Is love even possible for people like us? - just a thought

[Melizza]

I have feel an emptiness inside me for the last couple of weeks, I feel vulnerable and weak, I never thought I would feel this way, specially since I am finally the person I am supposed to be.

For 35 years I lived in the wrong body, finally 3 years ago I was strong enough to say "no more" and did the most difficult thing I will ever do in my life, I came out to my family and friends.

The first year was the most difficult one, but I felt secured and I knew it was the right thing to do, I hurt others and I was selfish (realistically a transition is a selfish move).  It took me a year to go thru the transition, I changed my name and gender in the process, and got a new job as the new me in a place where nobody knew anything about my old self.

At that moment I was happy, I felt full, I felt that finally I would be me!, I felt that if I was able to go thru that type of transition I could do anything with my life.

But there was a problem, a catch, due to my transition I lost the person I loved the most, I lost my wife. Now we are really good friends, we still live together and we have a beautiful daughter, but I do not have somebody to hug or hug me back or somebody to hold me when I need him to.

After my transition I realized that I am attracted to guys, I have been out with a few of them, I even got in love with one, but as soon as I told him about my past he did not want to be with me anymore.

I am wondering, is love even possible for people like us? I cry myself to sleep thinking about a guy holding me and loving me, is that too much to ask for?

[RachelsMantra]

I am wondering, is love even possible for people like us? I cry myself to sleep thinking about a guy holding me and loving me, is that too much to ask for?

Yes, it's possible. There are enough success stories of trans people finding love that I know it's not impossible. It can be difficult. And frustrating. And take some time. But if you have a winning personality then someone is bound to appreciate that regardless of your trans status.

I should mention that I met someone after my transition and we're in love but they're trans as well so that makes it easier, which is why many trans people end up dating other trans people.

[Roni]

We have to accept the reality that as trans women, it is a *little* bit more difficult for us to find love than cis women, but definitely not impossible. Finding love is already hard enough for anybody, trans or cis, so try not to blame what happened with this man on your gender identity. Men will find a plethora of reasons to want to discontinue dating somebody: they don't agree with the person's politics, religion, social background, personality, skills in bed, and for some women, their sexual and gender identity.

I went into transition fully prepared to be single most of my life. As a straight trans woman, I was convinced no straight man would be interested in me. However I told myself I would rather be a single woman if it meant being myself and not being with a person who loved and viewed me as the completely wrong gender.

I am currently in a committed relationship with a young straight male. But I had to go through hordes to find someone that not only was interested in dating me, but who I was interested in dating as well (remember---do not settle). I dated men who ended up being hateful transphobes and had nothing but mean things to say to me upon finding out my identity, I dated men who didn't have a problem dating me initially but backed out after a while because it got too "weird" for them, I unknowingly dated ->-bleeped-<-s who were only in on it because of my mismatched body, and I casually dated young straight males who weren't ->-bleeped-<-s but were genuinely curious about "experimenting" with me. And then I met my current boyfriend. I've been through it all. Finding the right guy wasn't easy, but the same holds true for any woman regardless of their identity.

Take solace in the fact that it is 2015 and for the most part, men have gotten more open-minded and generally more sexually fluid than they were decades ago. It seems you've only had experience with one male also, and were completely let down by this one experience. You will go through this more than once, or maybe your next date will be your soul mate, who knows? The fact is the love game is a tough one, regardless of identity, but is a game often worth the price.

[TG CLare]

Yes, it's possible to find someone to love.

I too lost the woman I loved very much. We're still friends and she reminds me of what we lost because of who I am but I can't go back even if I could.

There is a woman I love very much. Right now it's one sided but who knows? If she found love once with a woman, why can't we discover we love each other?

I will agree though that being trans, it is harder for us than cis women.

Love,
Clare

[stephaniec]

everyone is looking for someone

[suzifrommd]

I hear you.

My gender therapist has been seeing trans people for nearly 30 years. Her claim is that the only relationships that last between trans women and cis men are ones where the man knew from the start that the woman was trans. So I make sure before we date that men know I'm trans.

I hold out hope that I will meet someone. I'm a decent catch, intelligent, interesting, energetic, adventurous. But haven't yet met the right person. I'm working on being OK with being by myself. On some days that goes better than others.

[iKate]

I often wonder but one guy who is interested in me knows my history. So I dunno if anything will come from that.

I think I'm a fairly decent catch. Attractive in an ordinary way, very family oriented, intelligent, and fun to be with.

