lowest point

Wild Flower · December 12, 2015, 08:14:25 AM

My life isnt horrible... Bu its miserable. You can understand. The dysphoria was strong last night, I cant seem to make myself remotely happy. Food can but its like covering a bleeding hole with cotton balls.

Harley Quinn · December 12, 2015, 08:43:18 AM

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that the day starts looking up for you. I have found music and a drive usually gets me out of a funk. Maybe a trip out for shopping therapy with the music cranked.

Eyie · December 12, 2015, 09:01:30 AM

I totally agree with the music approach! I swear music has literally saved my life more times than I can count! Regardless you just need to push through those times and it usually gets better if you can make it through!

Rachel · December 12, 2015, 10:04:45 AM

I am sorry you are feeling down.

I have a plan with dates associated with the plan. When I am scared about the next step I look at what I accomplished in the past. When I feel stuck I plan and focus on the future. When I am down because something did not go well or someone is a jerk I cry and get it out. Regardless of what I have found looking at it and facing it is much easier. Stair down your fear and blow past it with an action to make it better.

When I first wanted to buy clothes I went to Walmart when the store first opened for the day. I walked in, walked around the woman's section then out the door. My heart was pounding and I felt like it was 110 degrees. I got into my car and had to drive 2 hours on the turnpike. I cried and beat myself up. When I got to where I was going it was out of my system. I decided to order on line for a while. It felt less courageous but it fit my comfort level at the time.

Thursday I walked into Macys at 6 PM went to the third floor woman's intimates section. To the counter with people around and said to the associate I am trans and I would like a Bra fitting. I was fitted but they did not have a 40A/B in the style I liked. The associate was very nice and I felt fine. When I first spoke to the associate I said I am trans and I would like a bra fitting. This was not for her benefit it was for mine. Later when being fitted I said I know this is awkward and she said no it is not and it is just fine. I addressed my fears by speaking about them and getting positive feedback. It is an awesome feeling and even though I did not walk out with what I came for I contoured a fear in a constructive way.

I have found that addressing something can be very transformative.

Rachel

Wild Flower · December 12, 2015, 10:22:04 AM

Well... Yesterday, I was crying but watching Raven and Anneliese (Chelsea)perform the Thats so Raven theme song made me happy until I fell asleep. It was a 2015 live version...

It was escapism, take your mind off life, at its best. I may go shopping today. Something to look forward too.

Lyndsey · December 12, 2015, 10:24:37 AM

Hi Everyone

I have been transitioning sense 2011 in February I have had a lot of ups and down's. as I type this to you I am siting in my empty house and can not afford to move till I sell it. In late September I had a buyer and we were going to close on september 30th 2015 he asked me if I could move out so he could move in the next day. So I got my mover to come and pick up all my thing at my home and they did. Two hour before closing I get a call from my lawyer that the closing was put off Then the buyer canceled the sale saying that his wife did not want to live in the country like were my home is. Now remember it just cost me $4,500.00 plus storage till after I got back from California Having SRS with Dr. Bowers. Now I have a empty house no way to pay the mover or storage till after I sell my home. WTF. I have been sleeping on and air mattress sense I got back and I have very limited means to cook and eat. I left my job and was going to start a new job in December from my new home in witch I can't buy now because I needed the money from the sale to purchase that.I'm now jobless and broke. So just want to say that you are not alone. The world is and can be a crazy and cruel place. In case you haven't figured it out I'm coming to the end of my rope.

I'm a strong women and will survive this.

Lyndsey

Wild Flower · December 12, 2015, 10:36:10 AM

Im sorry. If you were local to me I would offer you to stay at my place (rent free. Nothing wanted in exchange), and free food/wifi. It would be for survival purposes.

Lyndsey · December 12, 2015, 10:43:31 AM

Quote from: Wild Flower on December 12, 2015, 10:36:10 AM
Im sorry. If you were local to me I would offer you to stay at my place (rent free. Nothing wanted in exchange), and free food/wifi. It would be for survival purposes.

