Good day all. Like everyone here, I'm on a journey. I'm in my mid 50's now, born and raised as a man in a house full of mostly women. At 40 and in a bad marriage, I started to experiment with gender, first playing in all sorts of roleplaying games and virtual worlds, always representing myself as female. I found aspects of it to resonate with me, and eventually I began to experiment with it in my real life as well.
After a few years, I started wearing female undergarments, adding socks and eventually women' jeans. By the time my marriage finally ended in 2009, I began to get regular mani/pedis, and within the next year started growing my hair longer. I eventually remarried, to a woman who is entirely supportive of me and my choices. Best part is, we share some of the same sizes and shopped together. I began to accumulate a closet full of clothing, dresses, skirts, shoes, boots, wigs. For my most recent birthday, she got me a really nice pair of breast forms, so thoughtful. We've both been going in recently for some serious hair removal, starting with my hands and back, and now working on my legs and bikini area as well.
We always dress up for Halloween, and I always dress in nightgowns or house dresses to relax at home. Which is all fine and fun. However:
I don't really know where I want to end up. I think often that my leanings are all really about wanting to feel desired and beautiful, as I seem to have picked up some really bad ideas about men being villains: untrustworthy, uncaring and ugly. I don't believe that I was born a woman, but I really wish I had been. I haven't taken any steps to alter my face or body, and I don't know if I ever want to. Sometimes I think if I could just wish it all to magically change, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But the idea of a transition, with family, co-workers, I just can't imagine.
Well, I hope to explore some of my thoughts, doubts and questions here. Thanks for your encouragement, assistance and camaraderie. Best of luck to all, I'm really glad to be here.
