I Need A Hug, A Hand, Someone To Talk To Or Something Else For Support

[Tristyn]

Dude, go for it. Get yourself to the place and get done what needs to be done. Feeling ill isn't going to help your mind state in any case so get that sorted and you'll probably begin to feel better in more ways than one.

Walk in, give your details, let them say whatever the hell they do and let it slide off your back even if they get your info wrong. Ultimately, that's the mindstate that's best for a good life. Care about the important things, but the small superficial things are nothing but little mosquito bites. You can brush them off. I know it takes a little practice, but it can be done, trust me. I'm a hell of a lot happier once I stopped caring so much about the superficial things people say out there, people who won't give it more than 5 seconds thought, so why should you?

Man. I'm totally feelin' what you're saying to me right here. 

I feel very inspired by your words of stoicism. I'm a bit of a Japanophile/Otaku, and read in a traveling book guide about Japan and how the Japanese revere your type of personality. Heck, stoicism was even featured in a Final Fantasy videogame as a class of warrior. Being stoic means you show no outwardly signs of intolerance to pain and displeasure, no matter what form they come in. And you got it, dude. It would certainly help and make for a good life, as you said, if everyone practiced this.

Time to not give a crap about what society says about me anymore. I'm done stressing myself out over and over again over random people who are too ignorant to even understand what bein trans is.

Alright, ya'll, I'm gonna go put on some clothes, I won't even shower, and call 911. I'll just tell 'em I missed my dialysis treatment yesterday and would like to receive that treatment as soon as possible. When I get misgendered, I won't fight to persuade them otherwise. I'm not trying to blame anyone here for my upset to being misgendered, but I notice I get even more upset when I try to correct them cis folk who misgender me and either hesitate and move on like I said nothing or won't even adress me by any pronouns at all than I would from just allowing them to misgender me and moving forward with more important things than that. The correction of gender seems to be suggested quite heavily here, but what isn't being taken into consideration are the trans folk who currently possess IDs reading their assigned name and gender. Because of this, I won't even bother correcting them, unless I have to see an individual more than once and/or they are constantly rubbing it in my face. Other than that, I gotta learn to just let it go.

Thanks T.K.G.W. The Trans Community needs trans advocates just like you. Alright everyone, I'll be back after a while. I need to get dressed, put the dog away, gather my medicines, get a bite to eat and call for the ambulance again.

Happy Holidays.

[Missy D]

Thanks Rachel. Thanks Elis. Thanks Devlyn (cute Santa hat by the way, in your avatar). Its helpful to read your replies. Guess there's not a whole lot anyone can really do. I mean, I know I'm not a kid and can do for myself. Guess, even though I am physically mature, mentally I feel like a child. My dad told me I am still a child last month. Maybe I really am. I am starting to wonder. I don't feel competent. I feel like I am mentally slow or even retarded. And I don't mean that as an insulting slur. I really feel like my IQ must be so far below average it isn't even funny.

If I knew life was so hard, I wish my parents would have never had me. Why do I have to be here if its so painful? Why?

I didn't choose this. I guess no one chooses the life they have.

I don't know who to talk to. I want to self-amputate my breasts and mutilate my genitals, but I'm afraid I'll end up in the hospital and be exposed to prying hands and eyes yet again.

I want to die.

Awww - don't do that  I thought I wanted to die once, well quite a lot, but I'm still here more to the bad lol! I read about what you've gone through and understand some of it, most goes over my poor little head because of, quite usually, the raw intellect on display!! You've got such ideas, new things and perspectives going on up there that it wouldn't be fair to take that out of the world.  We aren't doing brilliantly with new concepts in my generation, or so it seems to me, all the good philosophers are dead and in Britain at least most of the politicians are horrible. Sometimes it feels like conventionality (if that's a word  ) has won out and things will just go on the way they are.

Which is why it's so refreshing and different to read about your experiences and perspectives and whatever. Lots of it I can try to empathise with but I can't really. Not truly; I'm white and comfortable from a money point of view but the emotions shine through so strongly and they're almost universal. You manage to convey such a strong sense of good character that no-one ought to be able to think of the loss of it without a tear in their eye. Do you come across male? Yes of course,  but like a good man. They exist somewhere, I hope, I maintain a faith in the opposite sex, but they aren't common. So please don't take a member of an endangered species and kill him.

Or at least don't do anything stupid to him  Please?!? He may not be there when you look down or you may not even hear him when you speak. But I, on the other side of the world, have heard him. He's there in your words; he lives and if you destroy his vehicle, or smash his cocoon then he'll never have a chance to spread his damp little wings in the dawn and hop off his leaf stalk. 

I think that, all other things thought about, transition comes down to money. Or at least the outer bit does. Making other people, for me, believe in you as what you truly are is expensive. Me, my girlfriends and everyone else has the same problem. Yet some of us are further down the transition road, and I can't say I'm not. But most of that comes down to the inequalities of race and wealth and class that we insist make a good society. Like, Melissa is my soul, she is me and I am her. The fabulous Miss De Freitas is nothing but tight clothes and stage make up. Similarly, and I know I'm like saying this for definite and it's possibly not my place, but Nixy is you and you are him. Those who are sensitive will know that he's there. To convince the emotionally blind takes a little more doing, and is more expensive. You'll get there, I hope, I really do. One day he'll be there in the mirror and on the street. But maybe it's not here yet? 

