Running in circles.

[Velocity]

Im not sure what im doing. I had my first meeting with a therapist that I've impatiently found. I am so sure  i want to transition and im so happy being who i am at the moment and then the next i would be complete opposite and im scared sad unsure  of  passing and being able to pull through with it. Im really bothered by this im loosing sleep and having weird thoughts questioning life.
Its messed up i beleive in myselft that i can do this and am so sure of who i am, then why do i ask myself what about regrets.
No matter wich way there could be regrets.
I dont want to regret transitioning nor would i like to Regret not transitioning and living the rest of my life unhappy.
Im so confused.

[Dena]

I consider the safest way to transition is to avoid the irreversible treatment as long as possible. In my case, I ask that my nose surgery result in a nose that would work on either gender. You might delay switching paper work and avoid surgeries like FFS and VFS until you have had enough time in the new role to become more sure of your decision. Should you then decide the transition isn't right for you, it will be possible for you to back out. I know I wouldn't regret losing my beard (what little there was of it) so I started that early. At the time of surgery my breast size was AA so it could have been hidden and with a haircut, I could have returned to the male role without much visible to anybody else.

If you haven't already seen it, go to youtube and view "the transition channel". It will help you explore your feelings and possibly you will understand yourself better.

[Qrachel]

Dear Velocity:

Your feelings and emotions zig-zagging all over the place is par for the course and it'll ebb and flow if you follow a typical trajectory through transitioning - not that there's necessarily anything typical at the personal level because it's all new to you.

What seems to help is to keep things in conversation with your treatment team, here and with those to whom you turn for personal support.  Also, support groups are a great place to be with like minded/impacted people.

In time (± 12-18 mos) the the topsy-turby nature of transitioning will settle into a more routine like experience, again I'm not suggesting that you and your life are routine - it is very unique to you and what you are experiencing is very important and impactful.  However, part of the magic of transitioning is your ability to take on life in a fuller and deeper experience; it's in part how you grow into the real you and the public persona that results.

Please stay in touch and share - we/I love to hear how everyone is doing,

Rachel

[genevie]

I keep reading Rachel's post and find comfort in it. Over eight months I went from the I'm not sure stage to the sure stage that I am transgender. Then the topsy turvy stuff of do I or don't I move forward with transition. Of course then the conflicts with my wife reared their ugly head and the daily struggle with that was quite a burden, and still is. Yesterday I got the look and she said my hair was too much. I keep pushing boundaries. The longer my hair gets the more I feel at home. If my nails are longer, if my hair is longer, if my clothes start to change a bit, each step brings things closer. Talking with my therapist is also up and down with each session as I'm up and down. The thing that makes me panicky a bit is age. I'm 60 and so afraid of time slipping by. But talking to girls here who are that age or older gives me hope. Thanks again to all who contribute to our muddled lives.

[suzifrommd]

It helped me to go out as a female into social situations and see how it felt. I wasn't risking anything. If it was not for me I could stop and forget the whole thing.