guilt...

[jerigurl]

don't know if this is the place to talk about this but i feel guilty about wanting to be a female.  i know deep inside that that is what i am, however, i have been married for 25 years and i feel i am cheating my spouse out of our plans we made long ago.  i want to be able to transform, but i need to do it privately... as she will not understand nor agree with it.  any suggestions??  does anyone else have these issues?

[NickSister]

I understand, though I don't feel guilty as such. I do feel bad that my wife was not aware of or understand the depth of my feelings but then neither did I when we first started going out.

Are you sure she won't agree or understand? She might surprise you. Either way the reality is this will impact on your relationship. You won't be able to transform without her knowing and still be with her. If you want it to work then you need to give her the opportunity to confront this issue. Your going to have to talk to her. I think communication is the key. It might be she does not want to be with the women you are and that will be her choice, or it might be she is willing to make it work. You won't know untill you are honest with her. It is not fair but it is also not your fault either.

[jerigurl]

last year i tried to communicate with her... she knew i had female undergarments, panties, sport bras, leotards, nylons,etc... well it came to a head one night and she accused me of being gay... she gave me the ultimatum of get rid of the "stuff" or go... (backstory... her twin sister is TG and just came out this year)... so, without being able to explain myself, i got rid of almost everything... ( i am more comfortable in women's attire i always wore it underneath my street clothing, and i wish i could have progressed to womens pants and other clothes) i want to open up to her, however, i do not think it would be a positive outcome for anyone involved.   

[NickSister]

Unfortunately sometimes there are no good solutions, just better solutions.

My suggestion is to examine all your options and take stock of the situation. What do you want to happen? What would be ideal? What is the worst case scenario? What compromise can you make? Are you happy now? Are you still able to be a good partner even though you are dealing with being TG and having to repress your feminine self? How has she handled her sister being TG? I think it would be good to talk to a gender therapist about your issues.

Now I guess I am in a similar boat. My wife knows I am transgendered but she does not want to see it (though slowly breaking down these boundaries here). She said she will leave me if I live as a woman. Not that I would, being androgyne, but then with my prefered presentation I would stick out like dogs balls, plus I would also like to take hormones. We have a 9month old daughter. What can you do? I don't know... I want to keep tha family together for my daughters sake. Plus I love my wife.Currently I can cross-live enough to live a somewhat crippled existence. I'm not totally stifled but not free either. It sucks arse to put it gently.

I wish you all the best Jerigurl, I hope things work out for you.