Is love even possible for people like us? - just a thought

[iKate]

Whoah there... Her appearance doesn't negate her point. Being passable or pretty enough to hit a magical threshold doesn't make straight men not treat you like garbage because of any reason. I'd honestly argue that her ability to blend in is testament to how narrow minded and transphobic some people can be.

In my experience, I've dealt with a mixed bag of straight guys even after I was very straightforward about my status. Although my current boyfriend and I just became Facebook official, it took months of disappointment and frustration with the dating scene to find him and then another few months before making it to where we are today.

IMHO, although being trans necessitates us to communicate a lot off things before and be more open in general, it forces us to create honesty and trust much more than Hetero-cisnormative relationships that don't have to negotiate any of the same body boundaries nor require nearly as much communication. Being trans doesn't make things easy, but it doesn't preclude us from finding love any more than being left handed, having a particular hair or eye-color, or having staunch opinions.

     Hugs,
- Katie
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My point only was that it's easier when you are attractive. Yes that is true for cis women but for Trans women it seems to be a necessity.

If you don't pass and aren't attractive you will either get Trans attracted people or gay men who view you as a man. I'm not interested in either (the former, maybe but not the latter). That is also true for things like employment and daily life, but seems to be severely amplified for Trans women.

But she makes a lot of valid points, like don't settle, and you'll kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. But I don't think it is as easy for many women who don't pass and aren't that attractive. That's just how dating is as a woman but it is also amplified by being Trans.

Some guys also want kids and a family so that can be a roadblock with them since we can't (yet) sexually reproduce.

[Obfuskatie]

My point only was that it's easier when you are attractive. Yes that is true for cis women but for Trans women it seems to be a necessity.

If you don't pass and aren't attractive you will either get Trans attracted people or gay men who view you as a man. I'm not interested in either (the former, maybe but not the latter). That is also true for things like employment and daily life, but seems to be severely amplified for Trans women.

But she makes a lot of valid points, like don't settle, and you'll kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. But I don't think it is as easy for many women who don't pass and aren't that attractive. That's just how dating is as a woman but it is also amplified by being Trans.

Some guys also want kids and a family so that can be a roadblock with them since we can't (yet) sexually reproduce.

It may seem that way, but I don't believe it is. I think trans people who make it through some pivotal stages in their transition are usually much more kind and happy and generous than other people. With confidence in who you are, you tend to become a compelling person to others. Beauty on the outside is fleeting, and I don't think it makes people better adjusted or more appealing to cis people.
Life can be easier for attractive, wealthy, straight, tall, ethnic majority, male people. And the difference between attractiveness and the other items in that list is that it's immeasurable and subjective. Passing in and of itself is rooted in negative connotations of deception, which is why I prefer to use blending and I don't believe you have to be conventionally attractive to blend in. In some ways I think the more attractive you are, the less able you are to blend in because it attracts more attention and scrutiny.
The beauty standard of every culture tends to favor a minority of women. In American culture we have competing standards that almost require body modification to attain the Kardashian hourglass figure or the tall thin buxom blonde. Misogyny is the culprit when it comes to beauty standards, trans-misogyny is the culprit when it comes to the surgical emphasis on our trans population.
I've never met a gay man that was into my boobs, and I think you may be attributing attention from bi-guys that are out in the gay community. ->-bleeped-<-s and the curious are sometimes initially interested because of our trans-ness, but any relationship you build after meeting them necessitates a personal and vested interest beyond your body. We all have to communicate a lot more initially in the relationship to make sure our partners are on the same page as us, but that can be a blessing in disguise and lead us to more fulfilling relationships in general.
Did you know that ~55% of married trans people stay with their partner through their transition? I just heard the statistic from Parker Molloy on Dan Savage's Lovecast. That statistic is way higher than the national average that cis people are pulling down.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[iKate]

How many who stay with their partners are intimate though? I don't know what that statistic is but I'm betting the number isn't very high. For example I'm still married but there is no touching at all. She doesn't want it and neither do I. Eventually I see us getting divorced. The only thing keeping us under the same roof is the kids.

