Going about my transition the wrong way?

[LaLuchadora]

Hi all,

First of all I just wanted to say thanks to anyone who gave me advice on the topics I made last year...

On blockers 14 months and just under a year on estrogen and never felt better! 

I've been thinking about how I've been handling the transition to date quite a bit this week and I'm questioning myself as to whether I've been going about things the right way...

Basically, I've 1.5 years left in college and my attitude all along has been that I will finish out the degree in male mode [having done "prep" (which I'm in the middle of) ie getting a new wardrobe together, growing my hair out, electrolysis, practicing my voice/makeup and slowly coming out to my friends and family (my immediate family and close friends know and are pretty cool with things)] and then once I graduate I will go in for my ffs and breast augmentation that summer and begin presenting myself immediately afterwards.

I'm not really willing to present myself any sooner as I just don't like the idea of going out with an androgynous look or putting myself at more risk of being mis-gendered than needs be plus I don't want to have to change my name legally mid-degree.

I realise everyone has their own ways of going about a transition but I'm wondering if I'm being too idealistic about it or just expecting that I'll be able to just start living as a girl on one given day is unrealistic?

So I was just hoping if anyone who's gone through their transition or is still in the throws of it had any opinions or suggestions for what I could/should do? (alternative plans maybe?)

Any advice would be really appreciated! 

[RachelsMantra]

There is no right or wrong way to transition. Do what makes you the most comfortable. If you're not ready for girl mode then you're not ready, simple as that.

With that said, I don't think it's unrealistic to "all of a sudden" start girl mode. If youve been on HRT for as long as you have, then all you need probably is a change in your presentation and wham you are in girl mode. Some things might evolve more slowly like your mannerisms and your feminine presence (unless you are already doing these things in male mode) but if you've been on HRT that long it probably won't be hard for people to gender you correctly if you put in a little effort into your presentation. Im assuming of course that you have been growing out your hair. That helps a lot.

[Dena]

Everybody has their own way of doing thing but I don't consider your approach to be ideal. I think you should have part time/full time before you consider FFS and voice surgery. They aren't reversible and the fear of going full time is sufficient that some people stop the transition. Most of the time they resume the transition at a latter date but surgery to early would result in living in boy mode with an altered face and voice. You should live enough in the feminine role to be sure you can deal with the looks and issues you might have to deal with.

I had my Adam's apple shaved and a nose job between part time and full time living but both surgeries were done so I could return to boy mode. When I switched to girl mode, I was unemployed and needed to find a job. It is nerve racking to need a job and starting full time living at the same time. You are never sure if you didn't get the job because you weren't qualified or because you didn't pass.

Your nerves don't get any better because you have a different appearance. You will still face the same problems of adjusting to the new role regardless of your appearances so start living the new role before surgery.

[Ms Grace]

Take whatever time you feel you need. My only proviso on that maxim is that you need to ask yourself if you're denying yourself the opportunity to be yourself when potentially you may already be ready. I speak only from experience in that, during my first attempt at transition, I was always waiting for when I was "ready"; after two years on HRT and having passed into male fail territory at least six months earlier I still didn't think I was ready to be me. Changing to full time girl mode is quite daunting when you're on the other side but much less so once you are living it. If your college offers a supportive environment for trans people consider how it might help rather than hinder your transition if you are in fact keen to. One other issue, consider that you will receive your degree in your male name which will need to be changed if you're going to use it once you've transitioned.

BTW, second transition I decided I was ready a lot earlier than I had planned and did indeed just swap to full girl mode.

[diane 2606]

As you see, LaLuchadora, there are as many ways of transitioning as there are people. In my case, in 1987 I moved 2,000 miles from family and friends. That gave me the opportunity to begin exploring life options, one of which was a year after I moved I was on HRT. I continued taking hormones for five years before I transitioned. The fact that I had a job and lived alone provided the opportunity to build a female persona and a life separate from that of male-at-work mode. When I started RLE in Feb. 1994 I just rolled into the new life I'd already built.

Now the hard part, and this doesn't pertain to your question but I want to write it anyway, during the years I was spending all my time away from work as a woman, it became increasingly difficult to take the makeup off and get into boy drag. I dealt with a good deal of stress. If you eventually find yourself in a position where you're bouncing back and forth between identities, find a few people to whom you can vent when the stress builds.

From my perspective you've done it all pretty well to this point. Dena's admonition about surgical options pre-transition seems valid to me. Society treats women different than they treat men. Until you have some experience dealing with it, life-changing surgery is probably best left for later. In any case, have a great transition! Please keep us in the loop as you progress.