Is your fear of not looking female stronger or lesser than actual Dysphoria

[stephaniec]

How would you judge your fear of not looking female as opposed to the dysphoria of needing to be the proper gender. I just passed 2 years and I've been extremely lucky that I feel and present as a female most of the time. Just wondering if your fear of not being visibly seen as in your own eyes prevent you from over coming your sense of dysphoria. Does you fear counteract any personal advancement in solving the dysphoria riddle.

[Roni]

I think a similar topic has been discussed somewhere here but I never got around to answering it. I went into transition aiming to pass and, at the expense of sounding vain, aiming to look beautiful. I think most any girl wants to look beautiful and passable. I believe if neither of these things happened for me then I wouldn't have wanted to transition. Alleviating any dysphoria I had wasn't the only main thing, I wanted to look pretty and passable while doing it also. So yes, my fear of not passing and looking completely female overrides any possible dysphoria I might have.

[stephaniec]

I guess what I'm trying to get at is how crippling is that fear as far as proceeding to transition.

[stephaniec]

also variations of this question get thrown around. People always say their fear is crippling , but they proceed for the most part anyway. Dysphoria does seem to counter the force of fear in the majority of cases. It's not so much a question of passing as far as others are involved, it's more what you see of yourself and is that self image what determines how well you can tame the Dysphoria Dragon. I mean you can be perceived totally by others as female , but not be able to see yourself.

[takotsubo]

I find that I feel very differently with regards to this, depending on the situation. When I'm alone the dysphoria is very strong, and every like step towards femininity makes me feel better. Lately I've started the process of coming out to friends and family. This makes it very obvious that my transition isn't going to happen quietly in my head or within the security of my home, it's all going to be out in the open, seen by everyone. With that insight, suddenly the fear of being an ugly girl or not being able to pass becomes a lot stronger.

[stephaniec]

I find that I feel very differently with regards to this, depending on the situation. When I'm alone the dysphoria is very strong, and every like step towards femininity makes me feel better. Lately I've started the process of coming out to friends and family. This makes it very obvious that my transition isn't going to happen quietly in my head or within the security of my home, it's all going to be out in the open, seen by everyone. With that insight, suddenly the fear of being an ugly girl or not being able to pass becomes a lot stronger.

would the fear itself prevent you from transitioning and it not then it's more than your looks.

[stephaniec]

I think a similar topic has been discussed somewhere here but I never got around to answering it. I went into transition aiming to pass and, at the expense of sounding vain, aiming to look beautiful. I think most any girl wants to look beautiful and passable. I believe if neither of these things happened for me then I wouldn't have wanted to transition. Alleviating any dysphoria I had wasn't the only main thing, I wanted to look pretty and passable while doing it also. So yes, my fear of not passing and looking completely female overrides any possible dysphoria I might have.

the thing is what I'm trying to understand is that you say yes, the fear overrides , but yet you transitioned. You wouldn't of transitioned if the fear overrode.

[stephaniec]

There just seems something far more deeper involved than looks.

[Roni]

the thing is what I'm trying to understand is that you say yes, the fear overrides , but yet you transitioned. You wouldn't of transitioned if the fear overrode.

As soon as I realized FFS was a thing, I booked an appointment ASAP and hadn't even spent a single day living as a woman prior. That's how big my fear of not passing was. I wasn't brave enough to just transition without getting FFS first. I believe my fear of not passing has carried on to this day. I've never presented in public as female without the FFS so never learned how to deal with that fear head on.

[Lady Smith]

Dysphoria was what motivated me into transition.  I didn't care what I looked like I just knew that I couldn't live a lie anymore.  I couldn't give two figs about passing and it was never something I factored into beginning my transition.

[Roni]

But I understand what you are talking about. You don't know the amount of posts I've seen on ->-bleeped-<- from women who absolutely refuse to transition because they are afraid of just looking like a "man in a dress." Lots of people acknowledge their transsexuality and dysphoria but don't do anything about it because they'd rather be a passable male than an unpassable female.