[Lyndsey]

Relationships are a difficult issue, I'm far from a social butterfly, and not the most confident person around, and am used to being alone. I also am not publically myself, so I never respond to, or take flirtation, or interest anywhere.

I've only had one serious relationship, and only because she worked hard, and initiated everything, and there wasn't a whole lot of risk involved, and me having to put myself out there, and worry about possible rejection. She did eventually get sick of me though...

I do worry that, I may make things even harder for myself if I limit my prospects, as it were, but my therapist said that potential prospects are not prospects at all if I don't put myself out there, and be confident, and myself. She thinks that I'd have a better change if I transition, if I' more social, confident, and happy.

I hope so.

Hi sweetie
I have to say that your therapist is right on. After i transitioned it was a new game for me. When i had my male parts i was a striate heterosexual man and after my surgery I have been a lot more attracted to men. I will say you never know till it happens. Right now I have been seeing someone for a few weeks and he completely knows everything about me as he did from a friend before he met me. We have hit things off on a great start but I don't count anything till time goes by.He really seam very sincere to me at this time and things are great. If it is truly what you want to completely transition and you feel that it is right than you will be happier on the other side.If at all you are unsure of your self than definitely wait. always remember if you have SRS it is irreversible.  I do know that I'm so much happier than ever in my life after SRS.

Big Hugs
Lyndsey

[Anna33]

It is possible. I am married to a beautiful cis woman. It's not easy. But life never is, for anybody.

IT's true that being pretty helps, like someone said above. But one can be pretty in many ways, not necessarily phisically atractive. It depends on the kind of partner that you want for you I guess.

[Wild Flower]

My point only was that it's easier when you are attractive. Yes that is true for cis women but for Trans women it seems to be a necessity.

If you don't pass and aren't attractive you will either get Trans attracted people or gay men who view you as a man. I'm not interested in either (the former, maybe but not the latter). That is also true for things like employment and daily life, but seems to be severely amplified for Trans women.

But she makes a lot of valid points, like don't settle, and you'll kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. But I don't think it is as easy for many women who don't pass and aren't that attractive. That's just how dating is as a woman but it is also amplified by being Trans.

Some guys also want kids and a family so that can be a roadblock with them since we can't (yet) sexually reproduce.

Or look very blow up doll and exgerrated features. Some guys like look... But rarely love... But its better to be sexually beautiful than to be non passable (given those two options). Huge implants, injections, pounds of make up, revealing dresses....

Looks matter. Especially to men.

I put on Retin A and sunscreen nearly daily for to preserve my youth... Youth is my weapon of my looks at this point... I blend in with the 18-21 crowd with ease. My eyes are my everything... Without it I have a potatoe face... (pudgy nose.. No define features); my body is shapely but is like a potatoe in big clothing.

But I want to be 26 at 40 and 35 at 50... And end up looking like a Mamie Van Doren.

[April_TO]

Not to sound jaded but I am also prepared to be single for the rest of my life. I just try to enjoy my journey and not worry if he comes along or not. I just focus on me and how can I improve the things I can. I noticed I am getting attention. However, I am also worried that once they know my status then they will just leave and run as fast as they can.

Be happy and love yourself so you can attract the love that's meant for you. There's a lid for every pot.

Hugs!

[Wild Flower]

Not to sound jaded but I am also prepared to be single for the rest of my life. I just try to enjoy my journey and not worry if he comes along or not. I just focus on me and how can I improve the things I can. I noticed I am getting attention. However, I am also worried that once they know my status then they will just leave and run as fast as they can.

Be happy and love yourself so you can attract the love that's meant for you. There's a lid for every pot.

Hugs!

Take this as a grain of salt. But if I was you..
i would have hot men dating me everyday.

You dont have to be a supermodel as a female... Just very pretty.

Youre pretty in a feminine ingenue way. (like Audrey Hepburn... You dont look like her but like in that category)

As women... We hold the ropes to men hearts and souls. I know that I can get 70% of the gay/bi/top/heavier than me population out there.

