in my life as a woman. To be honest, even now, I think I could con myself into being satisfied with the status quo for a couple more years if I tried hard enough but it would be mentally exhausting. I've started having mental breakdowns more frequently which leads to triggery thoughts and me no longer being myself as I'm so highstrung/stressed that I lash out at everyone.

When I finally came to the decision that I can't live like this anymore, I found...peace. All the anger and sadness seemed to disappear and I found some kind of fire in me to make this happen. I'm still afraid and parts of me still feel sadness for some of the changes when I finally start medically transitioning but it's only replaced with knowing that for every loss is a gain in another way. I've become okay to fear the unknown and to not use it as an excuse to back out of transitioning. All the reasons I was choosing to postpone transitioning just don't seem to matter as much as I thought they did and for the stuff that does matter, it'll be addressed as it comes.