telling family before telling wife

[mickey.megan]

so.. wife does not support me being mtf, and the subject is shelved with them. they don't want to acknowledge i am transgendered and they threatened to leave if it ever came up again. so..... im thinking i will tell my family first about what is going on with me. mom, dad, sisters, brothers so they know....

then tell my wife later that ive decided to transition, and ride the wave of emotional crazines as needed and see where the relationship lands.

i dont see any other path and at least this way she cant OUT ME because im out already to those that i know are my blood and eventually will,continue to love and support me. my sister already knows,and is fine with it.

yet my wifes side of the family wont get it and im sure ill get anger and confusion from them but im at my wits end. i have tried to gently come out to my wife repeatedly only to be screamed at yelled at. going to counseling with her just led to more screaming and threats after the counselor was no longer with us. i cant live like this.

so...is my plan crazy or sane...all things considered?

[Anna33]

Does your wife know about your GD? I am confused. x best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Hugs


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[JessicaH]

If you KNOW it will end your marriage, I would initiate divorce now. Unaccepting spouses can be very brutal and vindictive.

[Marienz]

I hope your wife can accept you as your true self:) best of luck[emoji3]


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Significant other
Heterosexual woman

[Rainbow Bay]

The reality is some relationships don't survive transition. Which is totally understandable. By transitioning you are asking your partner to be okay with you dramatically changing your appearance, your gender, and you might be asking them to change their sexuality. Not everyone is okay with that and they shouldn't have to be.

But if you are committed to it and tell your family, then it is up to her whether she wants to stay or not. I think sometimes friends and family and partners can change their attitude when they realise how serious it is and how much suffering you are in. It will work itself out one way or another but it is really important to be surrounded by supportive people when you are transitioning so remember to look after yourself too.

I hope it goes well for you. xxx

[RobynD]

One thing that helped my wife and I was to use a therapy suggestion. List every thing you love about one another and then look at each other's list. It is sort of eye opening if you both are honest. So many of those things were not dependent on gender, sex or physiology.

[cindianna_jones]

My situation was similar. I did tell my ex-wife first though and then she told everyone else. That involved the mormon church which then involved the leadership where I worked. I didn't have to come out to anyone else. It was the most difficult time in my life.

She filed for divorce and her lawyer talked me into terms that I could not realistically meet. I recommend that you not do this. You should meet your commitments but don't make new ones that are not in your best interests, even if it makes you feel guilty for her.

I will always love her. I understand exactly how you feel. You will get through this.

Cindi

[crazycool86]

I'm going through the same thing. Wife is in a ball of emotions not really sure how to handle this. Just saw my therapist this week. I told him about me being comfortable wearing panties and bras. I told my wife about it she seemed confused. Then tonight I heard her in the room crying. I know this is what I really want.

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