[Lyndsey]

Hi People
I myself have transitioned over the last 4 years and i knew that it is what I had to do. I lost my close partner as she did not want to be with another women. It has been a very hard road for me to and after SRS i have started to like men too. As you do know as soon as a man finds out you are trans they don't want anything to do with you. I get very lonely and spend a lot of nights crying myself to sleep. Then to top it off as most of us, our families have dropped most of us from the Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings as they don't want to be embarrassed by our presents or have to try to explain anything about us. I want to find love in my life so much. Someone to hug and hold me as I want to hug and hold them too. Someone I can cook for and have fun with and I love to joke and laugh. I pray very day for this and I'm 58 years old. will i live long enough for this to ever happen. Who knows but even a close friend is a good start. I am Broken Hearted

Big Hugs to all
Lyndsey Marie Burke

[Laura_7]

Hi People
I myself have transitioned over the last 4 years and i knew that it is what I had to do. I lost my close partner as she did not want to be with another women. It has been a very hard road for me to and after SRS i have started to like men too. As you do know as soon as a man finds out you are trans they don't want anything to do with you. I get very lonely and spend a lot of nights crying myself to sleep. Then to top it off as most of us, our families have dropped most of us from the Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings as they don't want to be embarrassed by our presents or have to try to explain anything about us. I want to find love in my life so much. Someone to hug and hold me as I want to hug and hold them too. Someone I can cook for and have fun with and I love to joke and laugh. I pray very day for this and I'm 58 years old. will i live long enough for this to ever happen. Who knows but even a close friend is a good start. I am Broken Hearted

Big Hugs to all
Lyndsey Marie Burke

You will 

I'd say try to be someone who is fun to have around...
relax... be yourself...
and do a few things that bring you in contact with others...
there are cooking courses for singles for example...

or dancing lessons...


hugs

[Lyndsey]

Thank You Laura
Got to keep my head up. Just very emotional today. I love this time of year and Hate being alone during it.

Hug's
Lyndsey

[cindianna_jones]

I think the possibilities for love have never been better for us. I had a nice relationship for many years before it went south. His excuse? "I'm a heterosexual man." and "I need a real woman."

I'm older now and it doesn't seem likely that I'll want to sacrifice my solitude to share with someone else. I'm not looking.

It can be heartbreaking, but life without love is better than some alternatives that come to mind.

Cindi

[Wild Flower]

If Justin Bieber and Vaniity could hook up. We can find love.

[Lyndsey]

Hi Cindi

I have to say I do agree with you in a lot of ways but I guess that I'm kind of a people pleaser and love my time with others. But you are right as I myself have lived alone for a lot of years and very set in my ways. I'm a bit of a neat freak as my daughter but i like to live and can clean up after a big putting my self. But I would;d still love to have a man in my life.

Hug's
Lyndsey

[iKate]

We have to accept the reality that as trans women, it is a *little* bit more difficult for us to find love than cis women, but definitely not impossible. Finding love is already hard enough for anybody, trans or cis, so try not to blame what happened with this man on your gender identity. Men will find a plethora of reasons to want to discontinue dating somebody: they don't agree with the person's politics, religion, social background, personality, skills in bed, and for some women, their sexual and gender identity.

I went into transition fully prepared to be single most of my life. As a straight trans woman, I was convinced no straight man would be interested in me. However I told myself I would rather be a single woman if it meant being myself and not being with a person who loved and viewed me as the completely wrong gender.

I am currently in a committed relationship with a young straight male. But I had to go through hordes to find someone that not only was interested in dating me, but who I was interested in dating as well (remember---do not settle). I dated men who ended up being hateful transphobes and had nothing but mean things to say to me upon finding out my identity, I dated men who didn't have a problem dating me initially but backed out after a while because it got too "weird" for them, I unknowingly dated ->-bleeped-<-s who were only in on it because of my mismatched body, and I casually dated young straight males who weren't ->-bleeped-<-s but were genuinely curious about "experimenting" with me. And then I met my current boyfriend. I've been through it all. Finding the right guy wasn't easy, but the same holds true for any woman regardless of their identity.

Take solace in the fact that it is 2015 and for the most part, men have gotten more open-minded and generally more sexually fluid than they were decades ago. It seems you've only had experience with one male also, and were completely let down by this one experience. You will go through this more than once, or maybe your next date will be your soul mate, who knows? The fact is the love game is a tough one, regardless of identity, but is a game often worth the price.

