Depression is kicking more and more

[Michelle3]

So hello,

After some time, I am writing sadly in this topic. But I am just getting more and more depressed. I accepted myself in January 2015. Told my friends and family members within next 2 months and was able to get 1st appointment (gender therapist) on 10th June 2015. Everything was going pretty fast from the start, even when I was forced for RLE. Was able to get endo appointment in September. And was thinking that from this point it would go to the hormones etc. but no . In my country that I live is actually 1 year RLE at least, from the stories I am finding is usually from 2 - 3 years. Endo appointment was done to check my hormones and to be sure that I will not self medicate for random blood checks during year or years of RLE, if there would be evidence, i cannot legally transition. My next appointment will be in 9th december and will be attached to falo plethysmography, I hate my pe**s and this 90 minutes test will be awful. Why is this test important? In our country is not allowed to transition if you have sexual preference for women ( MTF cannot have sexual attraction to females and vice versa). And I am afraid because, I know that I am attracted to males, but I am jealous for women, that they have bodies I do not have . This is one thing, and would need to wait at least another 1/2 year to get things moving if I pass this stupid test.

And depression is coming because of my age and genetics, in the last half year I am looking worse, was taking photos and I can see that masculine features are kicking in. My eyebrows are getting more towards to be more seen. Broader shoulders etc. Since I present myself as true me, I got much more depressed of my masculine features and even more that things are getting worse now. I just cannot wait anymore to get things moving. I cannot concentrate on university, was one of the best students, now I hardly pass. If I would not finish I wont have any education. It is the law here ( actually is not - If you change gender, you cannot get your diplomas etc. on new ID.)

So I am thinking that I will loose my reached education. Will look terrible after will be able to get on hormones and only FFS would save me. I hate my country and rules which are there .... Transexualism here is treated like mental disorder and everybody is approaching to you like that.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Michelle,

Not knowing what specific country you are from, I'd be checking your health authorities to ensure they are complying with the proper WPATH specification. That test you mentioned or the  mandatory RLE prior to HT is absolutely wrong.

I would be inclined to refuse the test based on medical grounds. It has absolutely nothing to do with your condition. Any results derived from such testing are behavioural, not genetic. Your condition is genetic based, not behavioural.

You need someone to straighten this out for you. None f it complies with the worldwide WPATH guidelines.

Speak to you as soon as I put kids in the bath.

Huggs
Catherine

[Michelle3]

My country is Slovakia.

Nobody is following WPATH here, in whole country, there are only 3 gender therapists, who specializes in transsexualism. The method here did not change since 1981 which is 35 years old method. And the whole transition depends only on your therapist, endo cannot prescribe to you hormones. He need to send letter to Gender therapists that he can prescribe, so everything here is even more slowed down because of exchanging information between specialists.

There is not whole process how to approach to Transgender people, every gender therapists make his own rules and these rules are really cruel sometimes, at least I have considered the most gentle one.

And from the law you cannot make transition if you are attracted to the same sex. You cannot change gender marker or name until you do GCS, is also written by law of our country. There were several tries to change that but people are so conservative and against LGBT that it did not went through :/ .

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Michelle,

This is a difficult one. If everyone is making up his own rules, then I guess there may be room for you to negotiate. Give your guy a copy of the WPATH guidelines with the appropriate sections highlighted.

Depending on how strong you feel about it, you may consider making it a human rights issue. Contact the human rights international organisation with your case, if they find your practitioners in default of international regulations they can take this matter up at a Government level.

Your laws sound as though they are discriminatory which may give you a leg up with the human rights commission.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're coping.

Speak to you as soon as I get the kids out of the bath.

Huggs
Catherine