Thank you so much you are a sweetie. This is why I love being on here as wonderful people like you are always here to help. I have been threw so much crap over the years that I just have learned to get a bigger shovel. LOL

Great Big Hug's
Lyndsey Marie

Wild Flower · December 12, 2015, 06:38:02 PM

I was after the grocery store... Silly me standing at one place too long. And my manager saw me 15 feet away... In front of the hosiery/feet problems section... I was looking at hosiery for a first time.

He said "hey "my name" are you okay, do you where to meet tomorrow".

Hes been asking if im okay like 3 or 4 times since i join my job.

Im embarass if he thinks im crossdresser or not... I dont know.

Wild Flower · December 12, 2015, 06:42:26 PM

Quote from: Lyndsey on December 12, 2015, 10:43:31 AM
Thank you so much you are a sweetie. This is why I love being on here as wonderful people like you are always here to help. I have been threw so much crap over the years that I just have learned to get a bigger shovel. LOL

Great Big Hug's
Lyndsey Marie

I see people making a big deal about people living with them. Not a big deal. Thats me though.

Lyndsey · December 18, 2015, 02:38:57 PM

I have to say my lowest point is too much time being alone. And it is Christmas time. I cry a lot and wonder if even though I like myself now. there is so much hatred in the world when you did what I did. So many people don't want to be around us. as my family has had 3 Christmas parties and I have not been ask to go to even one. as they are embarrassed to be around me and what the others will think.

Lynn

Laura_7 · December 18, 2015, 02:59:16 PM

Quote from: Lyndsey on December 18, 2015, 02:38:57 PM
I have to say my lowest point is too much time being alone. And it is Christmas time. I cry a lot and wonder if even though I like myself now. there is so much hatred in the world when you did what I did. So many people don't want to be around us. as my family has had 3 Christmas parties and I have not been ask to go to even one. as they are embarrassed to be around me and what the others will think.

Lynn

Do you have some family or friends that could help you with all of this ?

You might ask one or two people you feel close to... its possible they help...

*hugs*

Lyndsey · December 18, 2015, 03:03:11 PM

I wish it was that easy

Lynn

Lyndsey · December 18, 2015, 03:04:54 PM

My whole life has turned into a circus sense I have transitioned

Laura_7 · December 18, 2015, 03:18:51 PM

Quote from: Lyndsey on December 18, 2015, 03:03:11 PM
I wish it was that easy

Lynn

Well it takes something to open up to someone... but you might try, with people you have a feeling it could work with...

concerning circus try to come to a calm feling within... it will reflect to the outside...

imagine a bright angel helping you...

*many hugs*

Lyndsey · December 18, 2015, 03:34:19 PM

Quote from: Laura_7 on December 18, 2015, 03:18:51 PM
Well it takes something to open up to someone... but you might try, with people you have a feeling it could work with...

concerning circus try to come to a calm feling within... it will reflect to the outside...

imagine a bright angel helping you...

*many hugs*

I have My oldest daughter Julie whom is so good to me but I feel like a bump on a log when I go to her house all the time. She said she loves when I come over but I can't do it all the time.I do have to say that if i didn't have her I would already be gone and pushing up tulips.

Hugs
Lynn

Girl Beyond Doubt · December 18, 2015, 03:36:28 PM

We need a special quality of people for company.
They are much harder to find than the common variety.
But if you can manage to find them, girl is it worth your time.

Laura_7 · December 18, 2015, 04:12:42 PM

Quote from: Lyndsey on December 18, 2015, 03:34:19 PM
I have My oldest daughter Julie whom is so good to me but I feel like a bump on a log when I go to her house all the time. She said she loves when I come over but I can't do it all the time.I do have to say that if i didn't have her I would already be gone and pushing up tulips.

Hugs
Lynn

Well do it anyways.

One day you will be back on your feet and give back.

*hugs*

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lowest point

Eyie