Confused, any advise helpful.

[JustFrank]

I am a 25 year old, I recently started to look for therapy after a series of anxiety attacks alongside depression.
I have known for ever that I wasn't right and have always dressed in male clothing, despite being FAAB, but have never given it much more thought than to ignore or bottle up those emotions. I have spent much of my life in denial and now I have met someone who I love, she has made me want to be a better person, to be happy and ignore the more depressing (suicidal) thoughts.

My problem now is that I realise this, to be happy, I have to look at this problem and accept it. In doing this I have recently started experiencing some severe dysphoria (which I haven't felt before) and a lack of desire for sex. Both of these are affecting our 6 month relationship, as well as affecting my fragile mental state.

I don't want to jeapordise my relationship, and I feel things will end if I try to tell her this. It's causing me to feel guilty, as a lesbian woman I don't think she would be happy to find out she is dating a Man.

I have no one to talk to about this, and I'm sorry if this made no sense. I wanted to tell someone, and having almost done so I think I know I want to entertain the idea of transitioning finally.

[WorkingOnThomas]

Hi Frank

She may not react well, but then again, she might. Or maybe you'll be able to work through it. You don't know. But keeping this kind of thing a secret from your partner never seems to end well.

Thomas

[Laura_7]

Here are some resources that could help you:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439


hugs

[Denise]

You can read accounts after accounts here of people who came out to their spouses/sig-others and most cases people felt better in the end.  Plan for the worst, hope for the best, expect the unexpected.  In my case my wife of 30+ years response was "I've known for years, why are you telling me this now?"  I wish I had told her a long time ago.  Remember you will never be as young as you are right now.

[Rachel]

I think your plan to work with a gender therapist is a great 1st step. Sorting out and sharing with a trusted therapist can help with your anxiety and depression. You can not control how your SO will react short and long term. You do deserve to be yourself and be with someone that loves you for who you are.

If you had a child that is trans would you want that child to suppress their identity? In order to love another you must first love yourself.


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[JustFrank]

Thank you all for the replies. I'm very surprised that I still want to go ahead with this.

I know my family will be supportive, as I have at one time or another told each of them. I'm going to properly tell one of my sisters soon, which might help me tell my SO in time.

Now that i've decided I almost feel a weight off of me that I didn't know was there before. I will be seeing a therapist in a week, and will request some help then.

[Peep]

Good luck with the therapist! Moving forwards always feels better...

In my case my wife of 30+ years response was "I've known for years, why are you telling me this now?"

is it just me or is that response really annoying? Like, hey Sherlock, if you knew all along, why'd you sit on it? :P

[JustFrank]

Good luck with the therapist! Moving forwards always feels better...

Thank you, i'm absolutely scared. And as I have only been on my anxiety and depression tablets for a while, i'm still not in a good place yet. Slowly but surely...

[JustFrank]

I just told my SO today, we had spent the weekend at her parents (where she lives) and celebrated her birthday / our 6 month 'anniversary'. It was a wonderful weekend and I didn't want to tell her. She knew something was wrong though, and I shamefully had write it on a piece of paper in a coffee shop. It was hard, and she needs time to process this.

The worst part was that she asked me how long I had known, which truthfully is since I was around 4/5, I answered honestly. But it is not as though I always knew, there are so many periods of my life I spent in denial and identifying as Straight, Lesbian and Bi-sexual (but i've never liked labels) and having this feeling suppressed or under control. I think she does understand this but i'm worried she and her family will hate me, she did ask why I didn't mention it before.

My next normal psychiatrist appointment is soon, i'm having a bit of a low mood issue. I want to believe everything is going to be fine. I can't.

[Laura_7]

I'd say keep to a mental picture of a good outcome.

And try to communicate, to talk with each other...

in the links above are some resources, it might possibly help better understand...


*hugs*

[Peep]

Hope for the best + take things a bit at a time... The one good thing about this being a slow process is that it gives people about us time to adjust :P

[JustFrank]

After a very bad week, with my SO breaking up with me as she felt it would be difficult for us, and then getting back together. I'm hesitant to believe she loves me as my view is loving the person not what the person is viewed as. But she is almost my everything and the reason I wanted to get 'better' in the first place.

I've been having a significant amount of anxiety attacks, with my depression at an all time low. More meds and even more meds.

I have another appointment today with the Mental Health Nurse who is organizing for me to meet with a gender psychiatrist as well as CBT or Counselling to help with my emotional problems, (the previous service which were going to deal with me can't anymore).

I'm not positive what I want out of life, let alone what I want from this decision to meet with one. Everything is feeling overwhelming and i'm trying to take it day by day.

All of your words have been helpful, and I would like to continue posting here to externalize my inner thoughts and get things off of my chest. Is this something that is allowed, I don't want to clog this Forum up when i'm having an especially bad or good day...

Peace Love And Respect,
Fark.