[stephaniec]

The thing is you have overcome your fear by having the surgeries or at least enough to continue your transition. There just seems to be something that's far more important to transitioning than the fear of not presenting properly.

[Roni]

The thing is you have overcome your fear by having the surgeries or at least enough to continue your transition. There just seems to be something that's far more important to transitioning than the fear of not presenting properly.

Of course. I absolutely believe that. People go about transition differently, have different goals and expectations, and deal with transition through a number of ways. That was just my personal journey and downfall. Call me a coward but I personally cared about looks a lot. I suffer from a mix of gender dysphoria and self-image issues, and felt like the surgery was a one-fix for me.

[stephaniec]

But I understand what you are talking about. You don't know the amount of posts I've seen on ->-bleeped-<- from women who absolutely refuse to transition because they are afraid of just looking like a "man in a dress." Lots of people acknowledge their transsexuality and dysphoria but don't do anything about it because they'd rather be a passable male than an unpassable female.

so their fear is more than the dysphoria which has no negative connotation it's just one out weighs the other so there is a difference between the reason to transition or not depending on the strength of the dysphoria.

[Roni]

You asked the question and I simply answered. Looks aren't important to everybody, and more power to these women who find strength in transitioning their own way. I think what matters most for all of us is that we transition to become happier, and to end at a better place in life than we previously were.

[stephaniec]

Of course. I absolutely believe that. People go about transition differently, have different goals and expectations, and deal with transition through a number of ways. That was just my personal journey and downfall. Call me a coward but I personally cared about looks a lot. I suffer from a mix of gender dysphoria and self-image issues, and felt like the surgery was a one-fix for me.

there is no negative connotation for anyone's reasons it's just the validity of why or why not one transitions as regards to perceptions.

[Obfuskatie]

The fear that I'd never be able to be attractive as a woman, and an extremely abusive relationship where my partner literally told me that and more when I came out to her, were the two factors that caused me to postpone my transition for almost a decade. The only reason I'm still here and transitioning is because I'd rather be an unattractive woman than the alternative. I didn't start presenting until I was a month or so away from my FFS and was getting sir'ed and ma'am'ed at around the same frequency. You could say that I let fear rule much of my life, but it was the closet that was killing my confidence and making me crazy.
Even now that I'm presenting 100% of the time, I sometimes don't want to go outside because I'm feeling ugly or having a bad hair day. Honestly, my boyfriend has inadvertently shined a huge spotlight on the times I'm being irrational and afraid of not living up to some indefinable bar I set a little too high for myself. I'll send him a picture I culled from several rejects where I still think I don't look good in it, and he'll compliment me and I just don't see it. I've received compliments all my life for some things but I've never been able to see it in me...it probably has something to do with my dysphoria, but I don't know.
I still hate getting naked because I haven't had my bottom surgery, but at least I have my consultation booked for next Spring. Otherwise I don't think I'd be as happy and outgoing as I have slowly become.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[stephaniec]

When I take a shower I love the top part , but move rapidly cleaning the bottom part, It can be quite annoying when you haven't got it corrected.

[iKate]

I think a similar topic has been discussed somewhere here but I never got around to answering it. I went into transition aiming to pass and, at the expense of sounding vain, aiming to look beautiful. I think most any girl wants to look beautiful and passable. I believe if neither of these things happened for me then I wouldn't have wanted to transition. Alleviating any dysphoria I had wasn't the only main thing, I wanted to look pretty and passable while doing it also. So yes, my fear of not passing and looking completely female overrides any possible dysphoria I might have.

I feel the same way.

However I'm a little different in that I want to look not outstandingly beautiful just "average." I'm happy with looking like a 30 something year old mom.

[stephaniec]

I'd love to be the most gorgeous creature to have ever walked on the face of the planet. The thing is that could be said if I was cis male. I transitioned even though quite late because I wanted to spend my remaining years as the person I've always been inside not out. My transition , which is unique as all are transitions are was to be me. At this time of my life any prettiness is the whip on the mocha.