Were do I even begin... my therapist says to speak my mind, but my mind is so full of details, thoughts, and issues that I simply don't know were to start. I mean, how can I write an introduction about myself when I'm just starting to discover who I am. I'm scared that I'll write to much detail or that I'll discover something new about myself that I didn't mention or something in my introduction will get misinterpreted. Were do you start when your "real life" is just starting, how much do you tell when your life consist of so much... detail... that its hard, if not impossible, to write on a single entry. What do I say and how do I say it when theres just... to much to say! I will try to make this simple but be warned, simple is not in my nature. I think the best place to start is to describe who I am to the best of my knowledge and understanding.
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Hello, my...future... name is Lucy Alese Blankenship which translates to "Bringer of Light "and "Beautiful Soul". I am a transfemale... no... I am a female at the age of 22 with dirty blonde hair, dyed platinum, of shoulder length and a fair skin tone. I stand at a height of 5' 8" and weigh around 150(Usually 130lbs). I just started HRT recently so these things are changing!
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Its hard to decribe my personality to you because, to be honest, ever since I started transitioning, I've been rediscovering myself. What I can tell you is that I have a severe fear of rejection that was instilled into me by my adoptive parents at age 5 when they basically told me that my "feminine traits, personality, and interest" that I frequently expressed were not natrual for males and that I need to stop expressing them and thus myself. Along with several other unrelated issues, this has caused me to be very shy and un-expressive.
At 22(This Year), due to severe emotional fatigue from "hiding" my true self, I made an attempt on my life which luckily failed. The next day on April 22 2015, seeing that running was no longer an option, out of desperation, I did something ... unexpected. I ignored my fears and without thought or delay came out to my family and soon after, the world without second thought.
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I can't say the journey has been full of hapiness and has actually caused the full rejection of me from most of my family and severe emotional exhaustion from having to fight, ignore, and try to defeat my fear of rejection every single day of my life since I pass as female full time now. Despite all this, there is not a thing you can say are do to get me to go back to that shell of lies, inner hellfire and death I call Lucas... uhhhh... even saying the name envokes great anger, disgust, and sadness in me. I cannot and will not go back, even if someone threatens me with my own life. I know happiness is on the horizon and I WILL NOT STOP PERSUING IT!
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Under all that shyness and fear of rejection, you'll find me! Me is full of personality; she is outgoing, artistic, expressive, detail oriented, elegant, open minded, smart, curious, observant, methodical, organized, wise, friendly, playful, loving, helpful, outgoing, eccentric, sensitive, adaptable, self-reliant, and spontaneous(Yes, this is all written down elsewhere, like I said, I'm trying to rediscover myself
)! I particularly love hugs and tickle fights
! So you better prepare your butts
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As of now, I'm working with a plethora of mental and physical health institutes to aid and guide my transition into a female. I am also a journalist who writes about her daily life as it relates to my transition, I am also a self-proclaimed LGBT(Rainbow) Activist.
Out of request from the director of LGBT HealthLink and a Gay Fiction Writer, I am in the process of writing a book that is about my life and the thought process, feelings, emotions, and basically what goes through the head of a transgender person(Or atleast mine since its different for everyone) in attempt to give people a better understanding of us.
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I really hope my introduction is sufficient, but there is so much more to my story that I fear writing it all would make this a thousand pages to long. I hope to enjoy many great times with people who understand and accept
-Love Lucy
