Three issues I'm dealing with...

[JaneNicole2013]

First, I am 2+ years HRT; 1+ year social transition; 1.5 years from GRS.

1) While I am relaxed in my own skin and around others who know, encounters with new people--and even established friends and coworkers--still make me anxious. Not seriously anxious, but I always hold my breath for the "sir" or the "ma'am." Does this ever go away? What helps? I've tried not thinking about it, or letting those thoughts slip away, but they're still there.

2) Internally, I still see/consider myself as more my old self and not my new self. In a way I am my old self, just living my life the way I want to live it, so maybe it's not an issue like I think it is, but still, mentally I'm still in "guy mode" if that really means anything.

3) When do you reveal to people you're trans? I think I've been quick to gun but I fee like it's something I should share--but maybe I don't need to since who I was before is really part of my past.

Okay. Thanks for letting me brain dump. Looking forward to your comments.

Overall, however, it's been a very wonderful experience for me.

[FluffyPunk]

Yes love I still feel as mi olde self with a lot of new additions both emotional an physical. Mithinks we feel a lot na same is cause we were women bifor transition too so this hasn't changed. I do have some struggles with "Gender Role" iffin ye will as ye can see in a previous thread on na subject but over all mi evolution is going wonderfully an m having a lot of fun. Wheras I still look somewhat masculine I don't worry too much on telling folks M trans. Fer one its none their business. Most folks don't care to ask as since m very comfortable with myself an very confident in general, most folks either think twice bifor saying anything, or perhaps theyre na ones uncomfortable ( I find this to mostly bi na case), or really they just don't care. I stick bi mi mentors 80/10/10 rule...
10% of folks will like or love ye fer a particular or no particular reason.
10% of folks will dislike or hate ye fer a particular or no particular reason.
80% of folks don't give a ->-bleeped-<-te.
As I have said mani tymes bifor, people often think like herd animals in general behavior. People look to each other to see how to react to each other. People look at you to see how to react to you! Yer confidence an self esteem shut down mor stupidity than ye know! 9x out of 10 control an flow of uncomfortable situations is dictated bi you. Doo bi doo... I can say na mor I work it out in therapy na better off I bicome. Lots of love hon.

[JoanneB]

1) People can slip on pronouns for various and sundry reasons. Especially if you are not clearly and unambiguously presenting as female. Which also, in part, ties into #2

2) You spent a lifetime as the old you. You are you, past and present. The total sum of all those life experiences. Unless you have access to one of those Men in Black brain erasers, that is not changing for you. The same applies to others you know pre-transition. They for all their lives knew you one way. Habits are tough to break.

3) I don't go around telling people I have no spleen. Others don't go around proclaiming any number of 'conditions' they may have. Unless you want to play the special victim card. So why would you want to slip into a conversation "Oh btw, I'm trans", unless they are a potential romantic/sexual partner? What business is it of theirs? If people don't suspect or know through the rumor mill, then great. If they have suspicions, perhaps at the same time expressing some sort of bigotry towards you, then maybe clear the air. If they may have suspicions and treat you as anyone else great. If they want to know for sure, they'd ask around first, or ask directly.

[Roni]

I don't think I have once come out to anyone as a trans female. Joanne is right---unless there is some sort of victim mentality in play, or unless you find thrill in showing off and letting people know of your trans status, there really is no point to coming out unless it be for a potential romantic partner. If the conversation calls for it, such as when trans rights is discussed, or when someone directly asks me if I am transgender (this hasn't happened to me now to think of it), then sure, I will probably let them know. It seems you are so anxious about passing and also keeping check about who knows and when someone should know. If I were that anxious, slipping out that I was trans would be the last thing I'd be interested in haha.

[JaneNicole2013]

Thanks! I do worry too much about "passing" although all evidence points to the fact that I do with ease and when I do get a "sir" or "he" it's usually when I'm out w/o make up in drab clothing so it's not a surprise. I just need not to worry about it so much. Really, who the f--k cares right? I've not once been mistreated.

As for telling others that comes into play mostly when I start talking about my kids, grandbaby, and exes. I have a transman friend who has created this elaborate backstory to hide his past and I just don't want to be like that to others that I'm close to. Both of you point out that I shouldn't reveal unless it's a potential romantic partner but I would like to extend that to include anyone you are getting to know on a personal or intimate level.

Thanks again. I was doing some thinking during my morning walk and I've always adopted the butterfly analogy and, like what has been said here, we do retain the core of our past, just like butterflies retain the core of their caterpillar stage but people don't see who they were but who they are. I'll just embrace that.

Thanks! I appreciate the comments/advice.

Jane