Thought I'd be shot if I posted on the original thread (started in 2010!), so here's the background:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,87823.msg1610180.html#msg1610180So the kid and I eventually DID get to start hanging out, and she seemed to intrinsically trust me from the start. Mom is grateful for my involvement & grew to trust that it's not burdensome to me. Kid & I also connected on FB (after getting Mom's OK). Kid started this school year wearing clothes of her choice! Mom acknowledges her struggles with things (not just the gender-identity, but other behavioural issues as well), but makes little progresses at her own pace.
Friday after talking with the kid, I asked Mom's permission to take her to the TDoR service that night...and she agreed, no questions asked!
On the way to the service, as I described what she might expect there, after I mentioned the reading of the names, she asked why they were killed. "Because they were trans*, honey." Her expression broke my heart...and I told her she doesn't have to go if she changes her mind. But she wanted to go, said she needs to educate herself. She said Caitlyn Jenner is her only example & she loves Cait's show, but that she only deals with the issues that affect her directly. Hearing that just made me so proud of "my kid."
It's the first time I heard her speak about being transgender--not in a confessional way, but very matter of fact. I used this to ask if she's chosen pronouns yet (a few months ago she hadn't). She said it doesn't matter--she, he, they...she said when people get upset at her for not choosing pronouns she tells them they can use "they." I asked if it's ok to use "she" based on her presentation & she's cool with that (oh yeah! Her mom has been doing that for a few months now, too--I am proud of her, too.).
I'd also given a ride to another woman so at the service I sat between the oldest and the youngest trans* people present. My kid chose seats for us up front, and was riveted throughout the service. During the reading of the Names the minister sounded a gong after every 10 names...I didn't realize my kid was counting until she turned & whispered to me, "that was 80." Sometimes she just leaned her head on my shoulder--it was so hard for her & I kept checking in with her to see if she needed to leave or whatever but she wanted to stay. SHE ended up comforting ME when I lost it after the 16-year-old was read....my kid didn't realize that I was crying just as much for her.
Not only was it her first TDoR, but her first time knowingly meeting other transgender people. We stayed for refreshments afterwards, and met a couple people. I thanked one of the speakers, telling her briefly about my kid (after getting my kid's permission) & how meaningful it was that she got to hear her story. Then she & my kid chatted it up while I met & spoke with another woman (who's also on the path to becoming a friend--nice chat over coffee and dinner tonight).
Sweet, bright, beautiful kid....I'm so proud of her for coming out to TDoR despite her horror at the deaths. I told her so; that and how glad I am that I get to be part of her "village."
Oy, I rambled...but geez, when she was 7 I never would've imagined that I'd be able to help her.
