How did you approach your doctors?

[teamsaxon]

Basically what the thread title says.
I want to get top surgery, it's the big end goal to going through this major anxiety trigger.
Unfortunately because bringing it up makes me so anxious I have avoided it for years.
All the doctors at my gp know me and I am so uncomfortable with the thought of telling them.
It all feels too scary to be doing, anxiety is making me fearful of their reactions.
But I want to do this. I want to be on a path of actually making me comfortable with my body. I just recently got a job, and have put everything off while I was looking which took a couple of years for me to obtain.
Now I just want to get on with my life and talking to a doctor seems to be the next step.
*Oh and I am seeing a psychologist but not sure he is aware of gender issues etc.

How did you tell/bring up gender issues/identity with your doctor? Did you go to a trans friendly doctor? (There are some in my city but it's a bit of a trip to go there) or did you go to your normal doctor?

[AnonyMs]

I'm not sure this is going to help as my issue is not anxiety. I don't want to get outed and don't trust doctors (or anyone else).

The first year I saw a therapist I didn't give my real name, and that helped me a lot. They didn't need it back then, but unfortunately they have changed their policy. The first thing I said after I sat down was that I was there for trans issues. I'd been a bit worried that if I couldn't start I'd never manage to say anything.

If your psych doesn't have gender experience you may need to find someone else. I think its really important to ask other trans people if they can recommend someone in your area. If they give you a hard time then there's something wrong with them, not you. Its their job to make you at ease and it they can't do that then find another one who's competent. There's definitely incompetent doctors out there so try not to take it to heart if you run into a bad one.

The only time I've had any problem with doctors was with a surgeon to whom I'd disclosed I was on estrogen. When when he started questioning me I basically told him to piss off and stick to his own specialty. That was the last I heard from him.

I've not told my GP, but I have found other doctors I go to for trans stuff. As far as I'm concerned the first GP has no need to know, which is verging on the paranoid, but whatever. The others are a bit further away so I've ended up with multiple doctors. I don't recommend doing this.

I think at the end of the day you have to force yourself to talk, otherwise you'll never get anywhere. It was desperation that got me talking.

[FTMax]

By the time I was ready to transition, I hadn't had a doctor for about 5 years. I researched local LGBTQ clinics and resources and found two in the area that specifically listed transgender HRT services on their websites. I called the closest one and made an appointment. The doctor they assigned me there handles both my HRT and my general healthcare stuff. Based on what I hear on here, most people seem to have a better time if they go to a trans friendly doctor. But that doesn't mean you'd have a bad time if you brought it up to your doctor. They just might not have as much experience.

I'd start by bringing it up to your psychologist. The majority of doctors will want a referral letter from a mental health professional before they'll provide you with any kind of medical transition service. Top surgery for the most part requires a mental health referral.

[Sophieraven]

After worrying about it for months, I eventually just came right out with it on one of my regular Diabetic appointment when he asked how I was feeling, I just told why i was feeling so good about my self. I think he took it quite well.
Sophie

[Tristyn]

Well, you definitely came to the right place for suggestions!^^ I can honestly say that just from the short time from being a member here, I have felt support that I never felt even from my family, sadly.

Anyway, I think you are on the right track in that you are considering speaking to a professional about this. I think though, that keeping your name confidential from them would be kinda impossible, right? I can't think of any health practitioner who would not ask that you provide whatever name you currently are registered under for identification purposes. So that surely is inevitable. If it helps any, I have come out as trans to most, if not, all of my health providers and they have all been very well-receiving of this. I'm not saying my experiences will be the same as yours or someone else's, cause truth be told...they ain't cause we all different, ya know?

