I want to share my story, though it was bought WITH much emotional currency, and time lost.
I'm with a trans gendered partner, he was my husband, and mate, and partner, and friend. Now he is my friend, Mate, and Partner and she is now a woman.
When I first found out I was floored, then angry, then in denial, then ready to divorce, and did divorce, and now we are years later ... together again. Our kids don't care whether their dad gender wise is male of female, the new generations get it. Things are changing...They are just glad mom and dad...well mom and mom are together.
To share...at the time I found out, my husband, my love, had been depressed, angry for a long time I'd ask him what is wrong and he would reply with "nothing!" He had always been ultra male, but unhappy too. And always would tell me he was tired of "riding in on a white horse" to save the day, tired of being angry, hated how he looked, tired of his body, his hair, his face. Messages being sent to me...I didn't listen.
And ...when he came out to me and I didn't believe him. I laughed, here is a guy who had girls on his wall paper for his computer, watches porn, and loved sex with me, had a beard, a truck, and who everyone saw as a MAN, masculine, no girl there at all.
So...I was floored and didn't believe him and I drew a line in the sand. I could NOT, would not allow it, we saw counselors and he was unhappy because counseling always ended with him in the closet and me in my safe zone. I had my man so happy, he remained the same, angry, depressed, resentful.
Consequently, our marriage didn't last, we fought on everything, not the subject of gender, but everything else under the sun. Ultimately due to unhappiness we ended up divorcing. He immediately began to transition and I stayed far away. Yet we have kids and ...in time we started talking on the phone a lot about these things.
The greatest thing that helped was the simple phone.
The phone made things safe...talking on the phone allowed us to really listen for once to each other. This was better than all the counseling in the world. In time we missed each other. That simple. In time I visited his place, he was dressed, and I cried and she cried. Divorce allowed him to be her and be complete and happy. It allowed me to find myself too. It allowed us both to reset our desires, expectations, and respect for each other.
It hasn't been easy, its been expensive, costly, in money, time lost, and emotional pain. I'd save people this if I can by sharing here. If you love a person, work through it. if you TRULY want them to be whole, let them be whole. Identity is everything, the self is everything. to those dealing with the initial husband thing, fill free to PM me, also leverage all the great people here.
I know this is weird, yet I hope it helps
Love
