How to hold your head high

[Christy76]

So I've been going out as female for a while now. A lot of it is very good. I remember once where I had to stand in a long checkout line. The woman in front of me looked to be in her late sixties. My first thought was "oh, no the older someone is the less likely they are to be accepting" but she turned to me and started a conversation about the holiday rush and the weather and just chatted away. That made me feel good.

Sometimes though I still find people who are unaccepting. Several times now someone has been walking in my direction, noticed me and either turned the other way quickly or turned their head as they passed me. One time while buying something out of the glass case in an electronics section an employee passed the employee who was helping me and I guess he couldn't help himself because he began snickering as he looked at the employee who was helping me.

Then there is my families house. Their neighbors are far from accepting of anything different and it's only a matter of time until they see me. I have to say though if I wasn't trans it would be something else with them. They tend to find fault with others you're too poor, too unkempt, too lazy, too stupid etc. So if I wasn't trans they would just find fault with something else about me but I still worry about how I'll handle the situation when it inevitably comes around.

I'm handling it well but each laugh, each time someone turns their head it's a reminder that I'm trans and that I don't fit in. It's not always easy.

[Ms Grace]

It's not uncommon to think that if people are looking at us, not looking at us, laughing in our general proximity, whatever... that it must be because they have seen us as trans - chances are that is not the case. You were presuming that the woman in the store saw you as trans when in fact it sounds like she saw you as a woman she had a nice chat with. People might look away because they've been caught looking at you. People might look at you because they find you interesting. The laugh from the store clerk may have been because of some joke they shared with their colleague earlier that day. I don't mean to take away from what you feel you've experienced, I'm just suggesting that there is often a different reason that has nothing to do with you being trans.

When I get looked at I presume it is because I am so tall (and gorgeous! ) not because they think I am trans. I try not to presume the worst about people's behaviour nor assume that it is about me. If a person is a deliberate jerk then that is on them, not me. Makes it easy for me to walk with my head held high.

[LivingTheDream]

^ Totally agree with Ms. Grace.

I dunno how I am perceived gender-wise. Friends and stuff say I look really good, I think I look ok, kinda cute, much much better than before at least, but idt I look all that girly, idk if people read me as trans or not.

I was super worried about how others saw and read me and what they thought of me (still am a bit, work in progress). I've had similar incidents like the ones you described, overhearing something negative, seeing someone looking at me. vague things like that. I could sit there and wonder and worry and stress over it, wondering if was talking about me or read me, assume the worst, but what would come of it? What good would it do? None. Get myself all worked up, upset, why, for what? Because I decided to assume that they were staring at me cuz they clocked me, or that someone was talking crap about me when it could be in fact just the opposite or not related to me at all. We all know what they say about assuming, ya?

That's just kinda how I think now. If it's something small like that, I may worry for a sec but that's about it. I go about my business assuming the best.

If it was blatantly obvious then it would be a different story.