Dear Amoré:
There's a reality here that we trans-folk really need to grasp sometimes: Others do things to/for/with/etc. us because they want something, always and always they/we want something from each other; it's immutable, the human condition. In this case your family seems to generally want their 'male' family member who is transitioning to stop, or perhaps more generously to not transition and keep from making a terrible <fill in the blank> of it all.
I get it and so do any of us who have been or are there. I was the most guilt-ridden soul on the planet when my family confronted me about remaining as the patriarch and to stop being a self-centered, selfish pervert. As a result, for months I was convinced I was a horrible, vile, despicable person, all the while realizing of course that there was wasn't a viable alternative for me other than to transition or to not exist (and I tried that too, uggghhh).
You are feeling guilty because each family member who has in some way encouraged you to remain as you are has done so primarily to address something they need for themselves or have a personal issue with, AND you think you are the source of their malaise. In reality, you aren't; rather, you are taking positive steps to address a serious condition that brings with it (unasked for as you will recall) the need to take some challenging and unusual actions . . . actions with impacts that people perceive at the most fundamental level of being and self, i.e. gender. There are a lot of reasons why they do this but not because you have made them feel that way and/or behaved this way or that as they have responded. Just the opposite, they are responding to their own internal issues and concerns, not yours.
The root cause of your guilt has to do with how you feel about you, and I'm not minimizing the impact of the family's actions toward you. It's difficult and unloving of them, but in time they may come to accept you. It may be difficult to hear all this just now, but you are wonderful person who can and will contribute and love all of your family in some manner or another, even an ex-wife if it comes to that, but to do so sincerely and truly with love you have to be who you are. You innately know this I'm sure; we all do, including your family even if they can't admit it just yet.
It's not up to you nor is it within your power to alter your family's response to you; that was, is and always will be upon them. You can show them grace and love in the face of their angst and lack of support, and I recommend you do that. For in time it will matter greatly to you how you handle your family now, but that does not mean you are to feel guilty because you are transgender, quite the opposite. Why you may ask? Well, I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that Amoré has so much to offer her self, your family and fiends, the community, the country, . . . that in time it will be inconceivable that Amoré didn't become that beautiful woman she is destined to be.
Will your family rejoice in this miracle? Time will tell, but without a doubt the world will be a better place as Amoré grows and graces it daily. Nothing has ever been truer.
Please stay in touch, be as strong as you are beautiful, and let go of those terrible feelings of guilt; you are a wonderful person with a mysterious gift. Embrace it and share it with the world, for we will all be better for it.
Take good care and know that we here support you,
Rachel