I agree with the replies here that it would be wise to seek out a health professional who does specialize in this area of interest, which in this case would be things like Gender Identity Disorder, Gender Dysphoria, struggling with gender identity, e.t.c. This is very important because there are crooked ass therapists or psychiatrists or whatever that'll use they PHD-ish status to take advantage of naive clients like they've done time and time again to me, and give you the runaround like a big ol' circus! >.<

So take great care when looking for and choosing a gender therapist. This, to me, would be one of the top steps in transitioning. But because everybody's experiences and situations are unique, there is no standard chronology of steps.

Good luck in finding a therapist and coming out! =)

~Nixy~

P.S. I have youtube and my social worker to thank, personally, for helping me find my current therapist from this site: https://www.psychologytoday.com/

[Qrachel]

Hi -

Receiving good, holistic medical care is based on a trusting and professional relationship between the patient and the professional.

Your anxiety is understandable, but you seem to be at the stage where to move forward you need to deal with some medical issues (and quite possibly some attendant psychological concerns as well).  It falls to you to be sure the professionals are fully informed as to the medical/mental state you bring into their continuum of care, or you can't expect them to deal with your situation competently.

I'd suggest you schedule an appointment or use one already scheduled and explain your situation.  Regardless of how s/he responds you need to know as well.  You don't want to go forward with your doctors knowledge or willingness to treat you respectfully and competently compromised.

I think all trans-people face the "how do I tell my doctor" conversation.  I've told so many medical folks over the years about my condition that I just feel it's part of the medical work-up and no big deal.

Good luck and stay in touch,

Rachel

[Valwen]

I was without a doctor for more than a decade and so when I went looking for a doctor I looked for one that was in the known, I was very upfront, the first session we talked about hormones, and so aside from a bit of new people nervousness there was never any difficulty talking about anything. I will also say that the Fenway Health center in Boston is just simply amazing, even from the first visit before I had ever presented as myself I was addressed only as serena, she, her and miss. It did a lot to comfort my fears of doctors. Dentists still scare me though :-P (stupid tooth going to see one in 12ish hours)

Serena

[Mariah]

I was a nervous wreck coming into telling mine. I knew that others had told doctors in the office, but had no way of knowing if he was one who had handled it before. My pressure showed how anxious I was that day yet I told him point blank that I was transgender and wanted to move forward with the steps to transition and knowing my insurance wanted to make sure I had the referral to see a therapist. End result was he ordered the hormone and other necessary tests and then for his own reasons handed me to a doctor in the clinic who was willing to handle transgender patients. Telling my doctor at the time was one of the best choices I ever made, but wasn't easy. I wish you the best of luck telling your doctor. One of the other doctors I see i told via letter due to other issues in the past, but everyone handled it fine in the end. Choose your own path in regards to how and when you do it. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[katrinaw]

When I went to see the Dr to get onto HRT, I went in walked out many times, even planning exactly what to say etc...

after months, I finally just sat there waiting, got called in (I think I died a dozen times in those few moments), then just blurted it all out in a flood of tears....

That was my first coming out!

Its tough because people can be so judgemental, but being Dr's they certainly honor the Hippocratic oath! But they can be totally trusted!

Katy xxx

[warmbody28]

for me i went to 4 different doctors and they all told me it was not a condition they were comfortable treating. so my lst ditch effort was my former pediatrician on base. He was more than happy to treat me as he knew me and said ," you always seemed so unhappy, i help you,"  he asked any and everything as it was his culture but provided great care.

[Swayallday]

Hi, i'm trans, can I has mones now ~jokingly
-GP smiles(gender.psych)

yada yada, whole history that doesn't really prove anything
more cognitive dissonance
denial
panic attack
sessions over

is not easy 

@Katy, oh right how could I forget: I only passed the section of hospital about 16 times before entering.

[katrinaw]

 

xx

[TG CLare]

When I had my assessment for BA, I went to the plastic surgeon dressed as myself. There was no problem as he does TG surgery as well as for cis men and women but not gender corrective surgery. So, no problem there. I also had the required letters from my therapist and health care provider.