It comes to all of us. I'm seen and treated and whatever else as fully female now. But you have to remember that, for me, I bought most of that. The important thing I did was animate the empty shell with a female form. And you'll do that so much better with a male one. It's like, transition is something we all want to be over, and getting started is often the hardest bit. It may seem like it will never happen or you can't or something. But if you've got as much self belief as I think you have then I'm sure it will. Stay strong and take care 

Missy xx

[Kylo]

Man. I'm totally feelin' what you're saying to me right here. 

Glad I could help. 

I feel very inspired by your words of stoicism. I'm a bit of a Japanophile/Otaku, and read in a traveling book guide about Japan and how the Japanese revere your type of personality. Heck, stoicism was even featured in a Final Fantasy videogame as a class of warrior. Being stoic means you show no outwardly signs of intolerance to pain and displeasure, no matter what form they come in. And you got it, dude. It would certainly help and make for a good life, as you said, if everyone practiced this.

Time to not give a crap about what society says about me anymore. I'm done stressing myself out over and over again over random people who are too ignorant to even understand what bein trans is.

Heh, that Japanese stoicism (it's in the family) has its good and bad. Some of my relatives are super stoic and as someone raised in a Western country where people aren't, I see that being stoic all of the time can be restricting and difficult. At the same time, using it for its useful qualities like getting through difficult times is fine, too. Some parts of life can really use some single-minded determination. Don't let it take over, but definitely make use of it if you need to feel stronger.

I understand being sensitive to stuff too; as a kid I was very nervous, I was different from the other kids in my school, from a different place and so on... not to mention being trans... I was worked up and nervous about everything. But really what I needed was just some perspective. Knowing that the other kids didn't really care that much about talking about me, knowing that throwaway comments were just that... throwaway. It took time but in the end I managed to categorize that stuff in its proper place in my mind - just not that important and not worth the energy. I mean when someone important to me or someone I respect has something to say then by all means I'll give it my full attention, but the rest of it isn't worth being hyper-aware of all of the time.

Alright, ya'll, I'm gonna go put on some clothes, I won't even shower, and call 911. I'll just tell 'em I missed my dialysis treatment yesterday and would like to receive that treatment as soon as possible. When I get misgendered, I won't fight to persuade them otherwise. I'm not trying to blame anyone here for my upset to being misgendered, but I notice I get even more upset when I try to correct them cis folk who misgender me and either hesitate and move on like I said nothing or won't even adress me by any pronouns at all than I would from just allowing them to misgender me and moving forward with more important things than that. The correction of gender seems to be suggested quite heavily here, but what isn't being taken into consideration are the trans folk who currently possess IDs reading their assigned name and gender. Because of this, I won't even bother correcting them, unless I have to see an individual more than once and/or they are constantly rubbing it in my face. Other than that, I gotta learn to just let it go.

Just look at it as practice. At the moment I'm misgendered too, 100% of the time. Apparently my face is just too darn cute. But I just think of it like this - at the moment I don't have my ID changed, I don't have T yet, or the ops yet, so everyone I meet is gonna read me as female. I can't blame them, I look it- even with the short hair and no makeup and the male clothing and all that. And if I ask them to call me a boy, I know they're not going to understand. So I just shrug to myself and let it slide for now. I know I'm a boy, they don't... and I don't feel like explaining that to everyone I meet at this point, this deeply personal stuff. Once I'm on the track to transition, I'll feel like there'll be more success rate, so I'll try it out then. For now though, I just observe how they treat me and how they treat those they read as males, and think of it as a sort of educational thing. Watch how people act toward what they observe, how they use politeness toward men and women, how they talk to men and women. I tend to act neutral to everybody and I'm kinda ignorant of how men and women are differently treated until recent revelations, so this is a learning process for me too to start realizing how other people out there operate. We don't have to copy them, but it'll be worth watching to see what is what out there. Since I realized I was trans, (like properly, seeing it was a medical condition and all) I have become more sensitive to being gendered, it does make me hold up and think more than I did before, and get irritated more... but like I said, I just think of it as mental training. People are going to expect me to be able to handle things differently as a man, so for me at least, it's great training for being patient and keeping composure. Which as men, we'll be expected to do in public more than the ladies, because if we don't people are probably going to get real nervous near us. 

Thanks T.K.G.W. The Trans Community needs trans advocates just like you. Alright everyone, I'll be back after a while. I need to get dressed, put the dog away, gather my medicines, get a bite to eat and call for the ambulance again.

Good luck, dude. Hope it goes well.

[KyleEdric]

As a long time sufferer of panic disorder, and kidney problems, I feel for you.

There isn't much to do when you're in chronic pain, be it mental or physical. You can ride it out, but that takes forever. Drugs will take the edge off, but the disconnection feels a lot like being on the sidelines of living. The only way to really distract from the agony is music so at least you feel something. That and talking to someone you care about.

Misgendering is something I quietly put up with. I've never really corrected anyone since I know it's a big switch for family especially. The fact that everyone is knee deep in their own issues doesn't help. So I'm stuck playing the ever saintly-patience requiring, Waiting Game. Same as you.