Summon the Demons of Hell

[Wild Flower]

This is not my worst weekend but nor is it a good weekend. I binge at two Thanksgiving parties, and been eating nonstop, I lost my will to fight... Just want to crash and die. Im not that depress, but I see transistioning as futile. I obsess about men but men just want sex, none of the guys I been with this week had made further contact after the deed is done. Im immune to good looking guys... Just want a relationship. 

I went to a coworker party and the two wives had the lives I dream about. Childraising, cooking, feminine housewife preoccupation and even still I felt more feminine than they were... In fact felt like Marilyn Monroe when the old man eyes lit up when I said goodbye... But there is no reason to lit up for me... Because I look like a dude.

I contact the spirit world but it didnt respond... Another nail to my belief of god or afterlife. ouija board doesnt work..... But i did have night terror afterwards.. Unrelated or not. I wouldnt mind a spirit boyfriend from the great beyond... But no.

I want to be motivated again but feel like crap.

[stephaniec]

never give up the odds are in your favor given the size of the planet and the abundant people supply.. I always feel like giving up, but I tend to refuse to let my opponents win the last round.

[Debra]

I contact the spirit world but it didnt respond... Another nail to my belief of god or afterlife. ouija board doesnt work..... But i did have night terror afterwards.. Unrelated or not. I wouldnt mind a spirit boyfriend from the great beyond... But no.

I want to be motivated again but feel like crap.

I don't know your story but I can relate to this. It took me months to finally come to realize that God wasn't going to magically make me a woman. I was going to have to make the decision and take responsibility and say "YES I NEED TO DO THIS" and ride off into the sunset, leaving those unsupportive behind. And I did.

Best of luck and hope you can figure out what you need for yourself and go get it. We only have one life! =)

[Ⓥ]

Summon the Demons of Hell isn't a thread I was expecting to see on a TG message board, I'm not going to lie.  I'm glad it's here though;  You never really know when Asmodeus, Vassago, Baphomet or Samael can help you decide on purchasing that little blue dress or the strapless purple dress.

[FluffyPunk]

Hey Wild Flower, I totally understand. I have been used an abused bi mani myself.I basically resigned myself to being a disposable toy to them an I lived somewhat robotically in that way. Then one dae I realized I was madly in love with a Transman I met online a became friends with. Then I found he was in love with mi too. We now live togeather an ar building a farm an a life togeather. Now M not promoting everyone find themselves a transman as now were playing dueling dysphoria but I did find mi love. I do seriously miss a cis mans real life fleash, but on na other side of that, sexually speaking we have a lot of advantages. Transmen don't umm.. early an fall asleep rite after, an mi favourite, INTERCHANGEABLE BITS!!! Aniwae, love is always around na corner but only seems to show up proper when yer not looking.
Now then love, as far as yer comment of looking like a dude, ya I get that feeling too. When others look at mi they say I look beautiful, I don't see that. They can show mi pix from bifor hrt till now, Mi mind remembers what I did look like an is seeking that ugliness, others see mi fer what M bicomming.
Mi mind can an does work against mi in mani waes, so I do mi best to listen to others. An I do mi best to re enforce na good things people say. Having a boyfriend doesn't make mi feel beautiful always, But I tell myself this...
" Iffin mi mano tells mi m beautiful whom am I to argue"

[Harley Quinn]

Im not that depress, but I see transistioning as futile..

First off, nothing is "Futile" until you decide it is. If it's something that you want and work for, it'll happen. Even though sometimes it feels like we are stalled in transition, we are still moving forward. I keep pictures and a journal to look back on when I feel that I have hit a wall. It helps me to look back and see just how far I've come. The things that are going on track will keep me motivated. The things that have gone off track, I look for ways to steer them back onto my course. Keep faith and know that if you address the issues as they arise you'll get there!

I obsess about men but men just want sex, none of the guys I been with this week had made further contact after the deed is done. Im immune to good looking guys... Just want a relationship.

This one I know a lot about! I was raised by the best Man there was! My dad was a Man and taught me a few things. Those weren't "Men". Those are boys and dogs... They look like men and in the beginning they act like men, but they are hollow. They lack the will and strength of character that defines a man. A Man will want nothing more than to put you first and foremost in their thoughts and with their actions. Boys and Dogs will act like a Man, but lack the staying power to keep the act up for more than a few weeks. After that they'll begin to show their true colors. The trick is not to tie yourself down with them, making yourself unavailable for a real Man when they come around. Real men aren't quite as bold as the dogs, because they're looking for exactly what you want. They're just as scared of being used and hurt as you. By chance or design, you'll find one that treats you the way you should and allow you to recipricate his genuine affection for the true you.

Don't lose hope. Everything will come around in time. Just be ready for it when it does! I know you'll do fine!

XXXXX Hugs!