hi im hestia

[hestia]

hello there im a bit nervous about posting on this forum as this is my first time really admitting this... but im sam.. or hestia as i would rather be known now. I always identified with girls at a young age i guess, mostly because i was different to the boys but i never truly felt like i was in the wrong body.. my past is a gored up mess.. as i was a cancer survivor at the age of 3 and then was abused by my father... im a male at the moment.. i never really thought about the identifying with girls thing until i was around 10 , where i developed i guess it is called a foot fetish. which at the time was totally abnormal (im now 17 nearly 18) and i loved specifically *gulp* womans high heeled shoes.. this is really hard for me to talk about. but it then extended to some clothes.. my mum did not really understand this but she supported me as best as she could. i could tell she was uncomfortable about it and i grew out of it within 2 years . until later at 16 recently .. i guess i just feel like im not in the right body.. i dont hate myself, but i know i am not happy either, i have asked myself recently 'if i was to be able to become a girl .. with no side affects and it was flawless would i do it? and i could only answer yes' so this is where i am at now. i appreciate this is long im really sorry haha . im not gay either.. i am very attracted to women.. uh s**ually and like more so than most other boys. but i am just not quite happy (i look at girls clothes and thing wow but have no enthusiasm or preferences with boys) and i just wish i could have been born a girl. i currently do not know what i want to do because i want to be a girl... but my father (unfortuantly for me) gave me his 'very masculin' genes which have made me into a very muscular masculin jawlined man.. and i dont know (now that i have gone through puberty) if i can ever be the girl i want to be without extensive plastic surgery and the like. and this depresses me.  i dont hate my body i am just not happy with it and i know that changing gender (what i would do if it was like flawless) takes many years and im worried if i dont start soon it will be very difficult for me. so here i am nice to meet you guys
i guess we all have similar stories

thanks for reading
-hestia

[TG CLare]

Dear Hestia;

Welcome to Susan's Place!

Well, you have come to the right place because I can identify with a number of things you have written in your introduction so you are definitely not alone nor the only person to feel this way about yourself!

I too liked playing with the girls more than boys as a youngster but couldn't figure out why I felt different inside or why I like looking at the women's clothes in the fashion magazines. Took me ages, no years, to learn who I was inside!

When I was out with some male friends, they all said how they'd like to get that woman or this woman into bed or the like and I'd be thinking all the time how I'd love to look like her.

Now I won't ever look like the woman of my dreams but then we all can't be ravishing beauties can we but it doesn't stop me from feeling who I am and I probably think I look better than I actually do. (lol)

Don't feel that you have to be afraid to ask questions. The only foolish question is the one never asked.

You are among friends here and there's a lot of information on here that will help you. As to how far and how fast you wish to go is up to you.

Love,
Clare

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Yes it is possible for you to become a woman and you may be surprised what hair and makeup can do. My second therapist called my to masculine to be a woman but the only thing changed on that face was a nose job. It is also acceptable to be sexually attracted to girls after surgery because gender identity and sexual preferences are independent of each other. Yes our stories are pretty much alike and we are here to help make your dream come through. Just start asking questions and we will do our best to help you.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[hestia]

hey guys thank you for replying to me .. it means a lot i want to go ahead and maybe go to my doctor as where i live hrt and possibly a sex change can be done for free if it is deamed you need it.. maybe.. i should inquire i dont know i need some confidence haha and you guys are helping me with that. thank you i cant tell you how much it means to me.
thank you for making my life better !
has anyone ever had hrt or a full change? im sorry if it is too personal but... i have a lot of questions and i dont think i can discuss them with many im a bit too timid for that

thanks again
- love hestia

[Dena]

I underwent reassignment 33 years go and have been living as a woman all these years. The first step is to get in contact with a Gender Therapist who is knowledgeable and can diagnose you. After that HRT, Real life and then the surgery if you decide you still want it. While I know your IP address, I am forbidden to use it to determine the country you live in so I don't have a clue how medicine is handled in your country but some countries this type of care is handled by the nation wide medical system. I am in the United States and it is taken care of out of pocket or with insurance. This type of care is very costly often amounting to the earning a person would earn over a year or two but as I said, sometimes national medical care will cover it.

Feel free to ask me any questions you might have because in order to help others on this site, I am pretty open about my past.

[saraht123]

Hi Hestia and welcome to Susan's.

Like both you and the others said, I think you'll find a lot in common with people here and I'm certain many will have had experiences similar to your own.

I definitely find male clothes a bit boring and I'm much more inspired by women's fashions, although much of the time I'm pretty useless at picking outfits that actually work....

I know you said you feel you need to start soon with transitioning or it might be difficult. I sometimes feel like the clock is ticking and get a bit stressy, but I'm quite a bit older. Don't worry too much because I think you have time on your side still to weigh things up and choose what you want to do and how you want to go about things.

Anyway, have fun, take care and ask lots of questions!

Best wishes,

Sarah

[hestia]

hi sarah thanks for replying its nice to know you feel the same... i just want to spend most of my life happy is all and i think i would be happier as a female thanks dena i live in the uk so we have the nhs that *maybe* might help me out if they deam i need it... i know it is dishonest but i might have to exagerate slightly to get them to help me i think i will go on my next hospital appointment thanks guys
-hestia

[saraht123]

No worries. I am in the UK too. I haven't dealt with the NHS yet, but if you are thinking about transitioning, the sooner you can get on their radar, the better. They are apparently a bit slow (so at least you won't have to rush your decisions!)

Sarah

[V M]

Hi Hestia 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[hestia]

thanks susan yeah apparently they are just a bit .. but i think it would be worth it in the long run i know i would feel much more confident in myself x hi v m nice to meet you all sisters thank you all so much for your help and support love you all

[Dena]

In the UK, you will receive treatment but it is a question of when. Some treatment centers have shorter wait periods than other but not living in the country I don't know much about it. Others on the site may be able to help you decide where to go for treatment.

[Kirsty48]

I would agree with Dena about the 'when' on the NHS......!!  When I saw my referring psychiatrist, he recommended a Gender Identity clinic with a waiting list of 4 months for a first appointment at the clinic...... 8 months later, it will be the best part of 12 months before that happens....!! Due to increasing demand......  Best to consider getting on 'the radar horizon' sooner rather than later is my advice....!!  Welcome Hestia...!!