As for my primary health care provider, it was different. I had always attended to her office dressed as a man because my original doctor had passed away and even he didn't know!. I finally got to the point where I couldn't do that any more and when I made an appointment, I advised her receptionist by telephone that I would be presenting as female and to please give Dr. XXXX a "heads up". Well, that didn't quite work out that way. Somehow the receptionist didn't tell my doctor and the receptionist had me wait in an exam room. In walks my doctor and her eyes opened wide and she just said, "Wow! This is a new look for you!" I explained I was trans and this is how I felt and did tell her I had advised I'd be presenting as female. She didn't receive the message of course.

She asked me why I had never mentioned it before and I told her it was my darkest secret I had tried to keep to myself but was no longer able to.

She is alright with me being trans, has had some medical education about the subject but is uneasy about prescribing hormones etc as she has no experience with it. She did eventually write me some letters that allowed me to change as much as possible on my identity documents which really helped.

Funny how one can achieve a medical doctor's degree but have virtually no experience with transgender individuals or our health care needs.

Love,
Clare

[teamsaxon]

Thanks everyone for the stories. It helps a lot.
I'm still procrastinating about doing it (as I do with anything that triggers my anxiety)
.. and haven't made an appointment with my psych so I think that will be the next thing.
Doesn't help feeling like I'm busy all the time! (Running back and forth from my Job Service Provider three times a week plus I now have shifts at my new job)

I really appreciate all the comments as it makes me feel less alone about it. I think the affirmation helps. I know there are so many others who have/are going through this but to read experiences sort of solidifies the fact that we all have to go through it. It sucks, it is scary, and I'm sure I will do it. Just need to stop procrastinating!
I'm pretty sure from what I've researched that South Australia only has one gender clinic and two gender specialists.
One of them is standoffish and I HATE people like that they make me so nervous! So hopefully there are really the two, not just the one.

[Kylo]

My regular doctor was an older male, and from previous appointments for other things with him I wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea of asking him for a referral (although he might have been ok and straightforward with it, who knows). I knew there was a part time female doctor at the same surgery, so I decided to try her when it came to discussing a referral to a GIC. I had a hunch she wouldn't be judgmental and I guess I was lucky as she wasn't at all. I can't say it was because I thought a female would be more sympathetic - 'cause some female doctors really aren't - but it was just a feeling I got after seeing her once before by her mannerisms and her way of dealing. She tended to listen rather than dismiss me, unlike the other one, and gave fairly good advice so I chose her.

I've heard some of the horror stories about awful doctors when patients ask for advice or referrals and I'm super grateful I didn't get that kind of treatment. I feel like I should see her from now on since she knows what's going on with me, and will probably be my port of call for hormones next. I asked her if she'd ever had a trans patient in this area before (this is a small surgery out in the sticks) and she said yes, one other. So she'd had some experience with the process and with trans people already and was very sympathetic, I guess.

As for how I did it, I just walked in and said, "I got kind of an unusual problem here" and asked if she could refer me for further treatment for trans issues. She asked me a couple of basic questions - was I sure my problem was that I wished to be male and transition? Did I definitely suffer GD, and how long had I felt this way? Which I was happy to answer. She didn't probe about sexuality or anything unrelated or inappropriate. I was out of there in five minutes with an appointment at the nearest GIC. (I did have to wait 10 months though, due to their waiting list).

[RobynD]

I've always chosen GPs that are women doctors and have been fortunate to be able to choose, because they make me feel more at ease. In my normal yearly physical i told her about my counseling/therapy and that i had GD. I then indicated i'd like to get HRT and she and i scheduled a follow on appointment for that.

On the next appointment, we discussed it in detail, and she basically had my informed consent. She then prescribed T-blockers and said lets follow up in a few months after a blood test and we'll start the estrogen. We did that on the next appointment. Her manner is awesome and she is supportive, i am only like her 3rd TG patient but she studied up between appointments.

Have been really happy.