Brohug and other male behaviors

[CaptainxTatsuo]

This is some advice I give to the girls, but I think it is as equally as valid for the guys.
Spending some time sitting in a shopping mall or another place where guys interact with friends and just quietly observing how guys treat each other, friends or people they do not know, and how they interact with women, is time well spent.
We have been socialised (usually) opposite to our true gender and it takes time and work to learn how people of our affirmed gender interact with each other and members of the opposite gender.
One I love  is how guys will wait with an utterly bored look (with a tinge of embarrassment) as their female SO goes shopping for clothes, particularly lingerie, and this interaction of 'yes bro I don't know how I put up with it' attitude.
Handshake; guys accept another mans full hand and firmly but gently grip and a quick but slow shake, looking into their colleagues eyes and saying something like 'nice to meet you'. Guys just about just touch the fingers of a womans' hand and very gently, saying something like 'lovely to meet you' while smiling warmly.
Brohugs, depend how well you know the guy but it is firm and with a firm pat but don't knock him off his feet. You are greeting not being dominant. To do so is an insult, just like trying to crush his hand.
Guys only hug women they know; relatives or long term female friends and it is an embrace. Let the woman kiss you on the cheek if she wishes. Sometimes instead of a kiss she will touch her cheek against yours. Never hug her so that her breasts are touching you. She is greeting a man she trusts and feels totally at ease with. It is totally nonsexual.
Women will often hug a female friend quickly with no embrace and just touch cheeks. Usually talking nonstop  . This gives the cues of what she wants to talk about with her friends.
Non of these ideas work in non western cultures, or with friends or acquaintances from other cultures that may have distinct boundaries. If you are fortunate enough to make friends with men or women from other cultures pick the cues from them. Most are trying very hard to assimilate into your culture and overcoming the socialisation they have received and want to fit in, but it can be very confronting - even more than it for us who have 'only' changed gender socialisation.
Sorry if this came over like 'Greetings for Dummies 101' it wasn't meant that way!

Thank You! Detailed and informative and I had not even thought
of doing this! I wish I was on here back in 2007!
I will be having a really good excuse to go chill at the mall
on one of those massage chair things or eat a meal
in the malls food-court area.

[captains]

In my experience girls just do that anyway haha

Or maybe I just had really nasty friends? lol

Oh no, they definitely do, haha. It's just funny b/c these girls are like ... the romcom and makeovers and white wine type. Good people, but they are feminine in a way that I've never experienced, even as a "woman." I feel like I'm seeing a whole new world. Anyway, trash talk was definitely not their thing and they were super aghast every time I opened my mouth for a while, but these days it's like being in a room full of MEAN sailors. I love it. 

[Peep]

Oh no, they definitely do, haha. It's just funny b/c these girls are like ... the romcom and makeovers and white wine type. Good people, but they are feminine in a way that I've never experienced, even as a "woman." I feel like I'm seeing a whole new world. Anyway, trash talk was definitely not their thing and they were super aghast every time I opened my mouth for a while, but these days it's like being in a room full of MEAN sailors. I love it. 

I guess the salt is in everyone, you've just got to teach them how to let it out

[Arch]

No more than 3 slaps, and definitely no rubbing: only slaps.

Ah, you are describing the straight brohug.

[Bimmer Guy]

I just wanted to thank the ladies for coming into the thread and adding to the discussion.  Very helpful!

[iKate]

The "bro hug" as I've experienced needs to be confident and firm. Gentle is how girls hug each other. Guys are kind of rough. The back pat most of the time, yes. Maybe a "yo" or "ayye" something. Followed with a handshake.

But the main ingredient is confidence.

[Sam Alexei]

After I started "passing" because of T, I became a lot less invested in trying to imitate stereotypical male behaviors. I realized after that that it didn't necessarily make or break my presentation. Mostly, I'm just viewed as a gay male due to some of these leftover qualities perceived as feminine, which I am, so that's okay with me.

I just wanted to interject this to let you know that there is not necessarily any form of behavior that will make or break your passing. It may help in some scenarios, but being yourself will not make it so you NEVER pass if you prefer to do that.

[November Fox]

Gentle is how girls hug each other. Guys are kind of rough. But the main ingredient is confidence.

I think that´s the part that bothered me more, not that it wasn´t universally "manly" enough but more that I didn´t feel confident. I pass and I am seen by this guy as male, but my own hug struck me as very feminine and more suiting to who I used to be.

I don´t really feel a need to fit in with bro-culture (for me "bro-culture" feels as a thing that was nonexistent for my generation...)

I am also a quite feminine guy and I´m totally o.k with that, but I do need to feel like a guy. That´s more the thing. But I reckon it takes practice and it was my first male hug in that male role anyway 

[wheat thins are delicious]

After I started "passing" because of T, I became a lot less invested in trying to imitate stereotypical male behaviors. I realized after that that it didn't necessarily make or break my presentation. Mostly, I'm just viewed as a gay male due to some of these leftover qualities perceived as feminine, which I am, so that's okay with me.

I just wanted to interject this to let you know that there is not necessarily any form of behavior that will make or break your passing. It may help in some scenarios, but being yourself will not make it so you NEVER pass if you prefer to do that.

All of this.  I try not to put too much thought into my actions and whether they will be seen as "manly" or not.  These actions aren't going to make or break my presentation, though I 'pass' fully so I worry less about presentation anyway.  It's good to realize that cis men don't all greet each other the same way.  A lot of it is cultural as well as familial, and even individual.  People watching is a great way to see the variation in ways men interact with each other. 

[Shandril]

Job interviews that end with a hand shake i always noticed the interviewer ended a handshake with a quick squeeze which i assume is to show their dominance?

You really have to gauge the person, do they look dominant, was the conversation even sided, is it a friendly handshake etc..

Im 30 and born a man and im still trying to figure it out haha.

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[Deborah]

Greeting people you don't know very well isn't a mystery.  Don't try to dominate and don't act submissive.  Be polite; show no fear.    Look people in the eye when speaking and act confident.  Let them know you view them as equals whether they are or not.  Those prone to bullying will pick somebody else and everyone else will respect you because you treat them with respect.

It doesn't matter whether you are male or female or something in between.  It works the same for everybody. 

[November Fox]

Job interviews that end with a hand shake i always noticed the interviewer ended a handshake with a quick squeeze which i assume is to show their dominance?

I always thought that the squeeze thing was a gesture of affection  That just goes to show how open to interpretation anything can be. Like a pat on the back from someone, same kind of thing.

[Deborah]

The hand squeeze could mean several different things.  It could be dominance or it could be nothing at all, simply the way that person shakes hands.  The only way to know it to read the situation and the other persons body language as a whole.