some difficulties adapting to mi new gender (or gender role iffin ye will)

[FluffyPunk]

Well to bi clear M very comfortable as a woman as I have always been one inside. However, I was raised to bi a mano on top of that. I was raised in a warrior culture, I have served 2 country's army's, in 2 wars. I can get past most of that, but mi difficulty adapting is less social an mor romantic. I do need to learn to bi mor of an American woman than one of mi home as na two ar way different, but M in an odd place rite now. I live with mi boyfriend whose a ftm ts an his family. That's where na roles seem to get blurred a mite as well as duties. We live on a farm that mi mano an I ar bringing bak to life. In doing physical work setting things up (like building shelves an rabbit cages, hoisting hay, etc). Well M bigger an stronger, as well as was raised thinking mechanically whereas he wasn't. I get frustrated in doing labour as I did as a mano, an it sets off his dysphoria an can easily bicome a mess. I am well aware that in Americae women work on farms same as men do (well not na Amish) but even knowing this it just makes mi feel so far away from myself. M just trying to figure it out an find peace with myself..

Bi na wae, what's up with this verification thingy? It asked mi what's 4+6, I answered " a math problem " It wouldn't let mi post!!! :/

[FluffyPunk]

I think a lot of it for mi comes from na fact I was miserable hiding an living as a mano an I connect that misery with na miserable types of work I have done. Don't know yet but what I do know is that it really sets mi off down a negative path. When I work hard an M miserable I feel like M pretending to bi a mano again an it make mi feel horrible an ugly... there ye go... I think..

[Shanade]

Well, some women do man's job and vice versa... I wouldn't be so phased about it as it doesn't make you more or less of a female to do what you can do. Now if your boyfriend suffer from it you can either let him do and watch him fail (as a lot of women do  ) or teach him what you know so that he cans better himself. (and he cans teach you as well)

Either way while I understand how you feel, I think that the most important is to respect your comfort zone. If you don't want to do something, don't do it until you feel like comfortable doing it... There are a lot of things I used to do as a male that I didn't feel comfortable doing in the very beginning of my transition and the more I felt as a female, the more comfortable I felt doing those things as they didn't affect who I truly am. Give yourself some time

[FluffyPunk]

thanks for responding. Ya we learn a lot off each other, but it's also easy to set each other off.

[Dena]

The idea is for the new you to be the best of both worlds. Professionally I am a computer programmer and have done computer hardware design. I am now a landlord and do repairs on the units. I impress everybody with my knowledge but it doesn't make me any less of a woman. In America a woman can take any job she is able to do just as a man can be a nanny, nurse or secretary. You should take pride in your knowledge and skills instead of being uncomfortable with them. Being a woman is what's inside you and not what you do.

[FluffyPunk]

Hey Dena, thanks fer responding. I really do think mi reaction ties in to mi former misery. I been living in Americae fer over 30 years now an M still adapting to that an trying to always figure out how to better fit in. Now M doing this all over an even mor trying to fit into mi proper gender. I look at mi transition in 3 ways. 1) This is not transition, this is mi Evolution. I am bicomming what I was to bi in na beginning. 2) Douring this tyme of Evoloution its mi tyme to dig deep into myself an strengthen all weaknesses an correct errors as I can. This is na chance to build a stronger foundation to hold mi up fer na second half mi life, an there's a TON of work to bi done. 3) this is na most amazing an wonderful magik trick of all tyme. I am moved to tears bi na beauty an wonder of its work, an na peace it can bring.

Thank you both for responding. Frankly m surprised anione did. No one wants to conquer real issues like Gender role an (whom am I an how do I fit in kinda stuff). Ye know, Iffin it's not about boobs an makeup everyone runs lol. M on a far different mission here methinks. But anyway thanks again. hugs

[Dena]

I was born in 1951 when men were men and women were woman. At that time stereotypes were very common and most jobs were only for a single gender. The woman's movement started in this county in the 1960's and I saw gender roles completely redefine. Women could work in many jobs that were once only open to men. The reverse became true because men were now working in some of the jobs only women once held. There still a few jobs where strength is required that only a few women are able to do. There are also a few jobs that women do that men really haven't fit into but in this country, if you can do the job, there is no reason why you should't be permitted to do it.

Many of the people on this site are much younger than me and don't remember a time when genders were limited to well defined roles. They may not wish to discuss it because they have never experienced it. In a way, it's a good thing because they grew up free of gender biasses and they don't need to act out a role they would be uncomfortable with.

[FluffyPunk]

Indeed na younger generations ar so blessed. I've been living in Americae fer a long tyme now, but kept amongst mi own here mostly. Na culture I grew up in is far different from this one an even na conventional Irish as well. Basically M from bandit country an m much a bull in a china shoppe at tymes when I was pretending to bi a mano, Now M on mi proper path an even kinda mor lost trying to figure myself socially as a woman in Americae. Most cis women here seem reserved an somewhat introverted, Women in mi village ar raised as warriors same as men just with different duties in battle. So, whilst in transition an doing all this harsh work on myself, Figuring out whom I am, whom I wish to bi, How I wish to bi seen, an how to get there, Gender role seems quite an important subject fer mi to explore. Thanks again Dena fer yer awesome advice.

[FluffyPunk]

An ya M still sure that most of mi issues with it ar between mi an mi mano as M pretty much ok in public.