In your case though, you're attractive and passable. That tends to override any doubts about dating a Trans woman.

But someone more mundane looking and not very passable will have a hard time.

Yes, non attractive cisgender women have trouble finding a partner as well but many of them seem to find one. We have to overcome the Trans baggage and stigma.

That said I think things have improved a lot. Janet mock just got married and I believe Keanu Reeves is dating a Trans woman. So very public examples of Trans-cis straight love seem to exist and that lends hope.

In my case I may be single the rest of my life once my current marriage ends. I'm fine with that. I was never one for relationships anyway. Never dated during my teens, met first wife online and that didn't work out so well. This current one was more of an enhanced friendship more than anything rather than what I see many people having in a marriage.

But then again I get a good deal of attention and one or two are persistent so I may not stay single for long.

It's weird today I was in a tech conference and one guy just couldn't stop talking to me, making silly small talk...  Not my type though so I kind of just brushed him off after a while and went and got some snacks.

[Obfuskatie]

In your case though, you're attractive and passable. That tends to override any doubts about dating a Trans woman.

But someone more mundane looking and not very passable will have a hard time.

Yes, non attractive cisgender women have trouble finding a partner as well but many of them seem to find one. We have to overcome the Trans baggage and stigma.

That said I think things have improved a lot. Janet mock just got married and I believe Keanu Reeves is dating a Trans woman. So very public examples of Trans-cis straight love seem to exist and that lends hope.

In my case I may be single the rest of my life once my current marriage ends. I'm fine with that. I was never one for relationships anyway. Never dated during my teens, met first wife online and that didn't work out so well. This current one was more of an enhanced friendship more than anything rather than what I see many people having in a marriage.

But then again I get a good deal of attention and one or two are persistent so I may not stay single for long.

It's weird today I was in a tech conference and one guy just couldn't stop talking to me, making silly small talk...  Not my type though so I kind of just brushed him off after a while and went and got some snacks.

Whoah there... Her appearance doesn't negate her point. Being passable or pretty enough to hit a magical threshold doesn't make straight men not treat you like garbage because of any reason. I'd honestly argue that her ability to blend in is testament to how narrow minded and transphobic some people can be.

In my experience, I've dealt with a mixed bag of straight guys even after I was very straightforward about my status. Although my current boyfriend and I just became Facebook official, it took months of disappointment and frustration with the dating scene to find him and then another few months before making it to where we are today.

IMHO, although being trans necessitates us to communicate a lot off things before and be more open in general, it forces us to create honesty and trust much more than Hetero-cisnormative relationships that don't have to negotiate any of the same body boundaries nor require nearly as much communication. Being trans doesn't make things easy, but it doesn't preclude us from finding love any more than being left handed, having a particular hair or eye-color, or having staunch opinions.

     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[crystals]

as a transwoman madly in love and dating a transman myself
i  can surely say yes love is possible

[kittenpower]

I've been with my husband for 8 years, and I only dated a handful of guys before I met him; it's partly luck, and being in the right place at the right time to meet the person you are meant to be with.

[Lyndsey]

Hi all
I hope and pray every night that this world we live in will just have some peace. We all need to have someone to love and be loved by. Hopefully education to the world will bring peace to all transgender's all over the world. It makes it real hard when people have to judge you when it has nothing to do with them. To the strait cis women and men we are just as lovable as you. And need to be loved the same. The phobia of a man being with a transgender women is gay is not true. And the same thing for a women being with a transgender man that is not gay. That is why education is so important.

Big hug to all
Lyndsey


Lyndsey Marie Burke

[barbie]

FYI,

HA RISU AND MICKY JUNG CELEBRATE THEIR 7TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

http://koreaboo.tumblr.com/post/86310005848/ha-risu-and-micky-jung-celebrate-their-7th-wedding

barbie~~

[Elsa Delyth]

Relationships are a difficult issue, I'm far from a social butterfly, and not the most confident person around, and am used to being alone. I also am not publically myself, so I never respond to, or take flirtation, or interest anywhere.

I've only had one serious relationship, and only because she worked hard, and initiated everything, and there wasn't a whole lot of risk involved, and me having to put myself out there, and worry about possible rejection. She did eventually get sick of me though...

I do worry that, I may make things even harder for myself if I limit my prospects, as it were, but my therapist said that potential prospects are not prospects at all if I don't put myself out there, and be confident, and myself. She thinks that I'd have a better change if I transition, if I' more social, confident, and happy.

I hope so.