Comfort zone

[Tommi]

I've noticed by reading lots here, most people go through similar things and are reassured it's "normal".

So my issue is, that I am not at all passable, fully masculine as I've not started any transition yet.  However, I'm expressing my femininity through painting my toes and some jewelry, and when not around family (work and out) breast forms and bras.

However, I find I am quite self-conscious about it, yet I don't want to NOT do it.  So quite the issue.  I feel like, I wish I was brave enough to flaunt it more, but there is an underlying nervousness.  I guess I'm worried about comments, or harassment.

Mostly because I am a "guy with breasts" etc.  How do you get past that nervousness?

[Hope1972]

I wish I had an answer for you, because I feel the same way and have been trying to figure that one out myself.
I feel for you and all I can tell you is what I have managed to do. I have gone out a couple of times as my true self, away from where I live, around no one whom I know and had a great time, I felt comfortable "in my skin" but very self conscious around everybody else.
It was great, but when I'm out I can't get past the thought that people are looking at me as a guy wearing women's clothea., not as a woman. Keep strong and if you ever need to talk, message me.

[Deborah]

I'm still presenting ambiguously, not strongly in either direction but I wear my hair long (as much as has grown in a year) and HRT in 11 months has had some effects.  Breasts are not big but my measurement is six inches larger than my rib cage now so they aren't invisible either.  In the summer I wear shorts with nearly hairless legs.  They look hairless from further than a few inches away.

Over this past year I just quit caring what anyone thinks and most of the time when I'm out I forget completely about it too.  I think HRT this year has had a lot to do with my attitude because for the first time in my life my mind is quiet, I feel at peace, and I like myself and like how I look.  Before HRT I could never really get to this zen like state because of the constant noise in my mind.

It has made me friendly too.  I smile at people and make small talk with strangers.  I haven't been harassed and most people are friendly,  maybe because I am ambiguous instead of obvious.  I'm not entirely sure.

But the real answer is that I don't think I could have ever achieved this state without HRT.  For me it has been magic, regardless of whether transition goes further or not.


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[suzifrommd]

How do you get past that nervousness?

For me, I went around for most of a year with long, manicured nails that I put glossy enamel on.

No one made a big deal out of them so I began to internalize the realization that no one really gives a squat.

[Dayta]

Ditto with Suzi, this sounds a lot like me a few years ago.  There are a number of relatively unobtrusive things you can do to feel more feminine, manicured nails with clear polish is one.  In addition to incorporating more jewelry I also made a switch to women' jeans a few years back, and found them to be much more comfortable than my Levi's ever were. 

I hope that you (and I) one day find that place where it becomes about you and what makes you happy, not about what people may think. 

[CarlyMcx]

Add and build.  If you are already wearing forms and bras, then add some feminine tops and blouses that are not too obvious, and start wearing skinny jeans or leggings.  Lots of guys wear skinny jeans these days, so just wear them and don't worry.

If you want to fully make the jump, then you have to work on your head.  This breaks down to 1) hair or wig; 2) glasses; 3)lipstick; 4)  beard cover (if you are not undergoing facial hair removal yet).

Even if you have perfect vision, then consider some "cosmetic" glasses, particularly with oversize lenses, as they will hide brow bones, make your face look smaller, and minimize a large beaky nose (my worst feature, boy am I looking forward to rhinoplasty someday).

Contouring and eye makeup are wonderful, but not everyone has an hour to spend in the makeup chair every time they go out, and glasses can eliminate the need for most of that.

If you don't want to do all the other stuff, then consider some very subtle lip gloss, concealer, eyeliner.  Just a little touch here and there.

[Tommi]

Thank you all for the tips and suggestions, and the reassurance I'm not alone in feeling nervous about people's reactions.

I really appreciate everyone's help!!

[Tommi]

Add and build.  If you are already wearing forms and bras, then add some feminine tops and blouses that are not too obvious, and start wearing skinny jeans or leggings.  Lots of guys wear skinny jeans these days, so just wear them and don't worry.

If you want to fully make the jump, then you have to work on your head.  This breaks down to 1) hair or wig; 2) glasses; 3)lipstick; 4)  beard cover (if you are not undergoing facial hair removal yet).

Even if you have perfect vision, then consider some "cosmetic" glasses, particularly with oversize lenses, as they will hide brow bones, make your face look smaller, and minimize a large beaky nose (my worst feature, boy am I looking forward to rhinoplasty someday).

Contouring and eye makeup are wonderful, but not everyone has an hour to spend in the makeup chair every time they go out, and glasses can eliminate the need for most of that.

If you don't want to do all the other stuff, then consider some very subtle lip gloss, concealer, eyeliner.  Just a little touch here and there.

Carly,

I actually have my yearly eye Dr appt tomorrow, and I plan on looking at more feminine frames when I pick out a new pair.  I'm really trying hard to go with what speaks to me, regardless of the level of femininity and make myself happy, more than worrying about what others might think.  I'm trying not to overcompensate by picking something overtly feminine to "prove" something, which for me seems to be a trap I could fall into.

Unfortunately for my head, I'm bald, and have been for many years, and my beard comes in fast, as in I have a 5 o clock shadow half hour after shaving.  I'm looking into something like Nair for the face to maybe lessen the beard, and looking into getting my eyebrows done.  While I'd LOVE  a wig, that's just not likely to go over well right now at home, so for now I'll just take comfort in the fact that hair doesn't make the woman.  Plenty of feminine ladies out there with little to no hair, by choice or circumstance (chemo, etc).

I'm in a business casual setting, and currently don't own anything feminine outside of some shirts that are more "feminine" colors, purples, pastels, etc.  Always funny to me how that gets commented on...

I'm looking into more androgynous shirts, and pants, and on that note my wife is more willing to accept, although fully feminine clothing probably won't go over well.

I'm trying to respect her feelings and give her adjustment time so I do take that into consideration.