[Elsa Delyth]

Hi sweetie
I have to say that your therapist is right on. After i transitioned it was a new game for me. When i had my male parts i was a striate heterosexual man and after my surgery I have been a lot more attracted to men. I will say you never know till it happens. Right now I have been seeing someone for a few weeks and he completely knows everything about me as he did from a friend before he met me. We have hit things off on a great start but I don't count anything till time goes by.He really seam very sincere to me at this time and things are great. If it is truly what you want to completely transition and you feel that it is right than you will be happier on the other side.If at all you are unsure of your self than definitely wait. always remember if you have SRS it is irreversible.  I do know that I'm so much happier than ever in my life after SRS.

Big Hugs
Lyndsey

I'm not sure if I'll get GRS or not, maybe sometime, kind of worrying about things one step at a time. I am not completely dismissing the idea, but I doubt that my sexuality will change.

I worry about the nerve, and if my life will be more dangerous, or traumatic if I transitioned, but I don't really have personal doubts about it, and the roles are always reversible, which is really all that's significant to me.

[Lyndsey]

If you get SRS it is not reversible


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[iKate]

I agree with Wild flower!!!

[Lyndsey]

And I didn't think I could ever like men but that took a big change after surgery. And as for sexual feeling down below it is awesome to say the least


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[Lyndsey]

I agree with her too


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[iKate]

And I didn't think I could ever like men but that took a big change after surgery. And as for sexual feeling down below it is awesome to say the least

I had a mild attraction to some guys but after transitioning and setting myself free it is completely in overdrive now.

The feeling I get when a guy tries to woo me is even better than I had when I was dating girls. I feel pretty much the same way, just more intense. The butterflies, warm glow and everything.

[Lyndsey]

For sure! I never in a million year would have though that but all I can say is WOW!! It is wonderful


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[Harley Quinn]

Love is only possible when it's in your heart. You have to be open to it to receive it. It happens for everyone in due course. Just don't let life make you callus before it happens. A bitter soul is the least attractive quality. Stay happy in your life and that will shine through to the right person.   

[Lyndsey]

After surgery I became a much softer and relaxed and happy woman it has made a few change for me in all for the better I am very much happier in my life than I ever had and I only wish no matter what anybody has for decision that it is what they truly want to do the sauce and not be pushed by anybody else that is what's so nice about these four room decision that it is what they truly want to do the sauce and not be pushed by anybody else that is what's so nice about these forums you can certainly get a lot of different opinions which is nice


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[Karen5519]

It can and does happen.  You just cannot allow yourself to get caught up in wanting a man so much that it rules your life.  Just be comfortable with yourself and confident and live your daily life.  Trust me, it will happen when you least expect it.  As they get older, men tend to look for things in women that are not all centered around their beauty.  If you project confidence, dress appropriately and handle yourself like a lady you will attract more eyes than you can imagine........and those eyes will, for the most part, be from men that are mature and that you will very much want to be with for all of the right reasons.  In short, those qualities that I just mentioned will far outweigh the fact that you got to your womanhood in what is seen as a rather unorthodox manner.  I have friends who are in terrific relationships with men, some of which are married, and they get on just as any traditional male/cis female would.  AGain, get comfortable with yourself.....go about your life in a proper ladylike manner and good things will seek you out!

[April_TO]

Thanks Wild Flower, I genuinely appreciate your feedback. Here's to 2016 to all of us who are still looking for Mr. Right. I'm sure he is looking for us and we just need to find another.

Thinking about it makes me excited 

Hugs

Take this as a grain of salt. But if I was you..
i would have hot men dating me everyday.

You dont have to be a supermodel as a female... Just very pretty.

Youre pretty in a feminine ingenue way. (like Audrey Hepburn... You dont look like her but like in that category)

As women... We hold the ropes to men hearts and souls. I know that I can get 70% of the gay/bi/top/heavier than me population out there.

[April_TO]

Hugs xoxo

I agree with Wild flower!!!